Years ago, my professor had cancer.
Her diagnosis left her with no answers.

So she told her students that it would be nice
To stop by her office and say something kind.
     Because she was having a very hard time.

I found it odd. What difference would it make
For this classroom to comment on her fate?

But they did, they did! And to my surprise
They baked her a cake, said prayers; cried!
     Yet she still died.

Maybe we should have kept our cakes at home.
Maybe we should have said our prayers alone.

I have a friend, he’s made of stone,
So he ended up all alone.

I know this girl, she’s made of glass,
And she can only see her past.

And then there’s me, I’m made of air,
I want to be seen, but there’s nothing there.

But then there she was, made of poetry,
— And she made it look so easy.
She shined like jewelry.
I just wanted her to notice me,

But sadly, I’m made of air.
I want to be seen, but there’s nothing there.

knock* knock knock  


knock knock knock  


I guess no one’s home.

I don’t believe in deep down inside.

But deep down inside I am afraid that those
I care about will leave me.

So I leave them first and make sure
they can’t reach me.

So when they finally let go of me
It justifies my animosity.

So I showed them!
I win the game of hearts!

Because you wanted me and I
Denied you.

I win! I win!
Again and again!

Because you showed me what is
deep down inside you.

Haha! Haha!
You thought I was your friend!

You thought I cared about you.
(A secret part of me did.)

But so what! Even if I’m all alone,
At least no one can hurt me down here.

:)

I would like
you to be
my little piece
of infinity.

My little slice
of time and space
that I can
carry with me.

A million, billion,
trillion years,
for me, won’t
change anything,

So happily ever
after, here,
my dear,
means eternity.

So as time
and space crack
and break, and give
into infinity,

I ask of you
the final few
questions of
my reality.

Would you...could you
walk with me
as I trip
into infinity?

Would you...could you
hold on to me
as I slip
into infinity?

Could we combine
at the end of time
and fade
into infinity?

The colors went green then red
then orange then blue.
And there was nothing I could do.

Then the night grew colder and darker
and there was nothing and no one.

The Infinite nothing,
And one day you Will see it.
And one day you Will feel it.
In the sky,
But also in your heart.

Like a moth to a flame,
the closer to the light I go.
Now I'm close to the light.

Think about me everyday.
Shine on me some kind of way.

The girl eats me.
She eats my hands.
She starts with the fingers,
and she's quick to the wrist.

The girl beats me.
I can't point to my assailant.
I can't count the days.
She's still at large.

The girl eats me and eats me.
She eats my hands in four bites,
but it takes nine for my face.
She moves like a woodpecker.

The girl beats me and beats me.
I'm too embarrassed to say anything.
I tell my friends that I
fell down the stairs; so clumsy.

The girl eats me and eats me, again.
She chews her food very well.
I cry every time I think about
those teeth and that tongue.

The girl beats me and beats me, again.
Hey take it easy...
One of these days
your really gonna hurt me.

I acted so well I
tricked myself.
I blinked and I
missed myself.
I should give myself
more credit.
I should
live myself.
Instead of just with myself.

I got so angry I
kicked myself.
Lost my footing and
tripped myself.
I started lashing out
at others,
but somehow I
slipped myself.
I couldn't even
grip myself.

When I look back I
regret myself.
I really thought I could
reinvent myself.
Do you still think about my inventions?
Now that you mention it,
I forget myself.
I think I just like to
upset myself.

I reach out.
Like a blind man
grasping.
My cane
tapping.
I wish someone would
pat me
on the shoulder or
talk to me.
It would be nice if someone would
ask me a question or
walk with me.
I don't care who; it's not like I can
see your face
anyway.

I reach out.
Like a blind man
groping.
Hoping that this is a friend I'm
stroking.
I wish someone would
hold me
by the hand and
console me.
I would be nice if someone would
show me the way I should
be going.
I don't care who; it's not like I can
see your face
anyway.

To be honest I couldn't show them.
I didn't tell anyone about those poems.
I pushed them down.
Down into a notebook.
Down into a box marked "old stuff."
Down into a basement.
I tried to get away from it.

And when you would crawl your way to the
front of my mind,
I would push you down.
Down into my brain stem.
Down into my blood stream.
You clawed my heart and left deep marks,
but I remember I pushed you down.

