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Not about going out anymore
Had many friends but it all changed
Once I got sober things changed
Friends faded away some talked about me
That's not a friend that's fake and phony
then used me then disregarded me like trash
Never said anything bad about others
But I respect them enough to say it to their face
I called them on it and denied it
Now I'm dealing with a liar I couldn't trust them
I stayed away so they can't blame me
Make me out to be the bad guy
Like they always did
Yes ! I am a girl
And I have a monthly guest
It comes without any messages ,without phone calls
Just with the flow of pain
Always endures me
I get lots of gifts
ache in bloatted belly
breaking back
Death hanging in the waist
pimples blush at the cheeks
Yeah ! I have periods
Red petals stain
in my beautiful white dress
like a bouquet of roses
These cease pains garden my womb
To be a  perfect clock
without tick tock and bell
But runs for  nine month
Just to change
****** ***** into a baby...
Being a girl is a bless with a free gift called pain .
When will it be my life begins
a day, a month, a year
maybe two
definitely two

a noble number
a number of kings
I feel it with a Gondorian fire

or maybe not two at all
I was so sure it would be two
After all if doesn’t happen then will it be three
three times the charm

but perhaps three is not the number
maybe it will be four
four times it chimed
or was that three?
It could be three

Maybe its not three of four
It’s five possibly
Its probably five
Five fingers on a hand
But three on a clock

Six is like three don’t you think
Three times two is six
Maybe its two
But two plus five is seven

perhaps is it seven years
seven years until my life begins
How sad the wind howls tonight,
how lonely.
It calls to my waiting ears through the window.
How long must I wait for the time to come
and how far must I go?
Does it call to you?

How long must my feet tread,
how long on this path should I head,
how long must I await the call,
for how long on my knees must I crawl?

Does it call to you,
for how long does it call to you?

How long until I’ve gone mad,
how long ‘til I hear the bell?
I have heard a swan’s song through the mist,
and how long will I be missed?
Do you hear my song?
Will you answer when I call?

How far it is until this path ends,
how far until this road fails?
How long have you heard its song?
And how long did you ring the bell?
Do you hear the ringing bell?
How long will it trill?

How long ‘til journeys end?
How long will you be my friend?
Why does the wind call to me,
And for how long must I wail?
Does the wind call for you?
Does it sound lonely?
I don’t really know
You smile, i smile
You cry, i cry
You get upset, i get upset
You get happy, i get happy
You loved me, i loved you

Then why is this
You left me, i can't let you go
Honey I remember your blackish eyes,
   With the deepness of no moon night,
& how they shined bright,
       when you looked at me....

I yet remember your inviting eyes,
          Filled with lust,
& how they never understood &
         accepted my "No!"
& were ready to ask for it again
I'll always remember your truthful eyes,
Never matching with your tongue's lies,
Expressing like mirror your heart's feelings,
Which you always tried to hide....

        Actually I think I've forgotten you,
                   & all your lies,
But all I remember of you is your
               MESMERIZING EYES!!!
For the one left somewhere behind, in the ocean of time....
 Aug 2019 Smiling Queen
It’s ok to go through what you need
It’s ok to feel the way you feel

Don’t hide this time
It’s time to heal

Let go of your control
As you take control over the wheel

Stir right when left
You have the right to be real

Don’t stop now
With whatever you have to deal

You are almost there
Only you can break this seal

It’s ok to go through what you need
It’s ok to feel the way you feel
-To whoever that needs to hear this today-
 Aug 2019 Smiling Queen
 Aug 2019 Smiling Queen
Tonight let me be

The one to break your shackles free

Tonight let me see

Your darkest side that could ever be

Tonight let's lay under the stars

And leave bare all our scars

Tonight let's talk through tears

About the stories of our deepest fears

Tonight let's just escape reality's hell

And write our own fairytale

Tonight let's just not survive

Tonight let's get alive...
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