I infuse the herbs in the boiling water
While Chopin caresses my skin
Anna besides me, mourn for her prison altar
In a frozen and beautiful cage, full of sins

I see mine far in the middle of my tropical land
Completely surrounded by misunderstand
How dare they hold the most beautiful birds
In a cage that floats in the sea of nonsense?

The burn of the past is in the pain of my fingers
as the clouds of tomorrow loom overhead.
The fear of today should have died, but it lingers
and the key to control is in the purr of a cat.

It asks: “What's that sorrow that you speak of so fondly
and profoundly you cling to in the depth of the night?”
And you cringe and you crouch and you cry so resoundly
that the stars' tumbled tears fill with wisdom and fright.

“Even spiders have hearts that are deemed non-existent,”
says the cat who's own heart has never known cold.
The traces of truth in its words are insistant,
so you crumble and crawl to turn heedless things gold.

When I asked you what your name was
You replied and said, “It’s Love”
Then I asked you what your song is
You then sang the song of a dove
Please chirp to me your fancy
Make me rock to your lullaby
Flap with wings that dance free
So we can sing that Love does fly.

I spring awake at four a.m.
Inscitvely clutching my phone to check on this kid’s petition
“End the G.S.A.”
The stress eats away at my sleep schedule
As kids use one misunderstanding to take away my heart and soul
A club I have inputted so much of myself into
And funny enough “Vic” has three letters too
I can’t sleep without their 300 signatures popping up behind my eyelids
Comments being recited in the most repressed part of my insecurities
300 people who are against one of the clubs that saved me
Saved my friends
Saved so many people
But there’s no room for a gay presence in Johnson County
I spring awake at four a.m.
Visions of the kid who keeps his gun in his car spring into my head
My chest feels open already
Have already bled out every ounce of pride in me
What more harm can this kid do?
Don’t they understand that by killing my spirit
They’ve already made storage container for their bullets?
I spring awake at four a.m.
Because I do not let myself feel any other time
Must stay strong to show that I am bigger than their hatred
That I will go on
So I refuse to let myself accept that ever-consuming fear that grows in my stomach
It’s just indigestion
Just me being another overdramatic queer kid
Just everyday life that I must adjust to anyways
I haven’t let myself feel since the incident occurred
And the reactions poured in
Drowning any sense of safety I used to feel
I am choking on their unadulterated bigotry
Gasping for air amongst the abundance of hatred
And I’m not sure if I’ll ever breathe right again
I spring awake at 4 a.m.
Because I guess it’s the only time I feel safe anymore.
School is a warzone for people like me
And I can't hide in the crowd so easily
When it's 1v300
So I'm desperately trying to hide behind my poetry
I spring awake at 4 a.m.
Because I don't know if my coping is working.

It’s nice to know you’re still reading my poems,
even if you can’t look me in the face.

I don’t wish on eye lashes
Or search the sky’s for shooting stars
I went out into the world and came back whole

When I met you I realized I had been missing a piece inside me but
I found it before I laid eyes on you

It had just been buried under a lifetime
Stored and hidden from trolls and monsters
Kept safe by a younger me who had no where to run so she hid our heart

I don’t make wishes
And I don’t need to wish with you

I found my fairytale ending on my own
I gave myself the gift of love and woke
And now you are here
And very welcome to join me
On my new adventure
A thing called real life

So integral, this feeling
I can't make myself ignore it

The waves seep chill from off the wind
My thoughts, caught up in the current

I found the beauty in the lake
If only for a moment.

I ignored it for so long
But it's mine, just for a second

The calming wind over the lake
Caught in the skin of this horrid face

Scared and truly alone.

If I could only drift away...