i'm so ******* sick
of always being the one
to ask the questions.
why won't anyone
just ******* ask me
what makes me happy?
why won't anyone
just ******* ask me
how i'm actually doing?
why won't anyone
just ******* ask me
how much it hurts
to hear nothing but
doubt when you
ask yourself if
you matter enough
to keep going.

i've always
been okay
with being ordinary
but now i'm starting
to find holes
where happiness
should be

when the sun sets
and everything turns
to silhouettes,
i know that darkness
falls close behind.

i'll never
fit in,
and i'll never
stand out.
all i'll ever do
is exist,
and i just
don't know
if that's enough
anymore.

this winter is a
rough one,
ice cold isolation
echoes inside
my body through
mazes of bones,
like loneliness
flooding through
city streets.
i can hear these
icicles begin
to shiver,
begging for me to
bring them inside,
but i think that
i'd rather just
stay out here.
this cold is
all that i have
ever known,
and the only way
that i know how
to live.

it hurts so much
to see someone
you love fall
out of your life,
but it hurts even
more to know
that you're
the one who
pushed them.

i'm losing it again.
everything that
i worked for,
everything that
i tried so hard
to keep close,
i can feel
it all slipping
from my fingers
and i just can't
seem to get a grip.
everything is
moving too quickly
and i'm losing control,
because reality has
started to distort
and thoughts
are beginning
to take over.