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Aug 2016 · 509
And just like that
Speen Cough Aug 2016
My heart aches.
Something I've wanted for so long
Spent endless nights dreaming about.
Then it finally started to happen
And just like that,
The dream is crushed.
And I lay here in bed,
In the middle of the day...
Hoping that maybe I'll be ok
TK
Aug 2016 · 913
My Every Waking Moment
Speen Cough Aug 2016
My every waking moment has turned to you.
You've brought something back into my life that I wasn't expecting.
Those sudden moments where my breath gets taken away by the very thought of your smile.
I'm encaptured in this gaze where all I see is you.

You're in everything I do now.
Every thought. Every Action.

And it feels so right.
The prayers answered long ago,
now coming to pass and shaping my future.

I hope that you feel this in yourself.
That you might love me half as much as I love you.
TK
Jul 2016 · 236
Did you know?
Speen Cough Jul 2016
Did you know that you made me the happiest person alive?
Did you know that you made me feel again in way I thought I'd lost?
Did you know that you were my show today?
That your beauty held my every gaze on you?
Did you know that when you grabbed my hand I felt calm?
Did you know that when you kissed me, it felt natural?
Did you know that I love you and now I want nothing more than for this to grow?
TK
Speen Cough Jul 2016
When I awake it will just be hours before
And here I am lying awake
Not even thinking about where we're going
Just that you'll be there.

I wonder if you're doing the same thing?
If these thoughts are mutual in the slightest?
I would slip into eternity if they were
Clinging to this feeling right now
TK
Jul 2016 · 1.0k
Head Over Heels
Speen Cough Jul 2016
I'm head over heels
Falling deeper with every passing moment
I can't wait for the next touch
the 3 year separation that has kept us apart

I can't wait for you to notice
if you already haven't
the way I look at you
the way you take my breath away
and how I want nothing more than to be with you

Thank you
for giving this back to me
TK
Jul 2016 · 532
The Moments In Between
Speen Cough Jul 2016
I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
If you think of me between the long pauses?
Am I as much to you as you are to me,
Or am I alone in this endeavor?

I Think of you.
I pray for you.
You're who I'm chasing.

Do you see it?
Am I showing?

It drives me crazy
But in a good way.
Just thinking of you...
and the peace I find.

And in those moments in between,
That's what I live and die for.
Hoping you feel the same
T.K.
Nov 2015 · 444
Untitled
Speen Cough Nov 2015
So there's this girl...
And for the first time in my life
I feel safe.

I've been able to open my heart
To look at her and know that I'm truly not alone.

And I can't help but smile
when I tell her I love her
She says eww.
We're super gross and it's great.

I hope one day to make her mine.
But it will have to wait.
We both must wait patiently.
20 months.

It will all be worth it though.
When I see her smile.
and we share that special bliss.
Speen Cough Oct 2015
two birds with a broken wing
so they try to sing
try and make it ring but they

can't fly
no matter what they try
seems they're gonna cry
so they say goodbye

to the world they love
fit in like a glove
with a little shove
somehwat like a dove

that is lost and found
but not safe and sound
cause it's on the ground
searching all around

For it's love that's gone far away
cause she chose to stay
and not to betray all those

people who had brought her here
filled with so much fear
as it would apear from the

face so cold
tryin to fit the mold
all while being bold
and then grab ahold of whats

left as she packs her comb
and then starts to roam
and she's leaving home
Oct 2015 · 955
I'm actually really hurt
Speen Cough Oct 2015
I now know how you felt
when I didn't tell you
so I'm just going to go now
have fun
Speen Cough Sep 2015
So we were on the phone
and the strangest feeling was there
and what was strange about it was
There wasn't any.

And I hung up and I just thought about it.
How I've gone all this time
and It finally happened.
I wasn't thinking about us,
not even oncw.

And in a way I'm happy.
I can finally move on with this grand journey called life.
But in another way, I'll always be sad.
Because you won't be in it the same way.
It'll just be those phone calls that are a little awkward cause I don't know how to respond anymore.
Conversations that have a sort of empty feeling to them.

