Mopin' in an overpriced motel
Trying to decide what items I can sell... Well, what's few and far between
Hardly any parts are even left of me

though THINGS do not define us
Take a peek in my chest cavity
You'll see I am righteous
High-strung Yet somehow Vibrant

Here it is, kids
'Tis the season of unrest
There's no sleep just tweakers
Screaming obscenities
In shadow corners
"****" "****" "****"  "godammit"
Im watching his sanity go
Right out the door

Is it the allure?
OR
Perhaps its the warm bed?
That's keeping me from leaving right along with it
I bite my tongue til it becomes
Blood red
Before I know it my mouth
Begins mimicking my head

And I'm yelling ...


"****** I can't stand it, get your **** together man!"

The crow
still remaining
every morning
forever hanging
on the corners
of lids
I sense
paranoia
seeping in

Each decision were given
every sentence we spit
has been mapping pathways
and to be honest...I'm afraid

I couldnt handle losing
Something so beautiful
Locked
behind our thot chakras
Pupils loosen to
Go all optical
Ilusions
project on screen


and how likely it could be
IT leaves me paranoid
I refuse to be the lepper led
to the poison pit
by somee lovely deceiving mirage

watch it bomb
get up and trek on
can't just let them watch
me rot
Cam, come on,
can't keep stopping

Wake up daily and thank god
I'll always pay homage
to the lot
that taught me this

perpetually in debt
to these lessons
I can't seem to get
cuz I guess Im thick headed

Not all is lost
I know it seems
****** off but there is still
plenty of pretty moments

closing in
freakin focus
or before you lose them

Maybe its better to have nobody, then have a leach
Wretched over every facet
waiting to dissect you in the most gruesome of ways

Maybe it's better to be bored
And unknowing than to be poisoned by waves of euphoria
Or the parasitic ***** that run this town

Maybe it's better to love simply for the sake of it, thriving off this new energy he brings you, than searching for a soul too much like yourself

Maybe it's better to be content I think
Then I think again, maybe it's better to be sad happy lonely angry scared because that way I'll never stagnate

Maybe it's better if I carry all my doubts to the great mother
Rather than carrying the **** through life with trembling hands
Putting my faith in something larger than this faulty machine

Maybe the rage gives me power
Makes my writings fly straight off the page and into your bloodstream

Maybe I'm the main character
In a show like the twilight zone
..Or twin peaks
Where I'm the only sane one left here to document it all

Maybe I'm happy for once and the serotonin just hasn't resumed
It's fill line yet..

Maybe
Just maybe
All the answers and all the possibilities are here
Questioning me

The itching; affects, don't let 'em tell you otherwise
Stay Lost in the ink blots
I promise, It'll help you forget
We're all scared
We're all aware
but w continue keep it quiet.
We continue to hold onto
what we should riot.
We attempt to itch away
what we cannot change..
and that just makes us uncomfortable.
But in that frustration I learn,
love doesn't exist without forgiveness.
But that still doesn't fix this!
So I drink away
my mangled brain
trading this pain
for dizziness

Who is the royal and who is the ***,
we're all family when the earth falls
**** hugging ****,
on a ***** rug..
waiting for a red-tailed rock
to tear open
big blue.

Midnight- snack Guardian
Karate chopping fruitflies
Until the oatmeal is
Imbibed
Mmm derived right outta
The HIVE

Might as well be my time
Mine to Wreck
if I'm so inclined to
Walk a mile in/side my slip-ons

Try it
A light so bright
I could make
A wish on
Sonic Boom

Grab a snack
And watch it all
Fall down from your
Flatscreen

Trying to find solace in the suburbs
when everything seemed superb
like that cookie-cutter,
picket fence,
faux fur mentality
they instill at the start

Just an infant with scars
He reached for her baby bump,
Then slammed it hard
onto the stairwell
She fell, wept, and held
That lil princess
and prayed she'd never have the same hell

All grown up. Alive and well
shes got different demons
different intricate cells
It's been said
she is special      she is awake
But, in many ways
She is the same

