hiding behind my door
listening to the voices
screaming outside
familiar but they seem
so distant.
I'm stuck in the middle
this happens every night
when it's over we sit in silence
as night turns to day
they start again.
where am I meant to go
when this place I call home
feels like the opposite
I don't belong

hard for me to comprehend
that it's reality.
this mess that we're living in
some days I think it's over
and it starts again
...

I saw you drowning
so I came to help
but you pushed me under
and saved yourself instead

Its been one day, it still seems unreal, you can't be gone.
Second day without you, please tell me this is just a nightmare
Third day, I told someone about you today, i broke down
Fourth day, I cant get through this
Fifth day, our story was only beginning, why did it end so quickly?
Sixth day, I had a dream about you, it felt too real
One week past, I have run out of tears to cry, I'm just empty
8 days, never mind I’m drowning in my tears tonight
9 days, why do I feel like nobody else cares
10 days, someone asked me how you were doing, I didn’t have the strength to tell them u were gone
11 days, I hate being constantly reminded of you
12 days, I have no purpose in life without you here
13 days, my heart is going to be broken forever
2 weeks past, I thought I heard you, but realised my mind was just playing games
15 days, I saw your favourite food today at the supermarket, I almost bought it, then I remembered
16 days, everyone keeps telling me I should be over you by now, but how
17 days, the house has been too empty and quiet
18 days, I have learnt that faking a smile is easier than being sad and getting fake sympathy
19 days, the memories of you are drowning me
20 days, my anxiety is getting worse and you are not here for me to talk to
21 days, people now think im fine, but they really don’t know me at all
22 days, I want to die. Life without you is just not worth it
23 days, I know you would want me to try to be happy, I’m trying hard, that thought is getting me through this.
24 days, someone mocked you, I completely lost it and shouted at them, they deserved it
25 days, I wanted to talk to you, so I walked up to your usual spot, only to realise you weren’t there
26 days, I sang a song for you today my angel.
27 days, I'm starting to feel that I'm not as alone as I think
28 days later, Its almost been a month how did I make it through, my world is never going to be the same, not without you.
29 days, our song started playing on a long quiet drive, i tried to fight back the tears but one escaped my eye.
One month later, I don't know how to feel anymore, i feel useless and completely empty, and without you by my side i feel so alone, i'm scared of myself. The future, everything. Its crazy how one little thing can change you forever, but you weren't one little thing, you were m everything and I will be forever scarred without you, I hope one day maybe I will see you again.

Her eyes burned with pain
as she cried out the tears
but these tears were different
they held all the feelings
she had bottled up inside
and as she broke down
she knew this was the last time
that these burning tears
would escape her eyes
she knew
that her decision was
final.
That everything was killing her
anyways.
and she needed the pain to stop
to stop burning her alive
and to her eyes
there was only one was to resolve it
and that was
to end it.

The sound of rain hits my ears
As we drive through the wind
The drops of water crowding the windscreen
And a sad song is playing on the radio
And all I can think about is you
But you aren’t hear anymore
You were taken away
And now you are an angel
And the rain could be
All of earths angels crying
And the clouds
Show all the emotions
That cant be expressed
And a tear rolled down my cheek
Because I miss you
And I blended right in with the rain
And I wondered what you were thinking about
Do you miss me too?
Do I cross your mind?
Memories surround me
Rain is so sentimental
Just staring of into the distance
Gets you thinking
About the past
Every raindrop is filled with memories
And pain
And hurt
And they covered the windsheild
And started to fall really hard
And they all just hit me at once
And I buried each raindrop
Deep in my heart
Where I could hold you close
Forever,
Until we meet again
But for now
I’ll always be thinking of you
Especially in those long rainy drives.

Ghosts are real
They live within us
Haunting our past mistakes
Having us live in fear
Of the future

Her mind
Was her biggest weapon
And her weakest fear
It held the extraordinary
The secrets
The lies
The untold truths
But it held the pain
And the hurt
And the suffering
And it kept everything hidden
Yet so exposed
Her mind
Was strong
But weak
Her thoughts hurt her
But hiding it took more strength
But life kept going
And so did she
Even though her life wasn’t
What she wanted it to be
Her mind
Kept her safe
But put her in danger
And with every thought
She was a step closer to death
But closer to being alive
And her thoughts
Sustained her
They made time obsolete
But still made life so fast
Her mind was her biggest weapon
And her weakest fear.

I am a house
without a "welcome mat"
I have a broken door
It's always open
for you to come in and
destroy me
come and rip out more of
my walls
and shatter the glass
of my broken windows
and break my tiles
so I can fall right onto
the cold, hard ground
you have ripped me
and destroyed me
until i came crashing down
I was a house
without a "welcome mat"
so who invited you..

The lightbulb shone
very brightly
even in the dark
then one night
the energy stopped
and so did all the sparks
the lightbulb broke
and everything went
pitch black
and all light was lost

the old tree
stood there all the time
watching the children
passing by
the old tree stood
obsolete in time
slowly withering
away
and as time passed
the old tree was slowly forgotten
less people were around
everything changed
and then one day
the old tree was cut down
like it was worthless
like it was nothing