My heart is telling me to stay
My mind is telling me to go
My body can't decide which way to go

It's been two long years and a lot of love
My highschool lover, oh how we have come so far
We made a beautiful baby, and we own a beautiful home
We worked through it all, even when you did me so wrong

Everything is perfect, yet I feel as far from happy as I could be
Always questioning myself, wondering if I should leave
I never want to touch you, I know I'm treating you wrong
And for that i' m sorry

Today I smoked my first cigarette
Then a pack, turned too two
I've always been against it
I've reached a low
What's wrong with me? I cannot breath!

I don't want too hurt you
If I stay I may be unhappy, but if I go I may regret it
What about our daughter, she shouldn't be stuck with my problems
I wish I could just forget it

I couldn't bare too hurt you, but i'm hurting myself more
In my mind I'm fighting a terrifying war

Deep down I know my heart belongs elsewhere  
But I can't stand too let go
Too throw our perfect life away
But whats a perfect life
A perfect home
A "perfect" family
When i'm unhappy

Should I stay.. or should I go

He admired me
But I was scared

He's loving me
But I'm doubting

The way he talks to me
The way his lips parted and smiled
I drowned and now
I **cried

I don't sleep unless I'm beside you
I forget to eat unless you're eating too
I get shaky and nervous and empty and sad
And I don't like how I look when you're not looking at me.

We were uncertain
of each other's feelings
hoping
they would be as our own

When you said goodbye
for the last time
it moved my heart to the back of my throat
and and my tears to the back of my eyes

Every fiber within me was fighting for love
for you

Unaware, I ran
It felt as though my eyes were closed
and yet I still knew my destination,
It was you

Let me tell you one thing
before time alters this memory
Let me tell you that I love you
before you express your apologies and flattery

.
.
.


It embraces me,
the feeling I never want to forget;
when all nerves within me fired impulses
as you spoke "I love you too"

i miss the silence
of your empty
hand

you drive
your face breathing
a white
light into the dark

the snow
falling like ash
on the road