Glancing at the sun settling for the evening
sienna was the color of the sky
See blood has been shed this day
I've walked this once holy land which man has constantly fought over
for the freedom to pray openly
This woman she spoke of going home one day and I too missed the freedom we take for granted
sadly she's a prisoner of the organization fighting for her rights, her freedom
there were pressures to perform and be obedient, men have had their way with her, and bound by silence
She's alone and left to suffer
Praying and begging for a way out of this life searching for an answer
but the bottle is empty and the needle is bent, her nose bleeds
Nothing left to do but to drop to her knees and pray to her creator
for forgiveness
She's changing and finding new love, it's power is overwhelming
he gives her a reason to get up in the morning
Excited about smiling slowly the pain suddenly disappears
attached to a fantasy baby girl holds on tight
this is the first time she's been in love
And it felt so **** good, even if it wasn't returned
Her heart broke in two, depressed was her soul and isolation
was a good friend, diagnosed & confined for confusion of the mind
The gun shot still echoes
in the sienna sky as feet are worn and bodies battered and scattered
in this blood soaked sand
The soul is worn and glass slipper is shattered
No Cinderella

Forever
Pain seems like a beautiful concept, as I sit contemplating your demise. I gazed into eyes constantly deceitful in nature, I guess that would explain you ignorant behavior.

Love seem like it would last forever, but thoughts of selfishness and boredom took precedence over true intentions. You failed to mention we weren’t forever, however passions veil of lies grew darker you spoke of my stupidity I should have been smarter?

I imagined your smile and how it sparkled and lit up my conducent mood. How could I have been misunderstood? Love with me was honest and true, never cheated, lied, or mislead you!
Forever, Forever, Forever….

Set in this mature age, clarity of transformation between love &lost without reconciliation, avoiding conversation that would result in humiliation he grew tired of our situation.
Forever…
I loved you with every fiber of my being, neglecting how ****** up our love was silly me accepted the love I thought or believed I deserved. Forever  I was told humbling  this heart for the void in your soul can only be filled by your selfish pride why lie?
Forever…..

Serious
I’m in love and it’s serious!
Your falling in love and I told you don’t take this too serious’
I love you and it’s serious!
It’s over are you serious!
I can’t believe your acting like this, it ain’t that serious!
You’re taking this situation way too serious.
Seriously, I think you’re crazy.
Emotions are so serious.
Life, as well as love, is to be taken seriously.

Never Changing
Back in the day you would think twice before you say my name
Considered hungry and thirsty so I chased the fame
Burning flames fairly new to the game so the **** didn’t change
So I’m smiling kinda funny cause chicks is tossing out rent money
There’s no lavish to my style No habits
Never Changing something to think about, I’m tired stressing full of doubts
At times I get in my car & ride the gas out just thinking
My ancestors would be tossing and turning in their graves to find out I was considered the epitome of a slave
Pant too small sitting with my *** out with a nasty disposition ****** no clout
Never Changing
Bills piling up gotta work it out phone keeps ringing & I’m spazzing God what’s good just asking?
Seems like never needs to change, the longer the purpose it starts to look like a three ringed circus.
Trust and believe there’s no magic hocus poke us
Never changing
**** gotta believe you can brush your teeth with how cold this game gets
Honestly, no time to hesitate because my pockets empty, so I’m running to the dollar store no Colgate.
Never Changing
Messing with this industry could be costly eager desiring to please mouths frothy Cudjo
Frantic and alone holding on to a pre-paid cell phone, losing grip tripping crazy
Lazy must put that work in, Never changing!

