Merry Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas Eve.

If I said holiday cheers one more time
it'd become redundant,
but to each of you
that chance upon this--
know that if I could
I would wish you a thousand splendid
Christmas Eves.

I would become the chain
children make in school
counting down the days till Christmas.

I'd become the warm smiles
with hands holding
even warmer coco
to keep you toasty; tis the season.

I'd bring fresh pine scent
and logs for the fire,
these will be here
to bring the aura of the holidays to your home.

I may not be a rich man,
more near to those you see
pitching for spare change;
this would never stop me
from finding you a gift to cherish.

I would give you all the time
you ever wanted and needed,
because I know that around the holidays
we all need a little bit more care.

Merry Christmas Eve.

If there was boat
with paddles
I would use them
to sail away from here.

There wouldn't even need
to be paddles.
I would use my hands
to gouge out the water
to create an open
wound between the two us.

I'd have something
to look at to know why
every time I'm near you
I can smell fresh blood in the air.

I'd find splinters in the wood
and push them into my chest,
because at least then.
I'd know why I'm suffering.  

I'd get an infection
and I'd finally be able to go see my doctor
for a diagnosis on what was ailing
our relationship.  

He wouldn't know,
but you'd be able to tell from his expression
that he wanted to lie to me--
to spill some philosophical rhetoric
into the sea around my boat,
so I might stop sinking.

She's been next door
since my birth
and you may wonder how that
is even possible
when I am four or five years older than her.

I met her at a time
in my life
where my world changed,
and in this change
I tried to live--
to live for anything.

In my futile attempts
to find purpose
to conquer the beasts
of mental illness,
she's been at my window
to see this eternal struggle of mine.

She's wonderful
completely and utterly--
of course this doesn't mean she's perfect
and even more of course she's far from it.

But maybe it's that imperfection
that has allowed
her and I
to have open windows,
open hearts,
and open conversations--
no matter the
Time zones, languages, or illnesses
we always come back
understanding each other
just a little bit more.

People on the internet
are like any others
and talking without reason
terrifies us.  

‘Everyone you meet
is the monster under the bed
the skeleton in your closet
the psyche of horror
haunts their dreams.’

Maybe
every fable
we’ve ever heard
is lingering behind
the veil we call
our lives.

Or maybe,
if we were
really honest
for one moment,
a single breath.

We’d all come to know
spooks and goblins
didn’t come from tales told–
it is our personal fears
hiding within the mind.

Our unwillingness to believe
that anyone could come to love us
and the doom that suffocates
is the feeling no one will ever know,
who we are.

If people ever caught sight
of our bones
sleeping underneath skin
they’d run
leaving us with scars
scratched so deeply
we’d never be able to recover.

A person can be depressed for an eternity
but they could be happy
for a split second
and that would be enough
to push them off the edge.

One Day
We'll never speak again
it's going to happen
boyfriends,
girlfriends,
husbands,
wives,
and death will not be the culprit.
It's going to be
just like the trees fighting
for sunlight in the forest,
we are both
going to suffocate
till one day
you or I
cannot live without breathing
and we'll fall away
rotten hollows--
once being the beauty
that made us even
thirst for sunlight.
We'll be unrecognizable
stumps not lovers
and watching the other tumble
will be like Fall coming early
because our leaves
will wilt to the wind.
The Sun will shine through though,
one day in the future
and on the horizon
we'll see each other
swaying in the wind
and we'll  be as perfect
as the day we first saw one another
that's when we'll realize
it was really us
that almost
killed each other.

Human hubris
is believing that you're special
it's waking up in the morning
and thinking
'gee, I really do matter'
and we do this
in so many different ways.
Thinking
'I'm going to make the most out of my day'
'I look really good in this outfit, becky!'
'I wonder if they'll miss me when I'm gone'
Hubris.  
It's the human condition
where a hubris mind is a healthy mind
and the opposite is a depressed mind.
The human condition
is an egotistical one
so when we wonder
why does the world suffer so much
also remember
that we were conditioned
to believe we matter
when actually
it should have been
everything does.