As that ANGEL who carried her 23 years ago
That's debt I'll always owe
A gift I'll never own
Carefully Constructed
and Creatively Sewn
shoved a soul into that shell
That'll one day guide her back home


Shes got her mamas tough, yet gentle heart
her smile, brevity and love for art..
she can write her *** off
like her
the wrote and the writ

Yet she's plagued by guilt
every ******* minute
GUILT for the life that she'd been given
GUILT  for each exhale emitted
She prays that God will have the sense
to go back in time and hit OMIT
(on all chapters even close to the word 'human'
there's GUILT for feeling guilty even more for despising your own )
"I must've slipped through the gate, admit it!
Or recruit another for your mission
regretfully, I must solicit
that I'm not fit for this position


I'm no hero
I'm the villain
If ya look close you'll see
I spit venom"
Mama walks in
smiles and says
"WE.
ARE.
WOMEN!"
"Betta recognize and
quit your *******'
as of today, you are living..
You are loved
You are safe
You are ******* winning

WARRIOR,
CREATOR,
QUEEN,
GODDESS,
INCARNATE..
We are strength & We are the faith
never to be broken
but we still stay brave


The Legend wont start
or end with you
Its a fight stretched out
through  time
You will understand soon
No matter how much you ask
"WHY"
It wont stop circumstance
wont stop lies
wont stop suffering
and will NEVER compromise

Your in the way of the wave, child
This.....  the secret to life
When in the way of the wave...
its only a matter of time
S0 if youre searching for solace
Will you promise
To memorize this line

Quick!
Que the narrations
A smooth voice got let loose
And truth gotta facelift

So freakin' biased
We cant help
It's in our nature
To fluff up the sequence

Relinquish some regrets
In attempt to rewrite
Any meaning or misprints
That was etched under the skin of it...

Holding all the pieces
We can Picasso this ****
Or just leave it. as it. already. is.
So raw so so rhythmatic

Naked Atoms
Just reacting
Simple math
Creature of habit

Tend to stress instead of laugh
Put one in a cave,
WATCH US MAKE ANYTHING ...
Anything But our own happiness

Happiness, what is that ishh?

12-2-12
Money bags
I will never get my hands on
I know it will curse the man
who stands on it but it does
keep you worry free
I saw my future through
a kaleidoscope that day
and forced my memory
to tuck it away



scared to death (I'm shaking)
of all my "want but never haves"
I wish I never wanted this
wish I never had to have..

What a wonderful daydream
We deemed worthy of unearthing
Well certainly
Two cut up corners
Can Endure morbidness
And ignore
the torture together??

As Burning birds of a feather

A few feet from the closet
Awful Monsters
began to plot  
Slinging
Sabotage and dishonesty
Launching black bombs

Your oxygen is so toxic
Let that nonsense
Drip
From
Your
Lips
Like
Hot
Spit

Quit with the rhyme schemes
I got caught slobberin'
On myself again
Just as guilty as the rest

Matrix
Play tricks
Maybe I'll makeshift a shiv
To shake off these shivers
Really Hate to miss her
My favorite pinched nerve..

My sweet
His eyes look up at me with sorry sighs
Those sorry’s cry,
A puddle of gluttonous goodbyes
Poured into your sight
Expression crept upon a still face
Still facing your ‘just waits’
Your ‘too lates’
Take a leap of faith-
It might be worth it

Keep your eyes on the lamppost
for that is the only thing
that matters
Matters?? Not
sirens, cellblocks, or
mindless chatter
Place it on shelf
the wind knows it must
shatter

Every  minute
Of every day
I beg myself
Not to fight you

Not because I fear I'll lose
And not because of politeness cowardice,
Or weakness
But because this **** is not a
Game to the rest of us

And we've had the anger
thrown at us


since we could stand
Therefore we refrain from
Showing our fangs until
We have to bite back

I'd rather show I can stand for
something/someone
That I love and believe
With patience,
Humility,
And grace

Truth is,  
I hate seeing my dad in me
When rage rushes in
And makes the stage
its playground
Which creates the most terrifying
Plot-Twist
I tried my damnedest
not to star in
The entire time
Then  BAM
........................
Now, what fresh hell is this?

