How does it look
When neither of us is happy
When the air is heavy
Toxic with anger
Yet we love each other
Nights looking like a sleep over
Rather than a loving home
How does it look
When we don't talk
Yet leave in the same car
No eye contact
Yet we love each other
I can't tell you how it looks
Im on the inside
Not the outside looking in
But i can tell you
Exactly how it feels

What happens when
You become the center of my world
My world changing
To include you in it
In it for the long run
Not sure why I want you
Want you to adore me
About as much as I do you
Do you think we'd be happy
Like I see it in my head
My head flashing your image
Am I in your head
Your head sealing my heart away
I wish to seal a part of you
Of you and your mental
Drives me crazy
Me crazy to think of happiness
Whatever happiness you bring me
Bring me home
Let me show you my soul
My soul begs for this weird connection
We seem to possess

Look at you,
All happy.
The reason?
Easy,
Not me.

As much as I enjoy
Your smile
I see I can't make it
Nor be the reason
For it's appearance.

I'll stop forcing it,
Once all I saw was smiles.
Now I only see a blank stare,
As if I drain all happiness,
From you?
No let's not think that
But
It's what my mind says,
Could it be true.

The once look of
Happiness
Joy
Smiles
The warm feeling of
Spring and Summer

Now the feeling of
Uncomfortability
Discontent
Nothing
The cold feeling of
Winter

Well where is
Autumn
That's the feeling I want
The one I seek
The one that seems
It will never
Manifest

Take your own advice
Don't just give it to others
See if it works
Live without regrets
That's mine
I should take it to
Never live thinking
What if
That's always been my fear
That the what if's
Are the suppose to be's
Life can only tell you no
Then you can go on
Maybe I should
Live life to the fullest
Get rid of the what if's
And go with what I feel
Someone recently convinced me
Listen to yourself
Because you listeb to your gut
And follow your own path
That leads to your own happiness
So I'll start with my motto
And stop having "what if's"
Because some what if's
Are should haves

You knew, you knew,
That I've been waiting on you
Because you are stuck
In my head
Just there
I've told you how I felt
I just want you to say yes
Test the waters
I wish to help you
Overcome what you have feared
Commit to a possible happiness
That's what I'm doing
I want to be happy
And you appear to be my solution
But am I yours
I don't want you to feel pressured
Because let's be real
I don't deserve you
But I want to try
And see if I can
Get myself to feel good enough
To be with you
But until then I'll be
Waiting on you

Look away
Tell yourself what you want
That it isn't what you think
The lies we tell
To make yourself feel better
To turn yourself away
If there's anything you think
The lies we tell
If there's a will
You will find a way
Or so
The lies we tell
What is the last thought
Before you are true
To yourself
Or is that just
The lies we tell

I have these moments
Of Sorrow, Hatred, Pain
For myself
But i also have
Love, Admiration, Breath-taking
Moments for others
How can I feel myself
What I do others
Sometimes it does happen
And I treasure those
Sometimes a total switch
But it soon goes back
For I'd rather hate myself
And dump my love on another.

Why do I do this?
These thoughts,
In my head,
Scream cursed words of
Disappointment,
Unfulfillment,
Sorrow,
Hope.

How am I to ignore
The words that
These thoughts are telling me?

You can't make someone happy...
No one can fall for you...
You're just a middle man...
Easily forgettable...
A placeholder...
Uninteresting,
Little to no importance,
With no room to grow...
They're better off without you...
Be honest, who would?

All the smiles I wish to have,
Feels like it's unattainable,
Something only for a wish,
The luckiest thing for,
The unluckiest person.

Who am I kidding?
I already know,
These thoughts are louder.
Drowning out my thoughts of
Sanity,
Happiness,
Love.

I don't deserve you
I don't see how I would
There's many things you do
That I couldn't begin to repay
Like
The smile you force upon me
I couldn't give you one half as big
The full feeling you give me
I'd only be a false half
The way you supercharge my heart
Yours probably slows down
I want to be in your embrace
You probably withdraw from the thought
Your laugh giving me such joy
Mine scratching your ears
I want to hold your hands
Your hands get uncomfortable at the idea
Thinking of us together a dream
You think of it as a nightmare
You make me feel less than a failure
I'm just another person
I love seeing your texts
You probably could care less
You make everything feel amazing
I'm probably a sour taste to you
I don't deserve a relationship with you
You're to good for me

Am I going,
Insane?
No I cant be,
That's quite impossible,
There's no way,
None whatsoever,
Why would I be,
Going mad?

Could it be that,
I'm starting to crave things,
Like your touch,
Upon my skin,
Your voice inside my head,
Your lips hugging mine,
But all these things,
Why?
What's making it all,
Irresistible?

Is it maybe?
That it's been,
So very long since,
Romance and I have been,
Locked in a room together,
Seven minutes of heaven,
At the very least,
Of course I crave,
The whole night.
Oh no,
Have I found it,
The reason why,
I've been craving it all.

Where are you hiding,
Why must you hide,
I thought we were,
Well we were,
Close,
Obviously not now,
Well now I know that,
Until we agree,
Romance will continue to,
Drive me mad.

I wish I could see you,
You think I'm joking but,
I wish I was...
So now I have to wonder,
What is it
That I miss?