That makes me sad.
Cause I've lost that spark with you.
I'm sorry. This is all forgien to me and I just have to adjust I guess
Sep 2015 · 241
Where are you?
Speen Cough Sep 2015
I just want to know where you are
cause I'm sitting here without a clue
I'm at a place of peace
and yet chaos ensues
I need you in my life more than you know
but lately it seems like I'm nothing
and that hurts

Wherever you are though
I hope it has peace and joy like I too have found
A place where, although it's sad and bitter,
it's somewhere that I know is safe
and it's somewhere where I can stay and not be afraid of the pain
not be afraid of waking up
not be afraid of anything

Where I'm at
and where you're at
it's two different places
and I begin to wonder





Was this how it was supposed to be all along
Aug 2015 · 567
I saw a sunflower today
Speen Cough Aug 2015
I was at the store today and I saw a bouquet of sunflowers
and I just sat and stared at them
Holding back the tears so people wouldn't see
and just thinking to myself, what the heck is wrong with me

I convince myself I'm over you
I'm deadset on it
and then something small comes along
flowers, the songs I sang, a picture
and I realize I'm so far from over you

I want to be done
I'm done with the pain
The constant reminder that I ******* up
and yet
I don't

because it also reminds me of the happiest times of my life
the time I spent with you
talking
listening
Those were some of the best times
I felt human
I felt

I kinda just go through life now
and it's ok I guess
but it's just not the same
It's boring and dull
The same thing day after day

I'm sorry.
I know you don't want to hear this
but I just need to get it out
cause if I don't then it just builds up more and I end up worse than before
and we'll probably just get farther apart again
which is probably for the best I guess

So yeah
When you read this. just know that I'm still sorry. and I always will be.
Aug 2015 · 579
Warpaint (wip lyrics)
Speen Cough Aug 2015
I suit up
I got my war paint on
forward into battle
forwar forward into battle saying
Fire, fire, fire, Fire away
hear the battlecry
hear and sing it like
oohohohohhhoooooh
Aug 2015 · 327
Distance
Speen Cough Aug 2015
I'm growing more distant
each and everyday
and yes, it *****
but it was gonna happen anyway

It hurts real bad to be honest
but I'd rather hurt than feel nothing

I've been giving you space
cause Heaven knows I've choked you
It's not helping much
but again
it was bound to happen

So this distance that I'm feeling now
it probably won't go away
but that's okay
I'll just move on
and probably build the gap
Jul 2015 · 480
Weird
Speen Cough Jul 2015
I'm at a weird point in my life
Nothings bad
but nothings good either
I'm not dreaming anything
I sleep just to sleep
I don't have anything to look forward to in the next day
I'm just living
breathing
being
I kinda feel numb
emotionless
No sadness
but no joy either
No hate
but no love
I'm doing great
life is honestly really good
I just feel
weird.

A switch finally clicked I guess
I'm not in love anymore
but when that emotion turned off
I guess the rest of them turned off too

Why am I so weird
This is how things are now I guess
Jul 2015 · 756
You Taught Me How to Count
Speen Cough Jul 2015
I can count to ten now
wanna see?
1 precious daughter from above
2 eyes that catch my gaze
3 handwritten letters I read most every day
4ever sounds kinda nice
5 hours total we've spent together
6 strings on the guitar I play for you
7 surgeries I waited to hear if you were ok
8 at night till 6 in the morning
9 simple songs I wrote about you
10 hour long phone calls
But you taught me more than math
You taught about love
I know it's cheesy, but I guess it's how  feel
Jul 2015 · 370
Heartbreak Highway (Lyrics)
Speen Cough Jul 2015
Come with me and take a ride through my own mind
something sinical working inside always makes me cry
for you this all seems to be far too easy but in the real life it's not laughing joke
I sit in my room all night and try hard not to choke
Pressure is building and lights burning low
what the heck is this smoke? I'm not average folks
I'm no run of the mill so lets head to the hill
Watch the cars rushing by always tryin to get somewhere
long winding roads that never lead anywhere
Plagued with these memories and spider web nightmares
I claw at my mind and I try to pick it out
but this is just the first act of this 3 act play
stick around and maybe you'll find the sun ray
I worked really hard, spent long days in dismay
it's all about life and it's called heartbreak highway

I tried pictureing myself without you
but it always came out wrong
What a curious way to show devotion
to someone you'll never have
when lights go dim and curtains call
we'll wish that we could have it all
but heartbreak highways in the way
and it'll never go away

I talk about lighthouses you might wonder why
they represent hope through the dark gloomy sky
that's something you gave me but you take it away
every time you say something about that one night
lets skip to the end cause act two's really dismal
it's running away because of disaproval
The soul leaves the body but comes back  to find
the pain of the world and my demons at arms
act 3's resolution and you who you are
there's a sparkle of hope and you've traveled so far
the end seems so happy if you want it that way
you merge to the right and get off hearbreak highway
you finally move on and your victory throng
it's all taken place in the span of this song
we've worked really hard, not much left in dismay
and this is the close of heartbreak highway
Jul 2015 · 692
Isn't Life Grand?
Speen Cough Jul 2015
I mean think about it!
We're all alive
We're breathing
And it's great!