Oh so I guess
I'm both hero
And villan
flinching from glass shattering
Like a halo above my head
While screams fill my nemesis
With momentary madness
Breaking everything of mine
That's in sight

To try and frighten me?
Or cause me to cry in a high pitched whine you must like when I
  Hypervintalate til I'm blue in the face
Reliving worst fears
Miracles that came and I nearly made my escape
Only bc something saved me
But why is it were brought back
To walk right through hell
Again
Yelling "How could you"!
Chasing my self through hallways
Swearing to catch her

Part 2
_
But as usual
The topic got lost again
I've got a habit
Of losing focus
What a wonderful daydream
We deemed worthy of unearthing
Can two cut up corners
Endure morbidness
And ignore the torture together


A few feet from the closet
Awful Monsters
began to plot  
Sabotage and dishonesty
Launching black bombs

Plus hexes and next level testaments plus test after test after tests after tests

Sure yeah monitor this ****** mess
YOU ALONE made
Take from yo teammates
Next lead an army of hardly alarming fickle ***** to fight
For you
Loyalty aint what you do


What a shame
A bully came in
and basically begged me to beat
Her repeatedly
Not only poking my ego
But
Weakening the way I see myself
Way to ******* go!
wait how did she steal the whole show from under us
Playing puppet master
To cover the lack of self control
Hard to mold an identity  
When you born with no soul

  Part3
___
Now she dictating
This entire ship
Turning partners against
Each other
With a curve of her serpent
Tongue
And makes sure to hiss curses
Wicked whispers that
will worm in
the cracks
Of every door that slams
Behind her
Just another reminder
That its never a matter of manners
It's always these double standards
"Do as I want not as I flaunt"



Meaning she might as well
Own the planet
As long as there no one to answer to
And Nothing standing in the way
"Only the unloved hate"

To Think or to feel
To Hate or to heal
To Share or to steal
To Love or to fear


Fill in the blank
We   too much
and_ too little

Man you's a
Manic nerd
Making spoken word
Mad libs based off Charlie Chaplin speeches
Maybe she's mad at the fact
I got my eyes on my own work
   And that personality comes  natural to me
That irks some people ???

I suppose, bc everything comes easy
besides the easiest things
Which we continue to feign
for
This void we keep feeding
With fake ****
It cannot be taken
Qor be caged, obtained by paper,
or by glistening gold stones  or trophies or credit nor connections you cannot teach it or trade it

Part 4
_
maybe you were right man
Can't believe I  Spent so long asking why would they
Take my crumbs after I've JUST BEEN MUGGED
Or jump me
already injured
unprovoked
So apparently broken
What they don't know
Is how Many minutes I spent
Tearing up in envy
Over what everyone else got
Hopin' I could get a taste
Of the same
Kind of amazement

When all I should ever be is grateful
In these minutes that remain I will
Make full
all my
empty achings
That waste
Time trying to take me down

Too much light inside
For dark dealings
To penetrate my forcefeilds
The healer can never be killed
These shields were
Built too  Too tough
By my guides
To let any evil seep through

Channel 2

Nightly News

Who even knows anymore?


The clink of dishes


Disarray


Discussions a-bout dynamite


Likely to tear my hair out


It's fair to say I'd scare


my younger self


Wouldn't recognize,


or even know how to reply


to the sight of things


Paranoia creepin' in


Might have to do with,


all that research I been readin'


Either tricks are being played


Or something is amiss
in the way you treat me...

NO land owned
NO field of gold to catch me
NO big parade to welcome me back
But I get bug chirps
And static humms
And that is much more filling
We are the dumb
and we are the willing
The sound of white reminds us
How much time we steal
Or does it get stolen from us?chewed through it in our chest now we make our way
While wounded
Saying NO to death
Each time it tempts me

trying something new
Its time to
Crawl outta my box
No Stoppin'
Push that foot
So heavy in the gas
That they deem you to be
"ALIVE"
Adrenaline is the easiest high
Hyperventilate til were lazy
& blue in the face

Do you ever miss me?
Finding all of these forgotten songs
I wrote for you
10 plus years of hope
Hoping I'd learn how to get over you
I filled my void with food,
With hunger,
With chemicals,
With ***,
With words,
Waiting for each one
To fill me with warmth
But I hadn't felt it since
These old songs match the scars on my arms
And I'm left here wondering
Was it ever mutual?
Did you even feel a fraction
Of the hurt I did?

