Too you, I was always less
Even when I tried my hardest
I was breaking from carrying the weight
My knees and hands burning from crawling to you.
Why is it
That even now
When my heart is utterly shattered
My thoughts betray me
By picturing you.
But for some unknown reason I still find myself falling for you.

Loving you is like
A man thirsting for wine straight
From the vine, hopeless.

You cover my skin in red paint
Each time you scream my name.
They paint my skin green
whilst they mock me.
He throws handfuls of black
On my back for each blow, he ever gave me.
My body is no longer my own canvas,
Society chose to paint over my masterpiece.
At the end of the day, looking in the mirror
I pity the stranger who stares back at me.
The paint won't come off no matter how hard I scrub.
Digging under the paint and tearing skin with it to make my body my own again.
The blood.
It creeps down my skin and drips onto the floor.
What a beautiful shade of red.
It's not like the fiery red of anger but like a freshly cut rose or an unearthed ruby.
This is the color that has been hiding beneath me.
Beneath the facades and the frills of society.
My body is burning from the revisions and my mind is racing with my own potential. This will be a lovely new addition to this canvas.
The pain is worth it.
Society must see the beauty hidden beneath.

Was it all a lie?
All of the memories and all of the moments we shared.
Do you think they ever cared?
Or was I just the unloved child who they never wished to be there?
Everything hurts.
Even when I close my eyes the memories don't escape me.
You would never understand how I feel because it is like I am being forgotten.
Like a transparent page you can not see unless you look harder.
My mind races each night before I go to sleep because I dare think
you my love
will forget me.

Starving and overeating, and yet I drink up every curse spoken to me,
The probing and the preening cause me to overthink that love has no meaning.
It is empty.
Cry baby, cry, I will give you a reason to cry. Blows landing on my back making me want to die.
My "mother's love" ain't how it is supposed to be. The hate in her eyes are all that she gave to me.
This baby bird, for too long, yearns to fly,
but the chains on its back prevents it to try.
Noose around its neck till it grows old and dies, but even then the expectations still hold in mother's eyes.
Cry baby, cry, you have no reason to cry.
I don't care if your heart is slowly breaking inside.
My "father's pride" may cause the death of me. The truth of the matter is that he never wanted me.
"That's why we had kids."
What to be your little slaves?
"Clean the house, wash the floors, no you can't go play!"
"What did you say? Are you talking back?"
Trying to hide my tears while my sister watches, so my sister can see that I may be bruised, beaten, and bleeding
But my spirit never faltered.

Enduring this for years can really wreak your life.
Sitting in hiding, if I am out of sight then I am out of mind.
Slowly, the body becomes a lifeless shell, and yet my heart still burns in the hells.
Everyday is the same, nothing every changes
If I try to speak my mind then I am told
"I will beat your face in"
" I won't care if you die, if you try to break this family up"
The words out of his mouth is something I had never even thought of.
Despite the abuse of so many years, I still find a place in my heart that truly does care.
Even in the end I don't understand how my brain works.
I guess masochism is my only good trait in the end.

Is it too late?
I had been praying that you could hear my story from my lips.
The only tale you heard was that of a villain, but the truth is bittersweet.
I hope that on your deathbed, you heard my story in prayer so you can rest, hating me less than you did in life.
If you could not find it in your heart to forgive me, know that I love you still.
Love, your niece.

I have sinned for far too long in your name and yet your heart has a delicious taste.
It is like the sweet core of an apple gone rotten.
Once a guilty pleasure that lit my soul aflame, but time revealed that my trust was misplaced.
A bitter pill to swallow, but will never be forgotten.
My love for you will never be the same.
My poisoned slice of heaven,
You are to blame.

The flock has always loathed me for the shortcomings I attained from their scorn.
Yet during their retribution, I only grinned.
They were too busy painting me in black, that they ignored the wolf hiding amongst them.
Luckily for me, the wolf will dine upon them while I blend into the shades of the moonlight.
Oh pity for the ignorant collective of the flock.

How unconditioned our love used to be,  
but you made a habit of drinking poison while you sleep.
Now death holds you accountable for your sins
While six feet below maggots feast on your decaying skin.
I was once a slave to my lover's every whim,
but time has an endless pool for me to swim.
As days go by I replenish the black dahlias on your grave and a lover's remorse is something I do not crave.
Betrayal of trust and fiery rage
Your body now lies in a wooden cage.
If I had one last dance in your embrace
My very soul might begin to break.  
Before my insanity slips back to stability,
I remember how death did seem so desirable on your lips.

I am ephemeral yet eternal.

Drowning in my own insanity and emptiness,
Yet there is a sense of banality as my soul spirals in the waves.

Enraged and imprisoned amongst the tide
My body now imprisoned by fleeing time.
The crashing waves tearing flesh from bone, And the tide carrying my tortured soul.
My body forgotten along the shore,
Returning to the elements where I was once Born.

Blood to Earth, my debt has been repayed.
In the afterglow my bones now lay.
Forgotten, buried in the sand.
      
   Am I eternal or ephemeral?
        
I am just a man.

So yea it's been a while,
I guess I forgot all of the things that used to make me smile.
maybe that is destructive on my part but everything I loved will eventually break my heart.
so yea I gave up
because I rather have never loved at all and
forget this pain.
the pain that will not leave my heart or brain.
so yea
...
I give up.

