Needing people - a useless construct of a greeting card society
Want
Enjoy
Love even
But at the end of the day you will be alone to celebrate your victory’s
To heal from your wounds
To learn from your missteps
Don’t devalue your worth with “Need”
Don’t try and fill that gaping ache with another’s
Find your own balm
Then head held high
Kick that door open and live
Wholly you
Let others tag along if you feel like it, who knows could be fun

There once was a little girl
Fair skin
Dark eyes
Long locks the color of maple branches

She lived in a caravan
Travelers
Blood but never family
Day after day they went
Forgetting her places
Blaming her for their lack of success
Outcast
Not like them
Cramped and sore from the constant instability

On went the years
On she went
Growing
Excelling
Never enough
Never seen

Long limbed and lean
Hair worn high and proud
She was learning to leave them behind
Their words thickening her skin
Becoming armor
A beautiful girl with a sharp tongue and wicked right hook
Intelligence and a subtle grace that she rarely let others see
Indifference and strength far more valuable assets to exhibit
She grew into what she needed to be
Showed what she needed to show

Until the day finally came
Leaving to start her own story
Standing in the sun
Gazing at the world around her

The pains had grown unbearable
Her back and neck needing to crack

In frustration she twisted
Putting all her years into it
Putting the disappointment and the determination
The pain and her perseverance
And she twisted

With a sound that rumbled through the earth
And shook the very stones at her feet
A moment of release felt through every inch of her

Breathing out a breath that she hadn’t know she had been holding her whole life
A shadow on the ground growing
She raised her eyes to the sky with reverence
Huge beautiful scaled wings now gracing the world around her
Her shoulder blades adorned
After years of carrying around the judgement of the ones closest to her
The weight of her new wings felt like nothing

Now she was truly free
Painless
Her own
And ready for everything

You raised an army to stand with you

Never realizing kindness

...All You had to give...

Could bind so

Soaked with rain
Her lashes flicking open past the droplets
Huge and ready for everything

A hurricane heart will always love the storm

The calm is what really scares her

Smiling warmly she sets her pain before them
Would you like to listen to a story friend
It’s not a pleasant listen

You may look at me different when I’m done

Buts it’s mine to give
And that means all the world

What will it be tonight?

Will a thread of my experience stitch a wound left open in you

Could a tonic of my past tears ease a little of your loneliness

I could dole out a few milligrams of misconceptions splashed over me like pigs blood to help ease your discomfort in your own skin

Give me a meter of your damage and I will find just the right size admission to cover you with

I could tell you you’re cared for
That you’re not alone
But sometimes a passed memory in an open palm given freely will mean more to you in the end

So step right up my dears
I’m open for business when you are just about to shut down

I am a vault
A Fort Knox of a life that really only matters to me
I am impenetrable
My own
I can weather any storm
Any assault

Letting someone in however...
Hard: Nope, not enough
Terrifying: Yes, and then some
Nearly impossible: Getting warmer baby

But I’m cracking open doors for you
And the shuddering down the halls has not stopped in days

Every combination I give you
Gives me tunnel visions of panic
And the clanging inside my head sounds like an alarm from another time
Not meant for you
But none the less going off
Calling the guards

Even - as I open the boxes
Unfold the velvet covers
And lay my truths before you like treasures

Especially - then I’m afraid

Afraid it will all rust and turn to dust when the air hits it
Turn to dust in the air of the open door you leave behind you

A breach it would take me forever to shore up again

City nights
The breeze lifts my hair as I turn
Much longer now than it was before
Another night is following

The pounding beat of the club ahead beckoning
But I can feel the other nights in step behind
It will be the same but different

And before goes...

Stage lights flash off of studs and piercings
Leather and cigarettes permeate the air
Thick on your tongue
Mouth like an ash tray even when you haven’t taken a drag
The floor up ahead is alive
The heart of the room onstage
Throw everything aside
Dive into the middle of a mass of limbs
Thrashing and dancing to a jack knife of a voice
Losing yourself and finding it again
When you fall they will pick you up
When you crash it doesn’t hurt
When you’re there you’re free

...Turning and smiling into those nights one more time

A wink and a step into a new space
A new beat
A new freedom awaiting

And dive in