Yeah, bad things happen
but without them
We wouldn't know pure joy

I'm getting off my lowest low
and I'm headed straight for my highest high
and Good Golly it's great!

Isn't life just grand?
Like wow!
This is incredible!
Thanks for helping me get back here
Jul 2015 · 523
Where did the old me go
Speen Cough Jul 2015
I'm sitting here and I'm about to cry
Why?
Who the heck knows.

I'm sad today
for no particular reason
I'm just sad

I don't like being sad
I get that we have to be sometimes
but that doesn't mean I like it.

Am  I depressed?
I don't think I am.
I hope I'm not.

But it wouldn't surprise me.

All this stuff that's been happening lately
What's one more thing to mess up my brain?
I'll just add it to the list and keep moving I guess

I'm just gonna fake a smile until it's real again.

That's normal right?
Jul 2015 · 706
I ponder On the Rain
Speen Cough Jul 2015
I lay in bed
listening to rain
I try to breathe
but the air isn't there.

I lay in bed
and I ponder on the rain
what it means
and how it feels

I remember God then.
The people He sent me
who taught me the beauty of rain and helped me see the renewal

I lay in bed
listening to the rain
begining to breathe again
giving thanks for sending away this pain
Thank you for showing me the beauty of rain. I hated it before I met you
Jul 2015 · 477
What If?
Speen Cough Jul 2015
What if?
two words that change everything.
They hold your potential glory
or your potential death

What if the sun just didn't rise tomorrow?
What if the world just ended right now?
What if your hands were in mine?
What if I wasn't where I'm at now?

Those two little words.
So much hope
yet so much pain

Stick and stones they say
But I think words hurt worse.
They leave lasting scars
They leave me feeling like I'm nothing

But then again
They are what make me whole
They are what make me feel like I can do anything

So what if I just don't care anymore?
What if I care too much anymore?
There's no way to tell.
but I'll just leave it at
What if?
Jun 2015 · 744
Why Was I Ever Worried?
Speen Cough Jun 2015
I get the panic
the pain
of losing someone you love

but why was I ever worried
that I would never hear your voice?

Why was I ever worried
that I would never get to see
all the good you're going to do
and all the good I'm going to be

Why was I ever worried
that I would have to do this alone?

I always knew that I had Christ,
But I needed a real life friend.

Why was I ever worried?
I'll tell you quite frankly why.

It's because I was scared of losing you again.
I'm glad to have you back my friend
Jun 2015 · 340
When will it end?
Speen Cough Jun 2015
When will it end?
The constant sad of missing you
I've ruined something beautiful
I've lost my best friend

When will it end?
The pain of knowing
That there is always more I could have done
That I'll never have that possibility again

When will it end?
This lump in my throat
Stopping me from letting go
Stopping me from playing the last chord

When will it end?
I don't think it will
and honestly










I don't want it to.
May 2015 · 603
I Don't Want to be Famous
Speen Cough May 2015
I could never be famous
There's just too much to it
You go from playing small shows
Only your close friends come
You're lucky if you have 10 people there.
It's personal
It's intimate
The music is between you and those few people
It has meaning
Fame kills the intimacy of music
While you can try to preserve it
It will never be the same
I look at some of the bands that I've watched grow
They start out with so much to gain
I want everyone to hear them
But at the same time
I want them all to myself
I want the music to be about me
For me
And while in some part it still is
It suddenly becomes for the whole world too
I don't want to be famous
I want my dream to come true
But I don't want it to be the way that it is now
The way society takes people and changes them
I want who I am to stay
But in the end
If I really want to make my dream come true
If I really want to take the center stage
I guess it's time to change...
So I just saw someone say "Twenty One Pilots is getting big fast, and it scares me" And it made me think about myself as a musician
May 2015 · 465
Every Rose Has its Thorn
Speen Cough May 2015
Every rose has its thorn
Every child has been born
Every cars got a horn
and Everyone's gotta mourn

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and while I sit here just growing older
I want to be just a bit bolder
all I want to do each day is hold her

