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Tharuki Aug 2018
Its been one day, it still seems unreal, you can't be gone.
Second day without you, please tell me this is just a nightmare
Third day, I told someone about you today, i broke down
Fourth day, I cant get through this
Fifth day, our story was only beginning, why did it end so quickly?
Sixth day, I had a dream about you, it felt too real
One week past, I have run out of tears to cry, I'm just empty
8 days, never mind I’m drowning in my tears tonight
9 days, why do I feel like nobody else cares
10 days, someone asked me how you were doing, I didn’t have the strength to tell them u were gone
11 days, I hate being constantly reminded of you
12 days, I have no purpose in life without you here
13 days, my heart is going to be broken forever
2 weeks past, I thought I heard you, but realised my mind was just playing games
15 days, I saw your favourite food today at the supermarket, I almost bought it, then I remembered
16 days, everyone keeps telling me I should be over you by now, but how
17 days, the house has been too empty and quiet
18 days, I have learnt that faking a smile is easier than being sad and getting fake sympathy
19 days, the memories of you are drowning me
20 days, my anxiety is getting worse and you are not here for me to talk to
21 days, people now think im fine, but they really don’t know me at all
22 days, I want to die. Life without you is just not worth it
23 days, I know you would want me to try to be happy, I’m trying hard, that thought is getting me through this.
24 days, someone mocked you, I completely lost it and shouted at them, they deserved it
25 days, I wanted to talk to you, so I walked up to your usual spot, only to realise you weren’t there
26 days, I sang a song for you today my angel.
27 days, I'm starting to feel that I'm not as alone as I think
28 days later, Its almost been a month how did I make it through, my world is never going to be the same, not without you.
29 days, our song started playing on a long quiet drive, i tried to fight back the tears but one escaped my eye.
One month later, I don't know how to feel anymore, i feel useless and completely empty, and without you by my side i feel so alone, i'm scared of myself. The future, everything. Its crazy how one little thing can change you forever, but you weren't one little thing, you were m everything and I will be forever scarred without you, I hope one day maybe I will see you again.
Rest In Peace baby, I wish you were still here I miss seeing your happy chubby face around bub :,(
Iv'e kinda just put my whole process dealing with this into one poem/timeline story? So forgive me it might not make any sense but this is my most pure poem yet :)
Tharuki Aug 2018
All those little things
you say
are like little seeds
they grow inside of me
they sustain me
then they start getting too big
like my thoughts
and it starts damaging me,
slowly, over time
and suddenly branches
have made their way through
my fragile skin
and I am broken
on the inside,
and the outside.
Tharuki Jul 2018
And the realisation hit me
you weren't coming back
and suddenly my whole world changed
the sky was always grey and gloomy
and the trees were dying
and the flowers had withered
the stars didn't shine as bright
and the sun was just hiding
the clouds clogged up the sky
like how my thoughts clogged up my mind
and it slowly started to rain a drop at a time
and I blended right into the sadness
and when you were taken
not only did my world change forever
I had changed forever.
29.5.18
Tharuki Jul 2018
I looked at the bright
blue ocean
and looked at the
calming waves
slowly coming,
and going
and i stepped into
the water
a cold rush ran
up my leg as I
continued walking
and then those
calming waves
turned into Big
Monstrous waves
and eventually
I was under them
and I reached for
the surface
but I couldn't
make it.
And I was left
wondering
how something
so perfect
could be so
dangerous.
Tharuki Jul 2018
us.
I was drowning
and you were the water
all your waves
pushed me under
until i possibly
could go any deeper
into the mess, that
i called us.
Tharuki Jul 2018
Her eyes burned with pain
as she cried out the tears
but these tears were different
they held all the feelings
she had bottled up inside
and as she broke down
she knew this was the last time
that these burning tears
would escape her eyes
she knew
that her decision was
final.
That everything was killing her
anyways.
and she needed the pain to stop
to stop burning her alive
and to her eyes
there was only one was to resolve it
and that was
to end it.
Tharuki Jul 2018
The sound of rain hits my ears
As we drive through the wind
The drops of water crowding the windscreen
And a sad song is playing on the radio
And all I can think about is you
But you aren’t hear anymore
You were taken away
And now you are an angel
And the rain could be
All of earths angels crying
And the clouds
Show all the emotions
That cant be expressed
And a tear rolled down my cheek
Because I miss you
And I blended right in with the rain
And I wondered what you were thinking about
Do you miss me too?
Do I cross your mind?
Memories surround me
Rain is so sentimental
Just staring of into the distance
Gets you thinking
About the past
Every raindrop is filled with memories
And pain
And hurt
And they covered the windsheild
And started to fall really hard
And they all just hit me at once
And I buried each raindrop
Deep in my heart
Where I could hold you close
Forever,
Until we meet again
But for now
I’ll always be thinking of you
Especially in those long rainy drives.
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