This is my real talk, just hope you like it.
It's a bit lengthy, but give it a shot please.
✅

I live for the future I'll be making, who made that future which is my present?

Am I responsible?

Am I held guilty of the life I think is miserable to me?

I control my actions, though some things make me have no say in them, like they are merely ought to be, but are they?

I don't believe anything is written. We just rewrite everything assuming it's imagination; the power of The Mind,  isn't it ephemeral? Everything? Time?

What is the destination we are colliding into? Should we move along every particle flying towards nothing? There is no real escape.
As I rabble the riverside and dunk my feet into its soothing, should I let go?
Move along?
Or might I stand still, held by my own weight down, like those pebbles in rest, nestling beneath me,
what is flowing has to return to rub against them, why should I meander aimlessly,  come back to what I am?
Travel so far for what I am now.  Searching for what I need everywhere else,when it is me I need to be.
Should I not proceed?

What is beyond me?
Or is there just me?
Because when I'm gone,  there really is nothing for me.
I am and I was, but can I say for sure that there will be a me?

Something radioactive degrades,  transits into another form. Is the time that's degrading, being formed somewhere else?
Is there another life exploding? To be heard?
Or to just be left as it is,  untouched by our Midas one?

Is that other time nearby, few steps from our physical self; light years away,
Or is it yet a million years to go?
Because I don't have a million years to live,
To stay, to define my destiny.
The pain of the past won't leave so I'd have to,
To leave behind me, 
My legacy.

Gazes

I'm between his numb expressions,

Lesser a stare, more than just a look,

Not every time is he stealing a smile,

But more than a while he's been


I fear I react just to cold and fire,

And his vigour is somewhere in between,

I fear, he's built the fear in me,

That someday maybe he'll turn around and give in

Lose the patience, find some other back and gazes to steal.

I buried your bones, I buried your skin, buried your hooks that hung my mind akin...

I emptied your closet, I emptied the walls, I've emptied the garden of roses and thorns...

I broke the vases, I've broken the dishes, I've broken myself into submission...

I've pulled the blinds, I've pulled the bedsheets, I've pulled the nerve to reckon your touches...

And as much as I'm hiding, as much as I'm blaming, as much as I'm crying in vain over paining...

I rattle the hangings, I battle my god, I scatter belongings that don't matter at all...

It's begining to occur the way back is hard, to places we made in oceans and stars...

You're a part of the air now, I'm breathing dense it's heavy, maybe I can try and walk out of the mess, but the drag's too much to resist...

The warmth of the floor still persists on the floorboards where you stood, so cold and lonely you were, I kept ignoring the truth...

What hurts the most is that I knew yet I kept it low, I slept every night beside you, and let the spaces grow,

I can hear the curtains screaming, cursing with every sip of the wind, to reveal these hands I denied her and let her scream within,

There's words to speak,
I say to these walls where we sneaked,
To kiss to breathe each other,
Where we laughed at every situation
Just like lovers....We were
I wish I'd said it then,
I fathom you still bound to the wall,
Eyes looking at their reflection in mine,
Like knowing that we lovers would fall...