i can't even explain
how much i just
love being a
disappointment

(i hate making decisions
because whatever i
choose i will experience
extreme guilt and regret)

how much i love standing
in the kitchen at seven a.m.
being told i'm going back
to therapy until i'm fixed

repairing a car that
keeps on breaking down
is not cost effective
and is very frustrating

(you get mad when i don't
say what i'm really thinking
but when i say what i'm
thinking nobody listens)

i just love staying up
all night and not
breathing for a week
and never going outside

(avoiding churches
certain music
riding in cars
parking garages
elevators
crowded places)

being surrounded
and told that i just
have to face my fear
because i am

i do it every morning
when i wake up and
remember that
i'm still alive.