awhile back i met a girl
a girl with a mouth all cut up
from speaking too many broken promises.
i guess i can hardly blame her,
i could see how the earthquakes
in her eyes wracked her mind.
her lips were painted crimson
from cuts on the inside of her cheeks
and she could hardly speak past
the mouthful of lies she spit
at her doctors, her parents
her sister, her brother, her best friend
"i'm okay, you see," she whispered
blood dripping past pearly whites
draped in a pained smile.
"i'm doing much better."
her words were sharp like
shattered glass and squirmed their way
past tightened lips and onto her sleeve
as she whispered to me
"we all ******* die eventually. everything just ******* dies."
awhile back,
i saw a girl in the mirror with mouth full of scars.

i can't even explain
how much i just
love being a
disappointment

(i hate making decisions
because whatever i
choose i will experience
extreme guilt and regret)

how much i love standing
in the kitchen at seven a.m.
being told i'm going back
to therapy until i'm fixed

repairing a car that
keeps on breaking down
is not cost effective
and is very frustrating

(you get mad when i don't
say what i'm really thinking
but when i say what i'm
thinking nobody listens)

i just love staying up
all night and not
breathing for a week
and never going outside

(avoiding churches
certain music
riding in cars
parking garages
elevators
crowded places)

being surrounded
and told that i just
have to face my fear
because i am

i do it every morning
when i wake up and
remember that
i'm still alive.

1, The princess never has to do anything for herself
2, The princess isn't allowed to do anything for herself
3, The princess must do exactly as is said by everyone else

Strike the first from the list- this is the real world, no time for fantasy
The other two work out, the second especially now that

Time is splitting away! This down the rabbit hole, this through the looking glass, until
all that's left is a shame, there's no time at all for the princess

Lock your lips, breathe in, breathe out.
How do you keep choosing and choosing to do the right thing
when time and again
everyone else pushes poisoned apples and sharp spindles down your throat?

Take your orders, little marionette, dance away your nights and days
Tatter your shoes, dear princess, step by weary step in this dazzling cage
And pray that when the music stops
someone will notice that you have started to fade.

I'm sitting here trying to put my thoughts into words.
Trying to take my mind and type it up
Everytime I start writing I delete it
Like my head
Whenever I start to think
I press delete
Delete my mind
Delete my soul
Delete me
I'm empty now
All this erasing has me hollow
An old dead tree
Looks strong on the outside
Empty on the inside
Just cut me down
Please cut me down
I don't want to be here
Death isn't beautiful, but neither is living.
I just want this bullet to press the delete button in my brain.
I wish I never existed.

He asked me what bothered me at night?
I told him I was haunted by nightmares.
He held me in his arms and said "It'll be alright,
I am here to make them all disappear."



*Last night I had a nightmare again
And your face was all I saw darling.