I'm so **** tired
Of hating myself
Of what my brain desires
Being so close of losing m'self
I am so **** tired
Of just wanting to end it all
My days are so numbered
No one left to call
So close to giving up the fight
I am so **** tired
I am ready to take the final flight

Written by
Michael Matthews

Tired of the fight
Fed up with the pain
No reason to live left in sight
I just don't want to go insane
All I want is to go to sleep
To never wake up with the next days dawn
Maybe with the gun to my head
I will finally get to stay asleep
With these Gunshot Eyes

I was told I was nothing
Everyday between the beatings
I was locked outside
Given no love besides
Mental abuse to hold me down
Making me feel like nothing but a clown
All this through out my life
Still fighting with all my might
To prove that I am enough

Written by
Michael Matthews

Left on the floor bleeding
Sitting in the shower crying
As a child never understanding
Waking from sleep to a beating
Bleeding from head to toe
Wanting to know where the hell you go
Leaving the house to let the abuse happen
At 5 had to protect my sister
Stop his *** abuse against her
Getting chased from the home
Being shot at wishing he was just gone
Guess you just didn't want to be alone
But what you let him do was just wrong
Left on the floor bleeding
Sitting in the shower crying
How could you let this happen

Written by
Michael Matthews

Why god did you take my heart
This has hurt so much its worse than being shot
Why god did you mess up life
And take her to the afterlife
Why god do you every day make me think of her
And see her at the end of every year
Why god did you take my mom
Why god why

Every night I'm reliving my past
Seeing my mental and physical abuse
My time is running out fast
It will not matter what I choose
This is the time to make my amends
For all the wrongs I have done
Before this life comes to and end
And I have to go back to where my life begun
I will lay down in my bed tonight
And know I have talked to God
So my life will be complete
And my soul will be restored.

Written by
Michael Matthews

My vision going black
Wishing I could go back
Back to when things began
To when I could see all my friends
Wishing to tell them all how I miss them
Them not seeing what I have become
The sick and fragile person of today
Wishing that I could stay
Nothing will bring me back
As my vision is going black

Written by
Michael Matthews

I just want to be dead
To go to sleep
And never leave this bed
The hidden wounds go so deep
How can I let them close
When they are frequently reopened
Everyday something happens to  re-expose
They will never be unopened
I just want to go to sleep
And never leave this bed

Written by
Michael Matthews

Slowly falling into the growing darkness
Trying every day to hold my memories tight
My friends of many years fading into blackness
Nothing is staying in the light
Childhood memories disappear
Will I also lose who I am
That is my biggest fear

Written by
Michael Matthews

Everyday I walk in the rain
The rain of tears from endless pain
Hiding the pain behind a smile
Not seen the sun in quite a while
Morning brings the rain again
Only the storm is hidden within
No cuts or bruises to show as symptoms
Everyday the internal pain beats like a drum
The only symptom is not wanting to live
From hidden pain no one can see to believe

Death is within sight
Time to go into the light
Return to where all are from
Time to see our fathers son
I leave this world of sickness and pain
No longer a reason to remain
Today death is within sight
Not long before I go into the light

Written by
Michael Matthews

Everyday I see the fighting and hate
When did the world reach this awful state
Where people fight just cause of race or religion
We are becoming nothing but a world of unforgiven
Everyday more and more violence
And most of us just sitting in silence
We must stand up and spread the word
Or face the death of our world

Going through life unknowing
Family to Family
Families who scare and beat
Families who care and are sweet
Defacs thinks this is for the best
I would love to give them a test
Take them from who they love
Put them in homes who beat
Move them from school to school
Test their will to survive
Just like they test ours
We who over come their blind eyes
And live to age of 18
Live to age and get dumped
Dumped into a world who judges
And defacs thinks this is for the best
This is life in foster care
Life with no real family
No real home, But who cares
We are not their problem
Just a child, a number, a case
To dump on anyone
Foster care, more a hell than a life

Written by
Michael Matthews

Waking to blinding pain
No idea why the beating
The parent just swinging
The words coming from their mouth
Talking about how worthless you are
How you was a mistake
How you ruined everything
As you look at where the pain is
You notice the streams of blood
Blood running down your legs
Your stomach, your arms,
And your back.
All this pain and torture
Simply because you was born
And the parent that day decided
To drink alot and focus their anger on you.

