you’ve broken me 
you wrapped your hands around my throat
and whispered your words of malign, pulling my hair
cutting my tongue 

there’s no escaping you, old friend of mine
but I lost you in the tremors of my mind
used to be filled with beauty, kindness and grace
but I don’t even recognise your face

I look at you with disgust 
and you look back at me with revulsion 
I clench my fist, you clench yours 
now, shards of glass are on the floor

I remember jumping into the water without knowing how to swim
I remember pressing my hand against the kettle to check if it was hot, watching it blister red for hours
I remember pinching myself even if I knew I was awake
I remember running until my feet burned and my lungs collapsed

I remember crying so hard until my eyes were swollen shut
I remember not remembering the answer to a math question and everyone called me stupid
I remember gripping my own wrists so tight until it turned into a kaleidoscope of blues and purples
I remember letting myself get tangled in your hair and drown in your eyes

I remember destroying myself

I drink my coffee, butter my bread

I still can’t get you out of my head

wash my hair, brush my teeth

you’re the only reason why I breathe

When I was 4 years old I remember having a huge crush on this guy in my kindergarten class. I kept trying to play with him but he didn't want to because I didn't know how to spell the word... "Cat". And in my final act of convincing, he punched me so he could play with the girl next to me who did know how to spell cat.

I was 6 and a half to be exact and I remember coming home to screaming and crying with glass on the floor. "Mom and dad are fighting... Again" I thought. My other siblings had to physically pull them apart (sobbing whilst doing so) so that they wouldn't ****** each other. While my brothers and sisters wondered when my parents lost their happiness, I casually played with my toys wondering if they were ever even happy.  

I was 8 when my older sister told me to never love or get into a relationship because it would just end in smoke and ash and we'd both disappear into the grey clouds acting like nothing ever happened.

I was 10 when I heard the news that after many years of love and loyalty my brother's wife was cheating on him with a military man. All hail America! Am I right?

I was 14 when I picked my sister up... Drunk and in tears. She was vomiting her insides out and I, being worried (and a snoop) asked her what happened. And she slowly replied "he did"

Once she said that I was 5 again. Watching a Disney fairytale and saying "that's not true" as the narrator said "and they lived happily ever after"

I am 16 and I remember seeing your face the other day. And all of I sudden... I was 3 again and a princess wishing upon pumpkins and taking to mice... Believing that I could live happily ever after.

fire of my lungs

pain of my chest

cut on my lip

bruise on my neck

he is fire

he is pain

the one that drives me insane

the cut on my lip

the bruise on my neck

my life was his to wreck

he is the sun, the moon, the rain

*what is love without loss and life without pain?

Your heart. My hand.
Your lips. My plan.
Your eyes. My demise.
Your hair. My heart's incise.

Your heart, your lips, your eyes, your hair
This torture you've instilled in me is not fair
They are shackles to my greater cause
But without you, my life withdraws

Her kisses healed blood
Her blood healed kisses
Her knives spoke the truth
Her truth spoke knives
Red were her lips
Her lips were.

It's 12 a.m.
I run off caffeine and gasoline,
nothing seems real lately
I am a forgery of reality

It's 1 a.m.
I am numb, I am cold
I look at my shattered image, to make sure I am myself
To make sure I bleed like everyone else

It's 2 a.m.
The lights flicker as hope withers
Disastrous dreams haunt my brain
The darkness is making me insane

It's 3 a.m.
And I lose

In every whisper I hear your name
I feel the tear roll down my cheek
just like how your fingers did with my spine
in every movement I remembered how you used to be mine

You always used to ask me if I was fine,
Now no words are spoken between us
shards of glass still run through my veins
as i recall my fingers running through your hair like trains

Our hands fit perfectly together
thought that you would be by my side forever
in every kiss, i would feel complete bliss
your eyes are what I miss

Your smile curled just like your hair
little secrets, moments we’ve shared
but your face goes bitter whenever you hear my name
in every silence, nothing will ever be the same

I don't know what to write but I want to write about you
About your hair, your eyes, your every fright
And about how your favorite color is blue

I don't know how to write
but I want to write about you
How you're in awe with every sight
Like how everyone falls for you, even the moon

I can't write,
But I can write about you
Every detail comes to mind
When I think about beauty that can't be true