aar505n

aar505n May 2016

We must all feel death.
It does not matter what comes after.

But the moment - that moment real.
Dancing to the Tennessee's Waltz
Don't think about the lost, Scarecrow.
Don't think at all - empty that brain
If you wish to stay sane.

You're darling Dorothy is gone.
You heard the truth in that song
You said:
"I have heard the future.
And all I have left is myself."

What comes after does not matter.

We're going to Oz - and I need my Dorothy

#love #poem #broken #sad #lost #hurt #thoughts #story

aar505n May 2016

Mutuality of Being

Last night I melted into you -
Didn't I?

It felt like an eternity
It felt like a river flowing
Into an intense tranquility

Uncertainty tries to
unhing my sanity
But I know what I know
To be true
I flowed into you
Until we became one
And for once -
I didn't feel a lone

Because I knew -
I knew this is where
I belonged.

-

I feel your bones like my own for we are one

#love #poem #life #heart #happy #lost #thoughts #sharing

aar505n May 2016

Departure

I think you can know something before it happens
There's a change in the air
Or something inside of you
That you know to be true
And it is not that strange

Don't be that person with nothing to say
As the autumn leaves fall
Dying leaves spawling out through wind

You can try to catch to wind
But you might just lose your mind

So
Depart from me
Deep within the sea
Feel the water through your fingers
Let that wonder linger

Maybe you'll feel a thronging in your chest
A tightly packed longing
Like lungs on fire
Fueling a simple desire
to breathe and to be

-

Inspired by Departure (2015) - lovely little film

#poem #sad #life #lonely #fire #desire #alone #lost #hurt #thoughts

aar505n Mar 2016

Near Light Until Closed Dark

What control do I hold over the near light?
With a turn of a dial I can lower its brightness.
Dimming until closed dark covers this living room.
Although not much living is done in this room.
Not much of anything is done in the dark.
But the Singing.
Yes, the singing of an old song forgot.
When lost upon dark waters
This song becomes an anchor.
The last tangible connection from here to the near light.
I realise now I am not alone.
There is an Other here that does the singing.
An old friend.
The haunting melody pulls me deeper into the sea of black.
Back against the wall, back again the listener.
I thought I was better.
I thought I was in control
But control is a cruel illusion.
A foolish desire that can not be meet despite best efforts.
For it is easy to blow out the candle than it is to reignite the flame in darkness.
I have blown out the candle in a perverse attempt to show the control I never possessed.
So I relinquished the idea of control
Give myself to the darkness and her melody.
My last thoughts centred on the near light before
- finally -
the closed dark put my light out.
Slowly, my consciousness disparates
And I am lost into the ether.

Have you ever sensed an Other? Not another but an Other - hiding in the dark - waiting?
It appears Mel never left, keeping her dark eyes on me.

#love #heartbreak #poetry #broken #depression #life #pain #death #hope #hurt

aar505n Mar 2016

Alone Among Many

If I kept walking
Went along with the crowd
Would you miss me?

Cause sometimes I feel like doing so
Giving in to the currant
Just keeping walking

I'd be one among the many
Toss upon this moving sea
Alone - a long way away

Funny that isn't?
Alone among the many.
Where we are all alone together

The irrationality of rational thinking
Is that we must rationally account
The irrational aspect that comes with us.

Cause when does anything we do make sense?
The innocence of a guilty conscience
Is as true as the reverse

I don't want to be lonely
Don't want to be me at all really
Even if I did like solitude - it does not like me back.

But to be alone is different
Alone among the many
Makes perfect sense doesn't it?

Maybe you'll spy me one day
Just for an instant - watching you do
Before a wash of faces carries me away

Would you try to follow or
Would you think fondly of me or
Would you just convince yourself you saw nothing?

If the lather is the case
Then I leave my name with you
Where ever I might go - I will no longer need it.

I will be the Witness.
A terrible wallflower
Graceless and without power.

So maybe - I'll keep on walking
Unsure if I'll ever be anchor again
For what I know of love - there is nothing to gain.

#love #poetry #broken #life #lonely #sadness #death #alone #hurt

aar505n Feb 2016

An Ode To Poor Starveling

I forgot of your existence.
Until now - just now -
While waiting at the train station
I had looked at all there was to look at
And so raised those lifted eyes to the Heavens
Expecting empty skies
Instead I spied you nested between overhead wires.
You took my breath away and
I could've sworn you winked at me.

Suddenly
I became flooded in the half-light of old memories.
You were always there weren't you?
Thanks to a compression of time and space
Distance isn't an issue when you share the same place.
Even now, right now,
You are here.

As I ride this shakey train home.
It dawns on me that I am drawn to you rather spectacularly.
Pull the tides of emotions inside to swell
And threaten to overwhelm
Would you take my hand if you could?
Whisper sweet nothings,
Tell me everything is OK?

(Even though we both know the truth)

Stay silent if you will
But do not ask me to go
Even you must admit the lunacy of such a request.
No, I will stay.
It is my turn to orbit you now anyway.
I'll promise to do my best
So you may get some well deserved rest.

Oh - how could I have ever forgotten your existence?

Opps I felt emotions

#love #broken #sad #life #moon #hurt #nature #you #family #unrequited

aar505n Feb 2016

If You Really Want to Hear About It

You won't catch me – while running through the rye
I've got nothing to lose - only everything to gain

Maybe I'll end up in miles of traffic waiting for the lights to turn
Like a yellow ladybird, waiting for the red light so to leave
The daily grunt and anxiety of simply going from A to B
My stomach churning at the thought of such a terrific possibility

Alternatively, away from the city, there's the sea.
I do always hold I was a French sailor in a past live.
Even though I've never been to the Côte d'Azur
I'm sure I could find a second home there

But I’ve never doubted the fact I do like my hometown
Could I really sway away from Bray?
I’ve never been down when walking along stony beach
Or over the Dargle at night, swans floating about without care

Learning is synonymous with Leaving
If I am to strive in this life maybe I need a push
To drive myself from my comforts
And feel that rush upon discovery one’s worth
In living than mere surviving.

Although I must admit, this poem is full of ****
These ramblings of single stream of thought
Not dreams per say as I am aware that
They do tear at the seam and unravel quite brilliantly.

No, this is not my dreams and hopes
Or some sad reality check
About how tempting the rope can be
Or what can be done before one is dead

No, these words are quite frankly, just words
They represent my world at this present time
What one can find on my mind
Nothing more, nothing less

There is danger that tomorrow
It could all change
Stranger still, it could all remain the same.

Still with all this said ---

You won't catch me - while running through the rye
I've got nothing to lose - only everything to gain

Please let me experience the sensation of falling of a cliff and don't try to catch me.

#love #poetry #broken #life #future #death #hope #hurt #thoughts