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I feel like having a little part,
A little part of the sun
Like the hope that it brings
Seeking to catch the rays of positivity
To bring some of it into my life,
To still burn brighter,
Rather than burning out
By all things that lead you
To you dismay,
Winding you down at the end of the day.

Sometimes it's perplexing
When I try to rise and shine,
To be brighter than life
These rays of the sun
When it gives me hope,
Knowing full well it will all come undone
By my discretion
With which I can't even cope
Things have some way to spiral,
Spiral out of control
Tricking me into believing
If I even had that power for a fleeting second
Well, some things have a bitter end
There's an end to this pretend
I'm trying to give it more,
More than it needs
Despite knowing the truth
Which is not so great as it always fades,
By the layers of the facade that lie underneath
Can't be unearthed,
It all feels surreal
But the effort is, in fact, very real.

Going back to the childhood days,
When you were bright as the day
Somewhere hidden these memories still lay
Pictures of your innocence,
Dragging you around
The bluntness of reality leaves you to astound
All I'm looking for is a haven
A sanctuary for healing the wounds,
Maybe I'm chasing the wrong thing
Maybe all I need is somebody
Somebody to share the pain,
Someone to hold hands with
Under the beautiful rain
They always say that when you have love,
You don't need anything else
Maybe that is my answer,
Maybe I've been asking all the wrong questions.

Getting over myself, I come to my senses
Life can't be lived in future tenses,
It is what is, right here and now
Not thinking about how you go out
But what you make of it while you still can,
The journey of this ever running man
Running away for myself,
From myself
Maybe I've got everything I need
If I live in this space between
The beauty and pain.

In need of a light
That goes on till by seemingly endless days
Thinking of the impossible, I know
What's the harm in thinking
Of a better place in my heart?
Rather than these graves that I've dug for myself
Where the cold wind blows
All I hear is the silence now,
Never heard it like that before
Trying to make sense of it all,
Still leaves me baffled somehow.

All I need is a little part,
A little part of the sun
To feel the burn,
To feel the warmth inside
A perpetual storm resides within,
Cold winter snow in my soul
The fluctuations of my reality
Finally taking its toll
The moment is edging closer
So I decided to drop this act like a poser
Its time to be real, be a man
I would need a new plan
To deal with these mistakes
From which I can't outrun
Although it is easier said than done
But all I need,
Is a little part of the sun.
 Aug 2020 Vaampyrae
Ryan Dement
All the best minutes
are lost to hours,
while many
moments
marry us
for years.
 Aug 2020 Vaampyrae
Beaux
Left Alone
 Aug 2020 Vaampyrae
Beaux
Leave me alone
I screamed it into the night

Leave me alone
I cried it into my pillows

Leave me alone
I begged it into the dark

Leave me alone

So they did

They left me alone
 Aug 2020 Vaampyrae
Beaux
Summer after our senior year
The best days of our lives
The best parties
The best dreams
The best memories

It was supposed to be
The best days of our lives

Not enough was done
Not enough was said
Not enough was together

Together
Together we’ve laughed
Together we’ve hugged
Together we’ve dreamed
Together we’ve believed
Together we’ve loved

Together doesn’t last forever

The best days of our lives
Were spent apart

The best days of our lives
Were spent away

The best days of our lives
Are gone

These were supposed to be
The best days of our lives
My poems usually have a repeating line or rhythm. This one is more chaotic because the way i feel is chaotic. I hope you enjoy anyways.
 Aug 2020 Vaampyrae
Beaux
If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.
The state of Florida is now home to the two most deadly mass shootings in American history. Pulse Nightclub was attacked in my city, I have friends who attend Marjory Stoneman Douglas in Parkland. My little sister often fears going to school. I'm afraid to graduate and leave her. I want to be able to protect her if something happens. I hate that we have a reason to be afraid... That it's reasonable to have these fears. I hate it so f*cking much.
I didn't know what hit me
A roller coaster ride of emotions
One day I'm happy
Next, I'm tired

I didn't know what hit me
Your love so overwhelming
You caught me off-guard
A love so ecstatic
A love so pure
A love so beautiful
And I can't take it all in

I'm unlovable
Can't even take hugs seriously
Can't even make my own cup of coffee
Can't even make my brain be happy

But you taught me how to
You taught me all the things I can't even teach myself
You made me do all the things I won't even try
You even made me love myself.

But you were never mine
Never mine to begin with
Never mine to end this
 Aug 2020 Vaampyrae
Ryan Dement
Some long-haul trucker
told me about
a buffalo people
who have very
light souls
and bathe themselves
in seeds.
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