Hi, sorry this isn't exactly a poem. I'm sorry that I've been dumping all of my ****** poetry and emotions on you, but poetry is my outlet for emotions. With trump winning the elections, I've been left stressed, sad and downright scared. Sorry.

It happened again.
How dumb of me to think I could go more that 24 hours without it.
My worst enemy.
My best friend.
My problem.
My solution.
I don't even know why.
It just happened.
I'm so sorry.

I sit at the table
While a different part of my brain
Tells me that I can't eat
Or i'll go through more pain

The bullies will come back
They'll hurt me more
I hate my life
I miss how it was before

Why is it so hard to eat
Why is it so hard to talk
Why is it so hard to run
instead of choosing to walk

I don't want to gain weight
I don't want to lose
I wish that whether I eat or not
Is something I can choose

My friends have started to notice
How little I eat….
I don't want to talk about it…

The blade on my desk sings an alluring melody
Tempting me to cut
Telling me that I deserve it
I'm happy… anything but.

I try to ignore
Against the wall i lean
I try to hope
I try to dream

But the song draws me closer
Telling me to cut deep
Telling me that if I do
It'll help me sleep

The avoidance fails.
Blood falls to the floor
Staining the carpet
I close the door.

Silent tears
Hopeless dreams
A ruined life
ripped at the seams

Tears fall to the cuts
It stings.
Is it weird that I like it?
Is it weird the happiness it brings?

When I finish
I cover it with a sleeve.
A future Scar
That I know will never leave.

I didn't Want to.
It was an accident.
A beautiful accident.
A painful accident.
Not an accident.

Help me.

Build me like IKEA furniture
With wood and screws and pain
Let me talk to you deeply
Let me take up part of your brain

Let me love you truly
With no lies, wrongs or cheats
Let me care for you lovingly,
Let me wrap you In clean sheets.

Let me ****** those who wronged you,
Let them bleed Out on the floor,
Let you smile honestly
When I come knocking at your door

Let nobody near you but me
Let the pain stay far away
Let me be your medicine
You must take me every day.

Don't leave me.
Please love me.
Who is she?
Does she replace me?

I'm not obsessed.
I'm not obsessed.
I love you.
DONT LEAVE.

What part of no
Sounded like yes

Quick breaths
Peppermint tears
And I said,
"Never again."
"Never again will I be the weakest link,
Never again will I fail,
Never again will the pressure
Hit my back like hail."
"Never again will I be weak
Never again will I be lost,
Never again will I feel this way,
No matter the cost."

Turns out
Crystal clear
Might not be as clear as we think

I look through glass
And I see a warped version of you
A twisted version of the person I once loved

I look through quartz
And I see a kind person
Someone who cares
Someone who loves.
That's not who you are.

I can see for myself.
I don't need any crystals that manipulate me into thinking you are good.
You're not.
Leave me alone.

I barely recognize my reflection
Who am I?
Who is the person in the mirror?
I don't look like myself. This isn't my body.

I'm not a girl
I'm not a girl
I'm. Not. A. Girl.

The mirror says the opposite of my heart.
A stranger looks back.
We argue.
My eyes verus my mind.
My body versus my soul.
My heart.
Glass shatters and breaks it.
I feel it fall to the floor.
Blood dries on the ceramic bathroom tiles.
So do tears.

I refuse to be a girl.
I won't be a girl.
I never have been.

I'm. Not. A. Girl.

What is wrong with humanity
We torture animals to entertain ourselves
We separate them from their families
We burn their homes
Flames licking at ancient trees
We poison their waters
We fill them with plastic and oil
And say that we have it bad
What have we done?

You can't go anywhere that Hasn't been touched and ruined by humans.
Not a forest with no footsteps
Not an ocean with no plastic
Not a mountain where humans haven't planted their flag.
What have we done?

Homes
Gone.
Lives
Lost.
A collapsed society, built on greed and neglect
World awful
Whoever has more money wins
People stuck on violent, garbage filled streets
Animals in chains
What have we done?

Birds try to fly
But wings are tied
Fishes try to swim
But gills are caught
What have we done?

The only way to fix it
Is to start over
If only.
If only we could.
Goodbye, dear earth. I'm so sorry.