Why'd you have to drop it?

**** thing wasn't already broken enough?

Here I am again
Picking up the shattered remains
Of my already falling apart heart
Accidentally slicing a cut on my wrist
With one of the tiny little shards
The pain, such sweet heavenly bliss

It's not that I miss you, cause you were never really mine
It's not that I regret loving you, I'd repeat it every time
But my pain has caused you misery that I'm not sure I fully understand
And the guilt lays think upon you, much more than I ever had planned

It's that I had this single drop of hope,
That my wish to have you
Might actually one day come true
But no, just another impossibility
That I'd find love and truly be happy

It ***** my childish ways and innocence were ripped away at such a young age
The one thing you want more than anything, was the one thing they had to take
And I know it sounds silly, but I hate them more now cause I blame them that I can't have you
My nightmares will come when I finally sleep, unfortunately, waking up is a nightmare too

I guess it's time to change my ways, although I've said this time and time again
This chemistry, that I thought was different, better, was just all imagined in my head
A change of heart, a change of soul, a change of my mind and a lack of passion
So many things I can't change, makes it my fault then. Wouldn't it be easier if I were dead?

"You can't really love someone you've never met."


          He's the first thing on my mind
   when I open my eyes,
             the last thing I think about
    before I go to sleep,
           he's in my thoughts all
    the moments in between,
his face takes away the nightmares
             and fills all my dreams.
       *How is this not love?

I got out of bed with a bit of uneasiness,
I decided that it's been too long since I've written.. I think the last time I did was last week
...or the week before ?
I looked at the date, and make me twitch,
Made a tear, or two fall
Made my heart break in a few more pieces.
DID YOU KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE WE MET ? Figuratively that is ..
DID YOU KNOW, that you've broken me into minute pieces ??
Pieces unable to be detected by microscopes ??
Pieces that can't be felt or touched with your naked hand?
DID YOU KNOW ?
No you don't.
You've been too busy missing her every second, like you did with me.
Been too busy upset with her, like you were with me.
Been too busy telling her how much you like her like you did with me.
HECK, YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY WORSHIPPING HER ANGELIC FACE, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY BEGGING HER, TO SEE HER FULL BODY, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY telling her of your childhood, and how you missed your dad
..too busy telling her how suicidal you were, and how placed a gun to your head.
And you're probably too busy, telling her of me.
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY, SITTING, FORMULATING THE LIES YOU'LL TELL ME NEXT, AS TO WHY YOU'VE HAD NO TIME FOR ME : "I was helping my mom with the Christmas tree" "Someone was using my phone" "Sorry I was sleeping" - (WAIT DIDN'T YOU SPEND NIGHTS UP WITH ME TELLING ME YOU HAVE INSOMNIA ? ) "Sorry I was out" "Sorry I was on a call" . AND I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE TRUE, I DON'T CARE IF I'M EMOTIONAL BUT THAT'S TOO MUCH 'I'M SORRYS' . TOO MUCH EXCUSES, TOO MUCH LIES.
And I'm sorry that I made a mistake and liked you so much. I'm sorry for letting you taking up my phone space,
With pictures of you that an artist would find hard to formulate.
Sorry you were my screensaver.
Sorry I told my sister about you ..yeah I told her how adorable you were
And I told her you were my ''soon to be boyfriend" ...
And I'm sorry that I pushed another into the fire because of you
Yeah I'm sorry I pushed him aside.
But karma's a ***** and I knew it would get me, I told you it would AND I TOLD YOU IN THE END I'D BE HURT, and you told me no, and I would be.
Darling being replaced doesn't bother me, it doesn't make my bones crack,
It doesn't make my heart cry ..
It's the mixed signals.
Today you're all flirty with me, tomorrow you're calling me names.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ?!
I know you no longer need be, and to be honest you never did,
So be honest with me and let me leave you alone ??

I'm also sorry for listening to your lies.
I should've known though, by the signs you gave,
"Let's be friends with benefits?"
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D GO SOMEWHERE ?? F.W.B, WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D BE TOGETHER ONE DAY ? F.W.B, WHEN YOU SAID YOU LIKED ME MORE THAN YOU SHOULD'VE ??
Special to be used then thrown aside ?
What did you want ? A piece of me ?
I should've have know when you said I was special, after I said you were my "soon to be boyfriend "
And I'm sorry you'll never get to see this.
But I hope you suffer from your mistakes
And rot in the arms of any other you come across,
Because no one will EVER adore you like I DID.

I always tell the truth
     Every moment of the day
I always write what I'm feeling
     And what I really wanna say
I don't ever let myself get walked on
     Or abused or put through pain
I never hide my face with sunglasses
     Or let my tears fall silently like rain
I've never gone back to a man whos cheated
     Or beat me or made me feel less than nothing
I've never based my opinions of others on my past
     Or cut myself so I could at least feel something
I'm never gonna make another mistake
    Or fail or treat someone unkind
I've always thought I was worth more than others think
    And I've never lost my mind