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 Oct 2017 Giuseppe Stokes
Lindsay
Finding a lover is effortless
for some people.
They only want a few things:
Someone attractive, kind,
funny or rich.

But
I desire
something so much deeper.

I want

an intelligent mind
that wakes up thoughts in me
I didn't realize were hibernating.

I want

to converse, analyze and debate
without being conscious of
the sun rising and falling
between our words.

I want

to make a witty remark
at a coffee shop
so he can reply sarcastically
just for me to jab back immediately
and for him to comeback back playfully
until we're both laughing
stomachs shaking
spit flying
the whole store staring
and we leave
without coffee

I want

our hands to stitch together
perfectly
like two lost puzzle pieces;
one found under a couch cushion
one found inside a junk drawer.
The rest of the puzzle has
already been thrown away
but
these two pieces remain
and they fit.

I want

to fall in love together
then together fall in love with
art, museums, songs, poems
T.V shows, radio jingles,
greek food, backroads,
our mutual hatred for pop culture,
doing the dishes (as long as he washes and I dry)
wrong turns, piled up laundry, life.
Just fall in love with life.

I want

to hurt with him

I want

to save the world with him

I want

to meet, see, understand
and experience all that is foreign
with him.

I think it will only take us meeting
and it'll only be history and happiness from then on.

It's just a matter of if a love like that could ever be
and if a love like that could ever be for me.
I pull at my hair
And scratch at my skin
You ask me why
I don't even know where to begin

The curls in my hair are all wrong
The colour orange just doesn’t belong
My skin looks all weird colours and mottled
The feelings inside I keep up and bottled

There is no reason for my depression
I find it hard to show my expression
I escape into the word of fiction
I stay so long it becomes an addiction

Being who I am doesn’t conform
To what others consider the social norm
People who know my sexuality
See me as an abnormality

I get terrified when in a crowd
Everyone just always seems so loud
I cling to people like a leach
My voice is weak without freedom of speech

I wish I could be normal
But that would just abnormal
I wish I could learn to accept
But in that I am so inept
I'm really tying to accept all my flaws and things that I don't like about my self. So many people no matter who they are or where they live are not happy with who they are. We all just need to learn to accept others and our selves despite our flaws.
Some people live their entire lives without ever seeing the light
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Not because they can't, but because they refuse to even try
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Don't stay in the darkness
When my day is feeling gray
And my mind is in disarray
I look outside
Only to find
A blue butterfly
Fluttering through the sky

When I saw the blue
Of its wings as it flew
It brought a smile to my face
As its wings flap with grace
It brings happiness in its wake
And many friends does it make*
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
For my friend Kirashma, who is always so kind and friendly and always makes people happy just like the blue butterfly.
being alone is
raw.

when
no one can see you,
is the time you can
see yourself.

feeling the pain is
real.

then
you know
that you are
human.
The moment I think back on
the most
isn't when
                   we learned to samba
                we saw each other naked
              our lips met for the first time
or even when we said I love you.
Its our last night together,
the night we
            played cards with your family
       slept in your twin bed
    couldn't work the DVD player
and took our first bedroom picture.
It was the night when
    I woke up and cried quietly
until you felt my tears on your skin
    You wrapped me up and rocked me back to sleep
    You whispered I'm here over and over again.
Don't you remember, love?
*It was the night before you left (me).
Hope is the only thing that drives the world
Hope for peace
Hope for love
Hope for seeds of peace..

Let's hope for people to have hope..
Something about the woven leather
Reminds me of sandals you once wore,
In the garden enjoying the sun.
Your shorts and that old cotton vest
the one that was probably once white,
but Nanny wasn't around to do your whites anymore,
and so it grew greyer as your hair grew whiter.

The sun's rays danced through the waves of your hair
and into the garden,
Filling it with light, shining down upon plastic flowers planted among coloured stones.
Smells of stale cakes from bargain stalls and the sugar from flat lemonade in murky cups wafted out the back door and clashed with that overpowering cooking smell as you sat in your sun lounger and baked yourself in vegetable oil, cooking your Irish skin to a crisp!

The flower patterns of your walls in the garden and cast iron patio furniture,
The plastic mat that covered the carpet and always managed to trip us,
The halogen heater in the parlour and blanket on your knees,
The clumps of bullseye sweets in your locker and Quality Street tin of empty wrappers,
The damp and stale smells of the kitchen in your care,
The holy pictures and moving Jesus on the stairs,
The bath marbles we loved to play with and how they'd smash upon collision,
And the pink, silk quilt that enveloped your bed,
They're all pieces in the mosaic that illustrates your memory now and they'll never be broken.
I've glued them so tightly together it's as strong as your jaw!
Your jaw, always known to make eyes water when you'd turn during a goodbye kiss on your cheek and crush our noses! Even when we tried to approach with caution! But oh what anyone of us wouldn't give to feel that again, just to say goodbye and think we'd be over to the Bluebell to see you again.

So now I sit and look at the woven leather on my sandals and remember all the details, all the memories that are woven together to make you. Sometimes I wish I could click the heels together.
Bluebell
Bluebell
Bluebell
And be back in that garden, once more.
Just rambling memories that I never want to forget.
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