These chains get heavier and heavier.
They get harder and harder to carry .
As I fall to the ground I cry and cry.
So much pain, so much pain.
A light shines down on me.
So bright it breaks every chain.
That light was Jesus. He broke every chain.

These thoughts and emotions have not found themselves in the stanzas
Of a poem in quite some time.

There was a time when they no longer
Needed to be; I was fine.

No longer did I hunger for lost love,
Hate myself for things I could not control;
I freed myself from inner-damnation.

Over time, however, I learned that not
Every problem was fixable in this way.

This black dog, ball-and-chain, shadow Monster always finds its way into my life,
Forcing its repulsive manner upon me.

Everyday, I am followed and taunted by
This thing I cannot see, but I feel
So strong, overbearing, dominating.

This horrible manifestation has been
Present throughout my existence, but now,
I am brought down so much lower than Ever before, I am at its will.

I am stricken, beaten, tortured.

I was fine.

I think of you
when I'm tossing
and turning
in the middle
of the night.
I can't get you
out of my head.
I keep going
over and over
all of the things
you said.
I think about
when you said
you loved me.
I remember
how you held me
so tightly to you,
I could have died
that night
at the mercy of you.
I remember
you were so warm,
and I was colder
than a winter storm.
I pushed my body
so close to you,
drifting away delicately
to dreams of our
blossoming new love.
I thought
it would last
forever.
I should have realized
that night,
there was
a blood red moon
hanging low
in the sky.

A broken face
yet the hate 
remains. 
Countless reflections-
self inflections
of pain.
Razor sharp
jagged shards-
my soul...
shattered apart
reckless heart-
no control.
But burning tears
can't hide
what I see... 
in that broken face-
the disgrace 
in me....