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Makenzie Marie Jul 2018
I am a passenger
In my own body.
Everything’s heavy
Memories spotty.

Working away
On a beautiful day
Until my heart begins to race

Adrenaline pumping
But still I’m exhausted.
Lay down on the floor
Feet up in the sky
Get blood to my brain
And continue on with my night.

An engulfing weight
Holding me tight
Pushing me farther
From consciousness’ light

I can hear you, yes.
All that comes out is a breath.
And then again,
I’m drifting away.
I can hear everything they say.

“Open your eyes”
They flutter, sight blocked
I can not
And again
My vision is spotty
A passenger in my body.
Makenzie Marie Jul 2018
You lie
And you blame
And it’s my fault
AGAIN

Every day
It’s the same.
Nothing will change.

“I’m doing my best”
The anthem you will always sing

But if your best can be chopped down by your own sad excuses
And fall with a crash
Leaving me in your wake
And the eternity you promised to create...
“Best”
Is a lie
Is it one you’re telling yourself all the time?
Makenzie Marie Jul 2018
Trust
And tryst
Don’t slit your wrist
As he lies
While you cry
Increase your meds and you’ll be fine
But trust
Whilst he lusts
After other *****.
And he lies
While you cry
And give your heart and soul
Simply trying
To make him smile.
But he’ll destroy you
All the while.
Makenzie Marie Jul 2018
In the darkness here at night
I lay awake
And question why
I’m not enough to satisfy
Your lust, your love, or your desires.

As my heart breaks,
at the thought of her, or them,
Ready and waiting for you,
If you’re ready to crawl back to them,
My hands shake.
I wish that you would hold me tight
And then I think twice...

The way you pluck, and play
my chordae tendonae,
Is quite the show, I’d sure say.
Makenzie Marie Jul 2018
You’ve hardened me
And every silver bullet
you’ve lodged into my heart,
I’ve plucked out,
Enduring the pain
And built myself an armor
Out of your betrayal.

And You are not a Phoenix.
Your tears
Will not heal
the open wounds
you have caused
With your trifling talons.
You cannot fix this.
Makenzie Marie Jul 2018
You put on quite a show
“All is well
There is hope.”

But dear do you forget that I see inside your soul?

I want to change my ways, you say
Every day
the same.

Yet you’re Holding on to the rudder to keep the ship going south
Each day getting further from the course.
Have you forgotten that the stars are urging you north?

Did your compass break,
My valiant captain?
Or did you forsake
Your commitment to your King?
What first caused your faith to shake?
I never thought that this could happen...

Do the pirates have your soul?
Did you sell it for the promises
Of beautiful women and gold?

Was I kidnapped
Is this a Dream
Or is the life I thought I had
Just not as glittering as it seemed
This is the first poem I wrote about him, that points to me noticing that I was in an unhealthy relationship, or that things were genuinely not ok.
I wrote it In December of 2017. I don’t know the exact date, because I edited it this morning and I forgot to catch the date.
Makenzie Marie Jun 2018
I signed my name...

Your name
Attached to mine
I took your name in mine
Took your hand in mine
That was a different time

But back to today...
I took a pen to a page
And said goodbye
To that time
And the lying
And crying.

And now I’m not yours
And you’re not mine.

You’re free to be
And Choose how you’ll be
And you can no longer hurt me
I can be free.

I hope one day, you’ll see
All the harm you did to me
No bruises, no bleeding
But you’ll remember the anxiety, the screaming.
and now here’s me
With a little bit of PTSD.

But baby,
I won’t be there to agree.

Im taking care of me.
And taking back my name.
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