Written by
Michael Matthews

Pain and suffering beg me to follow
But I refuse to wallow
Every day I brace for what is to come
The torture of just moving from room to room
I hide the true depth of my pain
Every day my tears fall like rain
In privacy of my room
I cry as the new morning looms
Wishing I didn't have to lie
To put on a smile and hide
If people only knew how hard it is to live
So many people truely do not believe
They say I am faking it that I not look hurt
I really want to know do they have the heart
To face this everyday just to be with family
Or would they give their life to thee

Written by
Michael Matthews

Everyday I live in pain
everyday I will take the pain
just to have another day with you
the pain in my arms is nothing
compared to the joy of you in these arms
I have pain in my legs but would
walk miles to see you again
everyday I live in pain
everyday I take the pain
just to have another with you.

Written by
Michael Matthews

Seeing my future
From a sickness with no cure
Either laying in bed unable to move
Or will it **** me I have no clue
For now I try to hide the pain
From friends and family everyday
When will it take me
This is the part I am unable to see

Written by
Michael Matthews

Sitting at home
all alone
thinking of my life
and all its strife
with my last breath
on the day of my death
i will pray to him
sing a hymn
give my life freely
and take care of my family.
Written by
Michael Matthews

If you didn't know
you are the warmth in my heart
If you didn't know
you are the breath in my lungs
If you didn't know
your the light in my eyes
If you didn't know
you give me a reason to live
If you didn't know
You are my heart, my soul, my everything

Written by
Michael Matthews

Sadly god has called me home
By his side to where I belong
No more sickness, no more fears
No more pain to cause my tears
Watching over my family and friends
As my new journey with God begins

Written by
Michael Matthews

Gates of hell open before me!
My soul enters the flames of pain!
Agony, and hatred fills my mind!
No love or affection to blind my pain!
Please don't cry for me!
Rejoyce that you no longer know me!
I am the pain in all your lives!
My death will be your greatest gift to me!
**** me, Make your life joyful again!
My pain shall not be yours!
You should not know my suffering!
Death is my only friend now!
Come the taker of souls!
Death come take me to your hell!!

Written by
Michael Matthews

This is my battle cry
As I reach my hands to the sky
God please take me home
I don't want to be alone
I am tired of the pain
I am not sure I want to wake again
This night I want to see your face
Be lifted by your eternal grace
As I reach my hands to the sky
This is my battle cry
Please god allow me to come home

Written by
Michael Matthews

Death and famine is all I see
Their souls blindly follow me
I am their god I am their death
They become mine with their last breath
The bodies are around for a short time
Their souls powers will eternally be mine
Those people that lie, cheat and steal
Those that god can't heal
Fire and brimstone will be all they know
As the saying goes reap what you sow
The come to me in hordes
Sometimes just as many as the lords
With that you know my name again
The one you know me as is SATAN

Written by
Michael Matthews

I seek my death
With the last of my breaths
I pray to be let go
I'm tired of this show
I want to be pain free
I got people in heaven I want to see
Up where my spirit soars
First will be my lord
Second will be my family
That I feel will be just dreamy
Third will be my friends
With that it will be my end

Written by
Michael Matthews

If I was gone tomorrow
Would you miss me?
My death to hit your ears
Where would you be?
We haven't talked in years
Have you thought about me?
Bet you haven't thought to check
To see how my life is working out
Do I have to shout?
Come on and say what you think
Release yourself from my damaged life
My life is on the brink
When I leave this life
Would you miss me?

Written by
Michael Matthews

With my life in your hands
I want to go back to where my life began
From a simple love in your heart
The love you felt from the start
You gave me this life to make a change
As you watched from range
You see me lift my friends
You see me do it again and again
Suddenly your heart starts to ache
As you see my body start to break
You want to bring me home
You want to end my pain and never leave me alone
But you know I am not done here
So much more for people to hear
I give my life to you
Let me give people a clue
Celebrate the love you give
To all that lives

Written by
Michael Matthews

Longing for death
Wondering when I will take my last breath.
The pain is becoming overwhelming
Wanting to go to the heavenly realm
Standing in front of our father
In his grace I will be stronger
Let me be free of this sickness
Want to wake up from this darkness
Waking up in the light of the lord
So happy my spirit will soar

written by
Michael Matthews

What a night to say goodbye
As I lay my body down to die
I reach my hands toward heaven
Tonight I release all my demons
All the dark things I have done
Things done in the name of fun
They may have come to have their cost
My soul could be many times lost
Begging for my forgiveness as I fall
My screams northing more than demons call
The darkness rises from the ground
For hell is where I am bound
The darkness rises and starts to transform
This darkness is where evil is born