How is it that you come back around?

I pushed you into my stomach. You made me want to *****.
But I pushed it all down.
I swallowed you down,
but you still came up in conversation.
"Guys, don't you know she's in a box in a basement?"
I had to push you into my bowels so you would get out.
But I remember I pushed you down.

And then that night in a fit of rage and
aggravation you hit me in the face,
and I pushed you down.
It might as well have been a cliff. It might as well
have been the deep abyss,
but it was just the ground.
Some nights I turn over and there you sleep.
I rub my eyes in disbelief because
I remember I pushed you down.

How is it that you still come back around?

There it is my one emotion
Hi
How have you been? Up so
high.
I really hope we can get
high,
You and I? We have our emotions
Hi
and Sober.

When I was a child I would
lie.
I would smile even though I had no emotions.
Hi
Man, now I have my one emotion.
Hi
and then I'm always colder.
Bye,
sailing away on the open ocean.
High
tide rise. A Hobby? You must be joking.
I
really only have one emotion.

I'm really hoping we can get
by
with such a narrow frame of focus.
High
and then it's always over.
Why
did they leave my casket open?
Why
can I see my casket closing?
I died,
and left it all to that one emotion.

There it goes my one emotion
Bye
See you around. Up so
high.
I really love when we get
high,
You and I. We have our emotions
Hi
and Sober.

Working this hellish job,
I come up for air, but I'm barely surfacing.
I can barely see through the fog.

I did not show up for the circus.
I did not answer the call.
I mean look at me; I'm a person.

I'm just trying to decide here.
I'm trying to make up my mind.
Should I even attempt resurfacing?

Or hold my head under water permanently?
Like an addict, I want to die.
I was not prepared for this circus.

I'm not going to pay for these.
Working this hellish job,
I look at the sky, "Have mercy on me."

Your employee rhetoric is not working on me.
I think it's curtain call.
How could I forget you were a serpent?

They said it was for a good purpose.
Can we please press pause?
Is this movie even worth it?

Is this microphone even working?!
Can you read these words at all?!!
All quiet on the western front...

I think somebody spiked the punch.
Like a candle, I want to die.
I mean look at me; I'm a person.

I need something I can touch.
Like a candle, I burn alive.
Like an addict, I burn alive.

Like an addict, I burn inside.
Like an addict, this IS urgent!
Like an addict, I burn high.

Who put me down for the circus?!
I wanted to sit on a log and watch
the ripples on the surface.

But I can barely see through the fog.
I mean look at me; I'm a person, and I
work a hellish job.

I dry up.
I go stale.
A little here,
a little there.

A little *******.
A little bare.
Like they never saw it coming.
On your feet like one too many.

Oh I feel like I've failed.
I lost my pints and quarts.
I wind down.
I fizzle out.

A little here,
a little there.
A little sound.
A little cheer.

Things I didn't want to say.
I don't think I could have said it
quite any other way.
I don't think I could regret it

as well as I can today.
I fade away.
I wash out.
A little here,

A little there.
A little scared.
A little tossed out.
I am so unprepared.

Life's turning point, and I can't find the pivot.
Rotten **** but I can't seem to give it.
Don't judge because you haven't lived it.
All I know is I wanna be very far away.

When I scream I try to scream loudly.
The skies are dark, but I wouldn't mind cloudy.
I walk so hard but I can't walk proudly.
It's the closest thing I have to night and day.

I'm a drag.....a ******* drag.
But you can be the bright spot on my horizon.
I'm a drag.
Such a drag.
What a drag...

Who are you behind those eyes?
Are you deadly? Are you alive?
Who are you behind those lies?

What is going on in your mind?
Should I do it? Is this the time?
Who are you behind those sighs?

Who are you behind those cries?
Is it for help? My arms are tied...
Who are you behind that guise?

Who are you? But then, who am I?
Are we the world? Are we the sky?
Who are we behind these eyes?

It feels good, but just for the moment.
And it's warm,
and it's close,
and it holds my hand, but just for the moment.
Then it lets me go.

And I'll be cold, but just for the moment.
And scared,
and confused
alone in the dark, but just for the moment.
Then it picks me up again.

