I enjoy something until i realize I can lose it;
A moment
A loved one
Life

The present is continually lost
yet somehow
progresses 
Regret and loss only live here when we chose.

i hate this
this feeling
the intensity of discovery, confusion, love
the depth of this world

i know that there are times
that i love this
this feeling
the intensity of discovery, confusion, love
the depth of this world

i need somebody 
that fiercely hugs my in- and out-sides
one who helps me
stabilize this being of mine that becomes so intense
with physical, mental, and emotional energy
that she NEEDS reassurance she is not
crazy or alone.
and that she is always loved.

i know it's hard to tell
but i'm not crazy by choice
i would have stopped by now
if i had that control

I'm desperate for somebody who takes control
and gives me peace.

it was almost you.

I guess I'll keep wandering around
asking friends and sometimes strangers "can I help you?" with my lips
and "can you help me?" with my heart.

A few weeks out and I still feel
Nothing
I was told it was it was going to hit
But I'm not convinced it ever
will.

A few years ago I thought I felt
"I love you"
When it rolled through your mouth into mine
But, I'm not convinced it ever
tasted right.

A few months ago I was
Broken
I thought deeply, felt terribly, and wrote often
But I'm not convinced it ever
Had to do with you.

A few moments ago I had
Written nothing
For you
And even this poem feels.
forced.

My immaturity is showing

Frustrated
At another, for his choices
For two. At their choices
Frustration. Inconsiderate people.
They are perhaps unaware of their action's consequences?

It's not them I should be worrying about.
This is a ME problem.
The frustration is inside of me
Their actions helped create it, but who am I to tell others how to operate?

Don't stop. Don't give in.
Do what you're doing. Don't feel entitled.
Get back to work.

The reason i say no is because
you do not know what

harms can befall you
addictions can seize you
terrors can engulf you
and deception can trick you

when you do know what

harms can befall you
addictions can seize you
terrors can engulf you
and deception can trick you

I hope you can say no,
too

I can write for you
Or I can write for me

I can recieve the instant gratific8tion
Or I can release my feels

The rawness and jaggedness and ugl8ness of something unrefined that runs too long and lacks or
Der

If I am to be a collector of confirmation and praise, only one category is permitted:
My own.
I want to 0ractice not eating the marshmallow.

When my inner self and my outer self disagree
I tend to let my inner self free
I will not be repressed by society.

I am labeled straight forward
abrasive
Some say it with respect and admiration
Others, like I have a disorder

They can call me abrasive
I'm prepared for it to continue
until my inner self fully replaces
judgement with Love

I am determined to seek empathy
I will continue to let my inner self free
I will not be repressed by society.

I have a long way to go
but, I trust me.