The drops ,
they drip
but gently
This time
I can only hope
the softness reminds him
of me
Where have you run off to?
You left me
out here in the rain
to dry myself

One in a million
Lately they make **** by the trillions
Milk dry the stillness
That was meant for us
To feel healing
Amongst the weight of the
Too much
The faint rush
This leakage of black sludge

So you finally
Got the guts
To migrate...

To give a guy
A chance
When you know it
Ends the same..
As the song before

Told you to knock
Down these walls
And build a door
Instead ya didn't
do a **** thing

But diss
And disappointment me
Did I expect
It to explode

With all your
Odes and empty promises
Love bombing
Cuz you wanted me

Now it's
"Our views are just too different"
You're "confused" and your too distant
To the point where I'm


Sitting,
Waiting,
Wishing



On You
Yet again

OPT
To
Always
Be tossed aside

You won't get a rise
If it ain't the
Right guy

Time to get "NOT NICE"
WHY do you always
Add insult
To injury
Weird innit?!?
How you can
Feel so different
Within Minutes...
Potential Nemesis

Neva got your name...
Neva got time
To explain, it
Neva gonna give/ up
Neva gonna
sign my name
I am
NOT IT
And IT ain't either

These are messages
You can glean from
Cuz you know
By now
I'm
Sicka Da Rerun

overcompensation
Wasted
For the others
To hide in
Tight-fit basements
Some are vacant
Some are shrewd
But both take advantage of the smallest in the room

Micro manage
Call me standard
But i cant stand to stand
Cant stand to sit
Im overjoyed and poised
In all the wrong ways
Its constant disarray
These days were prone to fainting
And waiting around
For something that helps us feel "in place"
Guess it back to basics

Oh Happy Day
What a very Happy  day
Now, how many laps do I have to take
And how many acts could I actually save
til I one day savor it
Here, take your HATE you can cradle it
Ive been an angel of patience
still stuck in prayer
Theyll say
she is so much safer
without the danger there
waiting to break
her
Pain is simply in her nature

Paranoia agent
Less placating
more fragrance
I aim to never let this conscience
Split
Though it looks to be sifting,
Like Dust through an empty house
Keep me bothered..on my toes
So i can keep the monsters at bay

There's certain albums
When I listen to 'em
I can't help but think of you
And I can't help but thank you
For showing me such beautiful things
And teaching me what you taught me
At such a young age
So if your reading this
Thank you...
I'll forever be in debt to you
For being both my lover and sensei
And showing me such beautiful things
It shaped who I am today
And I could say its a shame
We didn't work out the way
I wanted us to
But of course we were supposed to separate
For reasons much bigger than our brains could handle..

Feed your ego to the dogs
Finally freed from the fog
That's alot
That's a body
That's like alot to follow
Also,
Make sure you mock
The other comics
Cuz I wouldn't wanna cause
False hope
Ironic
How you lost confidence
When
You was on top of the world
Til you got on stage
Stay tuned
All the way to the end
Ya'll prolly ready for the plot twist
It's all for show
But yo, watch this
Finale' I voluntarily
Throw a bottle
Of cotton and lava stones
I lit from the suns' light
My cocktails are molotovs
Why flaunt or front
Im fully flawed
And now Im wishing I
called home....

Oh no
dot dot dot
....................
"thought so"

12-2-11
Pieced & Plastered
All my batter
On the wall
Did the red splatter

Like it ever even mattered
I float away
Explode in laughter
"Oh at last I'm free"

All the little bodies staggered
One by one
Right towards disaster
Then they pray for a
New master

Because they can't think for themselves
I am one of the unworthy
Strike me down when
I'm not sturdy...