Lo and Behold.
If only for the moment.

They ooh and aah, but just for the moment.
Nice big smiles and
pats on the shoulder.  
She says, "I love you, baby." But she just loves this moment.
"I love you too."

My memories eat at me, but just for the moment.
I need to get out there!
I get used to the cold,
but I remember the warmth in the heat of the moment.
I can't get over it.

I stand on a soapbox, "Ma'am, Give me a moment!"
...of your time.
Spare change?
Time for a change, Ill seize the moment!
...and it passed.

*knock *knock *knock "Just a moment!"
And that's all it was.
I knew by the knock. I flung open the door.
She was in the neighborhood and visited on the spur of the moment.
"I'm glad you stopped by."

They say life is best lived in the moment. But of all the
days and weeks and
months and years,
I just wish we had a little more
time.

I flicked the ash from my cigarette.
Watched the smoke rise
in silence.
This lone bench I had found was wet,
but it was mine,
in silence.
My class wasn't close to starting yet,
but it was fine,
in silence.

But this silence is violent.
And my pen is compliant.
And there is nothing wrong with
this bench or this harsh quiet.

Like a sunset, except personal,
this is all mine.
My bench, my cigarette, my moment,
and it's all fine.

For now at least...
It'll do for now...
For in this silence I was endowed
a simple pleasure I heard aloud.

This violent silence,
and this harsh quiet...
It made me smile  for awhile.

We came here to laugh and cry
and hold ourselves.
Hold ourselves to ourselves so we
can see ourselves.
We came here to sleep a deep, sleep and get
away from ourselves.
We came here to eat and dream; dream
about ourselves.
We didn't come "here;" we
came to ourselves.

We came here to cry.
Those long nights where no one
cares or drops by.

We came here to laugh
until tears run down our face.
We wanna cry.

We came here to say goodbye.
Say goodbye to ourselves;
our "old" selves.

The new you shines like a suit of white armor.
For the low, low price of the rest of your
life. OH!

We just wanna be ourselves.

Hug, kiss and stroke ourselves.
We were born this way.
We were bred this way.
We like how it tastes.

We came here because we know it all.
Show it all to ourselves;
Show it off to everyone else.

But we are mature.
We are not children anymore.
We came here to grow up on ourselves.

But these floors are all wet. (CAUTION!)
We should watch the signs; study the signs.
We came here to wreck ourselves.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.
The bright, white visage has faded to grey,
as seen on T.V. sigh

We always were ourselves.

That's why we came...
here
here
here
here
here
here
here
here

Ugh...I need to pull myself together,
but it feels good to be apart.
It feels good to be scattered wherever.

There is no surprise with a broken heart.
You judge, but this is all I know.
I know how to move with no working parts.

Jeez Louise, we could be
everything we mean to be,
or seem to be. I need to be
here with you and you with me.

Please Louise, you're leaving me,
you don't know what you mean to me,
or bring to me. I dream to be
all alone with you and me, just we.

These Louise! These fleeting things
always manage to cling to me,
so deep in me. And it hurts to see
you float about so free, no care for me.

Leave Louise...Please stop teasing me.
I wish you could take this history
and misery. Now I seem to see
the things that turned I to we turned
we to me. Just me.

Gouge out my eyes and eat them.
Drink my brains like thick stew.
My fingers taste like gum-drops.
Is the sky really all that blue?

If you want my intestines,
gnaw on my sternum first.
My heart is the crisp center.
Did the chicken or the egg come first?

My toenails are made of peanuts.
My elbows are crispy and thin.
My ribs are perfectly seasoned.
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

You chew and swallow up people.
They rarely put up a fight.
But rainbows, clouds, and planets?
You can't eat the whole sky.

(No, you can't eat the whole sky.)

I'm here again - with the pen,
and I find myself here now and then.

Sooner or later; it's pen, it's paper,
it's pages, it's lines, it's rhymes again.
-It's about that time again.

Once in a blue moon I'll find a friend,
but it often ends much too soon.
-At least to me it seems too soon.

I almost thought I could see through the fog,
Me and this pen like two peas in a pod.