I need to stay focused on the future
Not on making some lurker
Not on making a blooper
I just wish it would please come sooner

Will you be in it?
I'll do what the Lord see's fit.
I've found my home run hit
I won't regret one bit

The weight of the world
on my chest as I watch it swirl
makes me spin, makes me twirl
I hope that it won't make me hurl

The pain of the past
it just seems to last
please heal like a cast
please make it come fast

Then again I'm doing this right
I need to make this my last fight
You're helping to make my life bright
I don't want you out of my sight

In the end, it's all up to time
as I sit and make this silly rhyme
I hope you forgive me of my crime
and bring on the peace sublime
May 2015 · 639
My life as a prisoner
Speen Cough May 2015
I wake up feeling regret
It stays until the sun sets
The same story every day
I'm wondering how I still feel sane
The visitors that come try to bring good news
But in my mind they only bring more blues

I'm not confined to four square walls
But all I feel to do is bawl
I see the hurt that's in your eyes
but do you see what in my disguise
I try to smile and try not to lie
but deep inside I've felt things die

I love you dearly
I swear I do
You just don't want
What I pursue
You **** my dreams and say their false
You're making it feel like thick square walls

You watched me grow
Reap what you sow
I'm who I am
I've got a plan
I wish you'd see it
But nothing seems fit
To what you want
So I'll just try not to taunt

I love you mom
I love you dad
Just please understand
That yes, I'm sad
I just want help
but not from you
that's why I wish
I'd never flew
May 2015 · 2.0k
Tear Stained Pillow
Speen Cough May 2015
This pillow case will never be the same
My heart is low and the tears won't stop
No matter what I'll ever do
I've sealed my fate and I lost you
I'm so sorry...
May 2015 · 656
What's Going On
Speen Cough May 2015
My life is weird
Nothing feels right
All that's going on in my head is a war
I sit and smile
But inside I'm screaming
Crying
Pleading

I don't know what's wrong
I want to know
Please
Dear God above
Make this stop

What's going on anymore?
Heck if I knew
Things aren't what they used to be
Can things just go back to normal?

But what is normal?
I don't know if I know what normal is
I don't think this is it though

You keep saying that you're doing what's best
Maybe for you, but not for me
I wish you could just truly see
What's going on inside of me
May 2015 · 485
Coming Home
Speen Cough May 2015
This is all my fault
No one else to blame
I've turned into a vault
And all I hold is shame

It's all for the best
I know what to do
But what about the rest?
Why do I just feel like poo?

I'm grateful for the Lord
I'm grateful for all the support
It's time to pick up the sword
It's time to finally defend the fort
May 2015 · 342
Life Down on the Ground
Speen Cough May 2015
Watching the clouds drip away
Watching our lives fade to grey
When all that's left to do is cry
Please don't let this feeling ever die
No more keeping life down on the ground
Just pick it up and leave without a sound
May 2015 · 306
Make Them Last
Speen Cough May 2015
It started out slow
Seemed like nowhere to go
The long days echo and blow

The days turned to weeks
No more words left to speak
A month gone away with a blink

Then along came a song
Sent to bring to the throng
Home's long gone
Come Along
There's work to do
Yes come along!

The best 2 years
What I'm told all day long
Make the best
No regrets
all is set!

Yes
The best 2 years
Finally here
Moving fast
Oh please help me make them last!
May 2015 · 339
My Mission
Speen Cough May 2015
Miracles unseen before man
Years of preparation coming to past

Mighty in the strength of God
Incoming people who are ready to hear
Sacred in the Lord
Strength beyond what I have
I am a child of God!
One in purpose with our Father above
Newly converted to the gospel of truth
May 2015 · 311
Keeping Time
Speen Cough May 2015
You're the smile when I'm sinking below
You're the beat keeping time as my heart seems to cry
You'r my alibi
my shining sky
my my
why so shy?

Gravity come
oh and winds always blow
but you're always there in my mind helping
fixing
keeping time.

The times getting hard
slowing down
speeding up
can't keep track of what day or hour
please keep my thoughts from running sour
May 2015 · 1.4k
She's No Mona Lisa
Speen Cough May 2015
The Smile worth more than a million words
The Eyes that seem to recite this verse
The Ears that hear no more disrespect
The Nose that crinkles like fresh pantyhose
She's no Mona Lisa, no Marilyn Monroe
She's not Farrah Fawcet, don't need golden globes
She's all I'll ever ask for, and oh so much more
She something spectacular, A daughter of God

— The End —