I think I've finally come to understand that there are two types of happiness,
of the Heart and of the Head.

Happiness of the Head
I can make for myself.
Look at that sunshine,
feel the kiss of a breeze,
hear the voices of friends,
We're alive!
I just want to scream.

Happiness of the Heart doesn't work like that though. You don't have to work to be happy in your Heart.
Happiness of the Heart just is.
To not have to manufacture happiness, to just, thoughtless, have it be-
I don't remember what that feels like.

Today, at long last,
my Head will mourn for happiness of the Heart,
because in my Heart, I know that that happiness is dead.
Never to rise again.

I look at the two dots hidden in the curve of my wrist
Like the prongs of a snake bite

The cold slithers through my arm
And I wonder if that is how the poison got in the first time

*I didn't think that darkness had teeth

Radical original action
Love always
will make its enemies sick
sick and sicker
until they finally love.

Please, I don't want to disappear*
I cry to the girl in front of me
Waves crash behind her and wind whips her hair like snakes, obscuring her face
Facing her, I stand on rocks in the middle of the sea
I love the hiss of my breathing, the throb of my heart beat I claim
It's not always easy, but that's life, right? It's twisted, but it's beautiful
I try to explain it to her, but her eyes are cold and dead
Just sometimes, I get too tired to care and I'm scared
That one of those times I'm going to forget that whatever else it is
Life is beautiful

I can't look at her anymore, so I watch the waves
As her eyes weigh my worth and measure my mind
Finally she sighs,
You'll think what you will, when you will, even if it's not what you wish
It's twisted, but hey, that's life
If you're looking for reassurance that you're not going to disappear, you won't find it Here
I think what you need to realize is

The wind whips her hair like snakes, out of her face

*You're talking to yourself

So this is why they say that
innocence is sunshine without shadows
and you may be better off keeping it that way
we had a school lesson on beauty, of all subjects
and knowledge has come with an electric shock for innocence
---
I have a best friend
And she is beautiful
In the kind of way that boys fall over themselves for
When I'm with her, I'm a special kind of invisible
We can shiver the same way
And, in an instant, she will have arms slithering to wrap around her
Protect her and keep her warm

But this is not an ode to jealousy
I made my peace a long time ago with being seen always
as more cute than pretty

This is an apology
That I've never before really understood
How dark the shadow is cast around you
All for being beautiful

All for being you

When the world takes on an air of confusion, ever more than it had before

I run to a dream
A children's cartoon
Where a boy and his family live in the stars
A life of robot pets, world-hopping and talking spaceships

Where they are still flawed as humans tend to be
But greet their challenges with grace and humility
And accept the alien friends they've yet to meet- true heroes

I don't know about anyone else, but it seems like a pretty great world to me
And more possible than other fantasies
That humans will one day live in the stars
And not just live, but thrive

I'd like to visit there someday
But I've still got a long journey left to make

I'm only seventeen

So I've got to kindly ask,
that while my feet are firmly planted on the ground,
*please don't mess this world up, for me

Sparkly.
Vibrant.
Lively, yet hiding something.

What can glitter hide?
What can sequins disguise?

Pink- intuitive, insightful, kind.

Under that glimmering surface
there is love.
Hurt.
Confusion.

And I'm never going to let go of
my wish
to enlarge
the love.