The wind in the trees,
the wind in the leaves,
the wind and the breeze...

inhale

The wind in me,
the wind in my sleep,
the wind in my heartbeat...

exhale

The wind on the beach,
the wind on the sea,
the wind on kite strings...

inhale

The wind in me...

exhale

The wind and the breeze...

inhale

The wind in me...

I looked up...
and it was already Wednesday.
These hours trickle into days.
These days drip into weeks.
These weeks pour into years,
and these years flow right along.

Life is long when your conscience of the seconds,
but oh so short when you reflect on the years.
And even when my end draws near,
I still want to remember the time I spent here;
     -The life I spent here.

Quietly contemplating upcoming quests,
I don't want to miss a single detail.
Missing millions of minor milestones,
that would literally be hell;
     -and everything that word entails.

I looked up...
and it was already Wednesday,
so I'm never looking down again.
Because if I take my eyes off the sky,
I may look up and it be the end.

A heart like wintertime -
And it gets dark early.
And it's very cold.

A heart like wintertime -
So all the leaves fall from my trees.
And it's very cold.

A heart like wintertime -
So  my animals run and hibernate.
And it gets dark early.

A heart like wintertime -
So circles of ice float on the surface of my ponds.
Spinning, spinning....

A heart like wintertime -
So I hear the crunch of my frozen pine needles beneath feet.
And the falling snow masks the footprints.

A heart like wintertime -
So long icicles hang from me.
And lips crack and split.

A heart like wintertime -
So heavy snow breaks my branches.
Freezing, freezing...

A heart like wintertime -
So my labored breaths rise as a fog.
And it gets dark early.

A heart like wintertime -
So spider-web frost creeps across my windows.
And it's very cold.

A heart like wintertime,
And it gets dark early.
A heart like wintertime,
And its very cold.

And i doubt that I will ever find peace,
but, then again, some brains are meant to storm.
But, despair not, I'll harness the tempest.
I won't shy when dark clouds form.

I will not fear the roar of the thunder,
and the lightning's burst cannot turn my face.
This tempest will not cause my mouth to scream,
but my mouth, this tempest, tastes.

And the wind may blow and shake my rafters,
let the rain fall in torrential sheets.
The over-whelming fear of my brain's storm
is the fear I'll rise to meet.

I despair for those who fear their thunder,
and hide instead of dancing in their rain.
But if I refuse to dance through this storm,
will the sun come out again?

When I'm gone -
I don't need a casket.
Just a hole in the earth.
Who'll come first,
the mourners or the worms.

When I'm sad -
I don't need sympathy,
just a corner alone,
inside my home,
and my right eye cries wrong tears.

When I'm free -
I won't need the sun.
Just an endless field
where nothing is real,
and I can fade to black.

When the light would fall just right on your brow,
your eyes reflect so many shades of green.
And by and by I think I've found
my very, most very, favorite thing.

I'm in love with your smile, believe me this,
and my beating heart swells up when you sing.
Skipped! Its your eyes I've never missed,
and light on them is my favorite thing.

And all the world fills up with bright treasures,
but the treasures all look so dim to me.
Green love stare as bright as ever,
and the darkness touches no where near me.

But time has forced us to now see our woes,
because our blind eyes will not make them cease.
I feel as if your eyes have closed,
if not to the world, well then, just to me.

And as my dim eyes close to weep,
I think of my most favorite thing.

But fire is not always hot! It's not!
It slows down, it cools down, it stops!
It stops! Yes stops, then it drops and
rolls and does not start back up!

But ice is not always cold! Oh no!
It goes low, it grows old, it flows!
It flows! Yes flows, then it molds and
will never again have the same glow!

But I am not always me! You see!
I can be anything, it seems, so easily!
With ease! Yes ease, but then I leave and
struggle to cope with who I've been,
and the things I've seen!

High in the mornings, high in the mornings;
I'm yawning throughout the day.

I'm going throughout the day with my
head in the clouds - not with my
head on the ground. I don't like
when my heads in that place.

Me - I'd much rather stand
out from the crowd, you always
have a clear way. Cloudy days
*** me out like nothing.

**** - I hope it doesn't rain,
but it might though.
It might just pour like hydro.
But I hope it doesn't stay.