Torn.
Like a piece of paper.
No it's a lot deeper than that.
I feel more than just torn. It's a feeling of emptiness. It's longing.

Longing for the past, to relive the memories. To re-experience the good times with all those people in my mind. Because I miss so many friends and family but they're scattered everywhere and I'm in one place. Actually, I'm moving all the time and can't seem to find the time to slow down and stop by.

When I leave I leave so much behind
Not only you but the essence
Of this place I wish to call home

Sweet coffee
Steps
Pizza above the theatre
Park behind the theatre
Arcades
You
Him
Her
All of you

Today.
I will stop being foolish.
I finally want to open my eyes.
Im tired of forcing myself to be brainless,
Tired of feeding myself these bitter tasting lies.
Maybe one day I will mean the world to you. Or mean enough for you to stay here with me...
But today, I'm drying these eyes of mine.
And removing my heart from my sleeve.
I'm going to pick up and leave.
And begin loving me.
I'm not broken

sometimes i feel as though
my mind was set
to self destruct,
and i just cant seem
to find the switch
to make it stop.
maybe that's because
it's buried beneath
the very thoughts
that set it off.

We never took pictures together
because you don't like how big your eyes are
I would drown in them for you
but you would be too busy
watching the sunrise to notice.
You have glasses because you're blind
But they aren't the right prescription
because you still don't see your beauty.

I remember the night you had me drive
two hours away from the city lights
just so you could point out
all the constellations you memorized
when you were younger.
I let you go on and on about stars,
waiting for you to mention the way
you outshine all of them
But you kissed me instead
and I think that was even better.

Even when Summer faded out,
you would always smell like sunshine.
I wanted to live forever in the daydream
of you and me walking along the shoreline.
Your laughter was synonymous
with sunflowers
and how everytime you caught sight of them
you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

But that should have been my warning sign
because Russia's official flower is the Sunflower
and ever since you left
I've traded water for *****
and this winter has been unusually rainy
but it's still too bright for me to go outside.

I am with facebook 24/7, my grandma a day or two a month.
I get likes on facebook, while she gives me love.
I get to know what my friends are doing all the time, while my grandma tells me about het 80 years on this planet.
Facebook lets me travel through the world, from Ghana to Paris. My grandmother takes me to her kitchen for a nice cup of coffee.

*I wish I could spend time with her everyday instead of facebook

When I was two
I was told
What to do.
When to sleep,
When to eat,
Sometimes
When to pooh.
That's okay,
In fact, it's cool,
I was two,
Not yet in school.
I can't dismiss
That life of bliss.

When I turned six
I started school;
For sixteen years
I followed rules.
I got Qualified,
I got Certified,
I got Bone Fide,
I shoulda been Beatified.
I did what I was told.
I was sold.

I enjoyed
Middle-class life,
Rising early,
Then late at night.
Worked for the man
As best I can;
Reaped rewards,
Came out unscarred
Because I was
A rules vanguard.

I'm older now,
There's no rules,
So don't tell me
What to do.
But, there's one thing
I'll tell you.

Success isn't measured
In cars and homes
(there's some success in chromosomes),
Just follow rules
To your advantage;
You're not weak,
It shows your courage.
Secure the best
For your life's voyage.

Now,
That I'm sixty-two,
Say what you want,
I'm deaf to you.

I cannot make this work without your help.
it's a whole lot like a school project; I'm the straight a valedictorian 4.0 and you're the sports star only in school so you can wear a jersey I am not a jersey to be worn.
when the project takes a turn towards sports you're interested but I do everyone else and I picked you as my partner after seeing what you can do I bring up the project you pale away you ignore me.
I cannot make this work without help and it hurts me that I can't have you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.