Written by
Michael Matthews

On the day I die
Do not cry for me
Carry on with your life
Find a new love
I hope he loves you like me
Treats you with love I have for you
Never a day goes by without I love you
Please remember on the day I die
To remember to please carry on

Written by
Michael Matthews

leaving you laying
your body bleeding
to bad you ran your mouth
and our friendship went south
you came to my home
causing my spit to foam
we both yelling and screaming
now your laying
your body bleeding

Written by
Michael Matthews

My child is far away
Bullets flying through the air
Explosion happening everywhere
Sirens ringing through the night
Brothers and sisters dieing in their sight
I pray to god to bring them home
Worrying everyday since they have gone
Not knowing where they will be
Please bring them home to me
I try not to cry everyday
From fear of losing them today
Dreaming every night
Knowing they are having to fight
Their fight has begun
Hoping to see them again
Please god bring them home
Bring them safely home
Home to me

Written by
Michael Matthews

I hear your voice in the wind
See your face in a passing window
Every day I think I see or hear you
I have missed you since you passed
You was taken to fast
I think of all the things we have done
Of out our friendship had begun
We was totally different from each other
Two brothers from different mothers
Every day I am missing you
Wish could still tell you I love you

Written By
Michael Matthews

The first time I met you I realized that you were not like the rest.
That you were different in some way or another, that you were Someone Special.  The second time I met you the feelings grew stronger and more Detailed.

Someone special is the name I have for you because of the way you
Laugh and the way you smile.  The way you treat everyone around you and The way you respect everyone you meet.

The third time I met you I fell in love with someone special and that
Person is you.  You are the one I love and there will never bee anyone that makes me feel the way that you do and there will never be anyone who Can replace the love I feel and will always feel for you.

Someone special is the name I have for you because of the way you
Laugh and the way you smile.  The way you treat everyone around you and The way you respect everyone you meet.

As I wrote this song I was thinking of the one person in this world that Made me feel that I was wanted and needed and that I will always love that Person with all my heart and all my soul and that person is you

Written by
Michael Matthews

Slitting wrist
Feel the life drain away
No more sickness
No more pain
No depression or obsession
Feeling tired now
Body must sleep
Mind going blank
Sleep, sleep
No more time
Time to sleep the final sleep

Written by
Michael Matthews

Looking in your eyes
Seeing a glimpse of our lives
Together we are strong
With each other we belong
Weathering the good and the bad
Raising the child you had
Loving her like she was my own
Trying hard to make her fill like she belongs
Together we will survive
Sharing together our whole lives
Just remember that I love you
Just love me too.

Written by
Michael Matthews

My oldest moved out today
I hope and pray that she will be ok
My heart aches and swells with pride
Today we may have cried
But tomorrow she will be on her own
A year ago who would known
The wonderful woman she has become
So far from the girl she was when she was young
Any man that wants to take her for his bride
Better treat her right and bide his time
For if he hits or abuses her
My wrath he will incur
I love you with all my heart
And with that we will never be apart.

Written by
Michael Matthews

Hiding in the shadows
Teeth all a gleam.
Waiting on my prey.
Footsteps!!
They Approach from the street.
Muscles tense!!
Mouth starts to drool.
Can taste the blood even before I see my victim.
I see her now
Young woman in her 20's
Closer she comes not knowing of her doom.
I prepare to strike
Mouth opens, teeth catch the light
She sees me and starts to scream.
Before she even blinks my mouth is upon her throat.
I drink her blood till I am full.
I leave her for dead on the ally side.
Go back to my shadows to wait my next victim.
Cause I am and Demon of Umbra!