The putrid flesh from its skin gleamed so brightly in the darkness.
Advancing, with the smell of barbarity on its tongue,
The creature stared with pearl eyes.
It seemed to grin at a thought in its head, almost like it had heard a joke,
Which revealed glass-like teeth with jagged edges.
The monster stood in silence.
It did not move for what seemed like an eternity.
It did nothing.

CRACK!!

A horrid sound came from the creature.
It broke every single bone in its body and shaped into a
Crouching position.
The creature crawled under the bed and waited for me to look under.
I looked under the bed and saw its eyes looking straight into my soul.
It spoke finally and only repeated one word.

" homee..."

I guess I made this false allusion that everyone i love was a part of me.
I feel like a puzzle that is losing pieces everyday. The cruel reality is
that there was never a puzzle to begin with.

There was just one lonely puzzle piece...

Everyone's life is a tragedy...
It just depends on when the play ends.

How sad and tragic is mans pride and ambitions.

"Curtains rise"

Time to begin the act of your life.

When beauty is plucked from the roots
Originality drains from the veins.
Those with no sight of the world
Have no right to speak out.
Diversity is the only boundary to
The peace on Mother Earth.

Only when people learn
Will they be free.

Woe is Humanity!!

You may think that you are punishing me,
But that is just a ploy.
You see the one who is getting tricked is you.
I am just a second-hand smoker.

You can tell me to roll thirty addictive shells,
But I am not the one who is going to indulge in them.
You can smoke thirty a day.
I am not the one who is rotting away.

You can smoke the venom until they fill your veins,
But I am not the one who will die in less than ten years.

I will watch your teeth rot.
I will watch your lung fill with tar.
I will watch you until your last dying breath.

I do not know why, but there is something
Therapeutic about watching the smoke
Seep from your yellow teeth.

A Utopian world is a prediction made by hobos
On streets holding "the end is nigh" signs and preaching the faults of humans.
This prophecy will only be fulfilled, when the sun dies out,
Our world collides with the moon,
Inevitably causing a game of pool among the elite and impotent gods.

Love is a parasite,
You never know you have it until
It multiplies.
The symptoms of this bug are:
Irregular pulse, sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach and
The lose of attention for the norms.
Your eyes will only be on your "true love."

But do not threat.
The parasite will pass out of your system
Once you realize the cruel reality
That has been passed down from many of your school mates;
No one will ever love you.

In my own little world fireflies stay in open jars
Flowers paint on their colors for the next day,
And the moon laughs while it walks away.
The trees speak of ancient scars,
The creek brings up lost trinkets from afar,
And the animals cry for freedom,
But freedom is not free.

Sometimes I feel invisible.
My surroundings consist of barrier reefs
And schools of exotic fish.
I am just a guppy in saltwater.
Out of place and out of mind.
And yet visible and more than often declined.

Where do I belong?
In freshwater or the sea?
Why must life be so hard for a saltwater guppy like me?

Morning birds sing at the
Mourning hours
In the dead of the night
By the wilting tower.

Wise owls fly during the
Sunlit day
To guide us on the path
That we lost our way.

Whichever hour
That of the moon
Or that of the flower
Love will be devoured
By the wilting tower.

Melting time is like the
Wilting mind
Which alters our perception
Of reverie and reality.

Who decided that the rose should be picked and treasured
By mere human hearts?
Did the universe reach down from the stars and pluck
The fair rose and tear it to pieces?
Who decided that the rose was more beautiful than all the flowers
And that none shall be more beautiful?
Did the universe decide that they should place this flower on
Earth so that humans can destroy its beauty?

I believe that the rose should belong in the galaxy.
There it could be treasured by
Wanderer's eyes and will never be plucked by envied hands.

The rose of the universe.

My tar pit heart
Holds all of the souls of
my loved ones.
I watch them gasp for air
But they drown in my
Tar covered sorrow.

I am sorry . . .

I
did
 not realize
   how much you
     meant to me until the
    tear ran down my face and
      into your endless and black  
     oblivion. Too bad I had to
    let you go without a
     goodbye. . .

We were connected to each other once.
A red string connected our hearts
and passions.
Your love filled me like a balloon
With helium and I felt so light and boundless.

"Why did you cut the string that brought us together?"

". . . because I love you . . ."

Screaming faces and walking mannequins.
They are no longer my parents but concrete walls.
-"You told me to work more hours ******!"
-"Why do you always work over. I wanted to spend time with you!"

Murmured words and uttered curses.
I have never seen inanimate objects show so much emotion.
Black and red walls with no portraits has never seemed so appealing.
Escape while you still can they whispered to me.

"How can I leave when I have nowhere to go?"

Pressed flowers in books of lore and
Dead poems lying on the floor.
Small journals of what could have been and
Dolls with button eyes and dimpled chins.
Unfulfilled art of the child's grin and
Dusty love and its unjust end.

Loss never loses itself in your mind.
More or less it sleeps
Until one day it wakes up
With the most annoying alarm clock in the world.
    Zzz...
                            z...
                z...
                            z...

BLA-RING BLA-RING!!!