You can't hurt me
Na, you can't hurt me
'cause I've already hurt myself

Pitiful
Oh The great lull
Of insults
Cloaked head to toe with the **** your scared to face most
I scream into the ether
Either way just know
I hate hope
And holy moments
Lit up for showbizz
Do you copy-right?
I like how
The credits keep rolling
Whatever the weather
Or how separate we seem
Listen. I. believe. it. all
Starting with subtle stings of the sensory
So sensitive the skin it is
conscious of itself
Slowly you'll notice, what you were taught is false
The epitome of love is accepting
dreaded loss.. to convey what's sacred listen to a mouth that doesn't talk
I sprout chills like saplings now
Rapid wavelengths happening
will u accept this message
I'm meant to stumble
Then ultimately fall
it's a bit fictional
how
Real it all
looks
From the inside
It's like my soul shook
And took images
Of fish
In glass boxes
To project on the
Backs of my eyelids
To remind me how my insides
Can also breathe life
I can synch with those of different species
To unveil the secrets we need
To emit empathy

I pay my ***** 4 quartas
To sit in the corner
And make sure
I'm safe while I rage
In a game with torture
And gore
No need to be afraid
Of horror anymore
My ****** got my back
And a pocket full of quarters

I dont wannna be a hostage
And I don't wanna be another monster watching
All my brothers hang
From crosses
Because I couldn't stop
My jaw from popping
led to the poison pit yet again
And ate a written I should have never put in pen

I bathe in good riddance
trickle my fingers
over the warmth as it cleanses
create ripples
that eventually die out
playing God for a moment
wash the sins away
savor this flavor beading down
tickling over my femininity
FIVE MINUTES EARLIER
I was smothered in gluttony
slathered in bacon grease
purged away my worries insecurities and uncertainties
pain was unheard of
smell the sickness
fogging the windows
clouding my future and blanketing the room
the aroma is a reminder, I earned this rejuvenation
exhausted. throat throbbing.
self-betrayal
name calling
slaughter the voice
That caused
Awful sobbing
Where's the positive reinforcement?

No more power-play
Fixated on fake arrangements
That hang off each neck  
I try not to show up
All in faded days

I press play
dribble the drop
juggle what I've got
now  watch me
go off

You can do your best to stay away
Shameful in an insane amount of ways
Play the role although,
I wanna break....
The rules, your paintings, your face
Without paper the pen tends to dries out
And so it always goes
The poet starts to doubt herself
Like
Never
Before
What I adore's
Is what I deem important

Loosing your identity
loosing your identity
scraping your knees
on the concrete
cause your feeling a bit
off beat

Great mother,
allow me to sway & wallow
with the sea
because I'm sick of the stillness
and silence of the
buildings useless

I wonder if I'm using you to
make my world make sense
you haven't looked at me the
same way since...

Prolonged Seconds
Painted on my Iris
The reflection I hide by closing
My eyelids
Tied them shut
To shun away a virus
In search of weak bones
To inject the violence
We're targeted
The auto-pilot *****
Devoid of sense
Go here, sign this
Another problem their paid to fix
The **** I see and hear
Sometimes makes me sick
So I sit wait and sit
Holding for another ******* expectation
Defeat, repeat, defeat, repeat:
While I hold my breath
Survive for a few more prolonged seconds
2-21-11

Maybe you were right man
Can't believe I  Spent so long
asking why would anyone
Take my crumbs after
I've JUST BEEN MUGGED!!!!!
Or jump me
While injured
unprovoked
So apparently broken...