Written by
Michael Matthews

I have no choice
I must leave
To be with god
I look down from above
I will watch you my children
Make sure you chase your dreams
I have no choice
I have to go
My body is tired
But my soul will fly

Written by
Michael Matthews

Living everyday in pain
Unable to walk or play
Trouble sleeping everyday
Muscles twitching or jerking
Body when sitting still shaking
I hide this pain or lie
Will take this time to say goodbye
I guess I'm just destined to die

Written by
Michael Matthews

Getting no answers or suggestions
Living day to day
Following rules we have to obey
Confusing lust for love
Looking for answers from above
Hate and evil getting stronger
Not sure the battle will last much longer
Depression and sadness rule most lives
Withdrawing, and running for a place to hide.
Restless nights sitting up afraid
No one fighting for right to be brave.
Nightmares rule a person sleep.
A newborns turn to weep
Thoughts of suicide blind the weak
Standing on bridges debating the leap
Going through life asking questions
Getting no answers or suggestions

Written by
TokenBad

On the day I heard you had past
I thought this had happened to fast
You was taken way to young
Your life had only truely begun
I thought I was not going to survive
All I did was break down and cry
My heart was breaking
I couldn't stop shaking
All I could think is how empty my life would be
Without this wonderful beauty
On the day I heard you had past
I thought this had happened to fast
On the day I lost you.

Written by
Michael Matthews

Life will soon loosen its grip on this body I fear
Sadly I do not know exactly what year
This body is getting tired, enduring so much pain
Only when my soul goes to heaven will my body be whole again
The father will call me soon, of this I am sure
I will be free of pain, this the father will ensure
To all my family and friends I leave these words
Help your family and friends, show them your love
Every day tilt your heads upward
Send your prayers to the father above
And know that I am looking down
Seeing my kids, my family, and my friends making me so proud
I love you all and someday we will see each other again
In heaven where all our life began

Written by
Michael Matthews

Nightmares swell up in the mind
Driving me insane.
I take a long walk over to the towers
Climbing, Hand over Hand I reach the top
I pull my weapon from its case
The unsuspecting victims await
Their death in my hands
Totally unaware
Shots ring out as they begin to fall
bang..Bang..BANG
Looking with sick satisfaction at the horror.
Laughing, smiling from the towers
A leap of faith to seal it all
One more death is now my call.

Written by
Michael Matthews

Children playing
Have you seen my dog?
Will you show me where?
Come on in..Point the way..
Lock the doors, cover their mouth
Smile that satanic smile
Home you go
Into the room they go
Torture in your voice
Pain in your eyes
Morning comes showing,
Quiet white house
White picked fence
Hiding the horror
From the night before
Hiding the death
Of an innocent child

Written by
Michael Matthews

Am I going crazy,
All my life a little hazy?
Am I going insane,
How can I avoid the endless pain?
My world is falling apart,
How can I heal this bleeding heart?
My nights are full of sorrow,
Will I leave this world tomorrow?
My days are full of sunshine,
But how can I ease my troubled mind?
Will I find love,
Or will it fall from above?
Questions fill my mind,
But answers I can not find.
Can I find the path,
To lead me from my troubled past?
With all the Questions that I ask,
How long will I last?

Written by
Michael Matthews

I close my eyes
I see my death
I say my goodbyes
As I take my last breath
Friends weep
Family are rocked
My pain had gotten deep
My soul is unlocked
Going to see my true father
The father of us all

Written by
Michael Matthews

I want to leave this world tomorrow
I leave this world without a single sorrow
I have taught my kids how to respect everyone
Tomorrow my body's healing will have begun
This terrible pain I deal with everyday
Will finally begin to fade
I will be able to walk without the pain
Be able to sleep again
Do not shed a tear for me
For tomorrow I will be free

Michael Matthews

You gave me and my sister love
When we most needed it
From that love we learned to live
We learned to give and love
I learned to be better than I thought I could be
I broke the cycle of abuse
Both mental and physical
For all the things you have done
And all the things you still do
These are the reasons I am very proud
To call you MOM

Written by
Michael Matthews

Gun to my head
All feelings are dead
Starting to pull the trigger
Feeling of being to eager
Wanting to die
A poem to say goodbye
Letting you feel my hatred
Seeing how I have always bled
Sadness creeping in
My world about to end
BOOM!!!
Going to my doom..

Written By
Michael Matthews

I have lived my life hiding
Hiding my feelings deep inside
So insecure of showing my feelings
You came along and walked by my side
Brought out those feelings from my heart
Could you be who I was looking for
Had me loving you from the start
To this day you had me loving like never before
Giving you my everything
I treated you like a queen
And I became your king
Nothing could come between
Our love have made us one
Never to be apart
Together forever under the sun
Never again will we hurt

Written by
Michael Matthews