What they don't know
Is how Many minutes I spent
Tearing up in envy
Over what everyone else got
Hopin' I could get a taste
Of the same
Kind of amazement

When all I should ever be is grateful
In these minutes that remain
I promise  I will
Make full
all my
empty achings
That waste
Time trying to take me
down

Too much light inside
For dark dealings
To penetrate my forcefeilds
The healer will never be killed
These shields were
Built too  Too tough
By my guides
To let any more evil
seep in

Psychic evaluation
Plastic pent up devastation
Watch me from the outside
Shaking, facing corners like I should be faces
Growing thicker by pressure
Letters never mustered out
Quick short breaths
Soothe the skull cap
Bring light to a gray face
Scratched into the surface
lines of  insecurity, passion
Worry upon worry
New ones etched each morning
As I look upon the canvas
Motionless
I wonder do they find me boring?

there it is
a little glint
of sunrise
urging my eye- lids
to pry themselves open
again
though we can hope
for what might've been
Having trouble just trying to understand
I must keep missing the message
within .. us
lustin' after
inter dimensions
But it's make believe
hey, you know,
What is strange
Is lately
I no longer have to need
Only sweat & bleed
POETRY
Pushing ink to
swim deep
via bloodstream
She
is so complete
but eaten up with
Ancient Bruises
How bout you
Go
Get a grip
then
make me lose it
look at u
misusin
uniqueness
As if
It wasn't given
as a gift
So that your hues
can breathe less
Let my limbs
weaken
when I reach the
deep-end
Yes you yes you
Yes! you are the glue
that keeps my
parts from leaving
"I love the drama
in the dry heave
Eye look for ward
in putting it all behind me."
Release all things
Which make us nervous
Sir
I dont think
even heard this
****, didn't peg you as
squirmish
**** It
let's ready the curtain
I swear
I didn't mean to hurt them
sorry
I guess I'm still learnin

Fools Gold
Looks just like a
Bud Nug
Blatant

Bold,
And Beautiful
By far
The fire marks had been gone
But continue to Bathe it

"You have a way with 'em"
To be straight
Im still holding the
poker chips,
the bullwhip,
Or whichever
Fill in the blank rhymes
Fit best

I am beating the meat
Out of this machine
Wish it leaked quarters
But it never does

Not so easy being a Street ***..
Being a being...
Being a ligament above the rest
Another rung to climb tirelessly
Until we hit the exit sign

Part 2
__
Until we hit the exit sign
Don't just be baiting yourself
.......
You DUMB *****
I like the way you hold that pencil girl
So sent/i/men/tal
So long
so so so much
Suf/er/ring
A piece of a larger sheet
A piece of a larger sheet

Part and parcel
Be Brief
and cut to the credits please
Read those 'Solid Instructions
To Self Destruct'
Must obstruct justice

No
Must uphold justice
DUH
Go for it
Hit the kick drum

Dumb it down all day
We not just
"All Play"
Aye can you see it in my bravery?
The way I play hide and seek
With my shadows
And force them to show
Themselves

Right in front of the
Sun's Rays
Son, Raise
your right hand
And swear upon this pyrite
That you won't Take
Time
For granted

Anymore......

How
can
something
smell
so
sweet
yet
taste
so
bitter?

Starving
artist
harvest
hardship
harness 
harmlessness
in the darkest sharpness
where the sharks live
and started
ripping apart their target
settle 
like a heartless carcass 
parting with the flesh..
-written in '13 by camryn johnson

Repleted
cuddle up to comfy cotton
burrow in
til the chills settle again

That happy place
lies far away
waiting for me to move in
permastate permeate
residuals through every crack

Taint the facts
in backlash coded
with frightful flashes
psychobabble


light the latter
sight is viable
likely to shatter

Wasting days
by pacing
afraid of the intake
I've been craving too much lately

Starting to doubt my own will
we base it off what we build
The objective: to thrill
Invent new ways to feel

React gradually
the moon lit up a battle scene
It's A childish dream
to resist the whispers
and then fall asleep
it's hard to breathe

recoil

July 30, 2011 at 6:25pm
There ya go  
slowly  starting to fade
in the concaves
the beam wanes
electro-magnetic waves radiate
straight through the skin
and to the veins
bleeding my own scarlet rays

Disguised as.....
an Indian eye
on my forehead
vines down
into a lava
sizzling bone tissue

Frying every fiber.........atom.......... and molecule
that piece me together

even still you scintillate
in an array of glistening grains
stirring in my bloodstream
static tension
aching flesh

I Rotated
the beam
and became
a reflector
scorching your innards
in
excruciating
ways