Due to reasons I can't explain or understand , it's such confusion the thought of men.
As women, we're blind to the real deal trying so **** hard to conceal the facts
Just too relaxed
chasing things beyond our grasp, afraid to let go
the reality is we just don't want to know the truth
Obsession
emotions hurt us deeply, there's no sign of conceptional relief just the constant grief, can't eat , sleep , think or blink without crying
obsession
wondering why I can't be , what happen to us where did we go wrong or was it me ?
Did I say something, do something , what if we tried again?
Obsession
I can't lose my friend , I don't want this to be the end, can we talk , just listen
lets take time to spend together, I just want to be next to you.
Hold you, did you get my letter, why haven't you answered my call , I checked my messages, I went past your job.
Obsession
We obsession over unanswered questions , being ghosted by the idea of you perhaps one day returning we leave the window cracked to our heart in the hopes that you'll return to open it..
Honestly it leaves us obsessing over what could have been or why it's so hard to let go.
Obsession!

I Use To Love Him
To remember love the way it had been, in the beginning of it all.
Our first kiss, holding hands, our first-morning breakfast together
And the memories we created, the pictures imprinted
In our minds of happiness, the sheer wonder of new love & how good
It felt to love somebody.
To argue & makeup, cry and suddenly feel the temporary sting
Of disappointment & heartbreak just to get back together again
Unconditional  love.
I use to love him
Leaving clothes around the house & watching the T.V way too loud
As annoying & distracting his presence was felt, a smile crosses my ******* face
As he manages to make me laugh
I use to love him
The way he held me close as we cuddled on the couch, I’d fall asleep in his lap or the
Private moments of loves embrace, his caresses soothes my childlike mood and my
eager enthusiasm to remove his clothes he reminds me, patients was essential
In reaching my goals, I fell in love with him
The one I let get away!
I use to love him!
Written by Monica C. Hines

I'm blind yet  I see
the view is blurred as my speech is slurred and head is clouded
**** I feel crowd'ed
as my heart grows heavy with the feelings of love that my father God has sent from above
Yet you push and shove your spirit upon me
**** leave me be
doubt sets in, let me kiss what I've missed even though I share wedded bliss
can you handle this
what im feeling
Confusion is what my heart and mind go's through being next to you
not really understanding
can  I share what I dare to bare in front of you and you in front of me
let's see am I ready?
Come lay with me and experience the softness of this hotness as we involve ourselves
you come  to  full ******* I taste the temptation as it falls from my lips
you grab my hips with desire as the temperature get higher hot we perspire
hands pressed heavy interlocked fingers starring at each other as if we
were lovers and with closed eye's we definitely see what we are meant to be
when we see eachother from afar
our secret!

As a child, adults said it's a phase we would go through; Some say we do it to keep from being who we are?
There as some things that just can't be decided overnight however most grow into who their suppose to be.
We look the same when we get up in the morning and when we lay down at night or do we ?
Some put on makeup to cover up the face that isn't happy
men sometimes shave a face that isn't ready to grow up (changing faces)
to disguise ourselves, putting on aires to make believe we're who we want to be or think we are.
Shallow in our own minds ashamed at times and confused what is beautiful
beauty is so much more than skin deep
can't hide scares that bruise real deep (shape-shifting faces)
should you go on pretending that these many faces don't bother you?
Vivid in a confused mind (scandalous faces) I see before me, scared
by tormenting words and taunts of no respect of the heart (lying faces)
these images , these many faces are misleading you to believe that you can trust and hold on to it!
It's better to put on your greatest face and perform a self-confident face !

I'm Possible
I am possible because of God
I am possible because two forces or unacquainted love, was brought together to create greatness ME!
We are all possible and uniquely designed, Fat, tall, skinny, short, ugly, cute who are you to judge we are possibly the greatest thing God has ever created and powerful.
I’m possible and exonerated from the sins of my past in fact was told I was lazy, I'd amount to nothing, poor with no class……. Low self-esteem stupid giving up the ***.
It’s possible to change and be someone of good character, however, those demons never let you forget what you were & who and perhaps  what you did.
I’m possible, God changed me and I will admit I have my setbacks, I backslide but it’s possible to ask for forgiveness and move on.
We are all possible and anything is possible if you believe that your dreams and our goals are attainable.
Be possible be great
We are here because God made it possible.
Thinking out loud, written by Monica Chrisandtras Hines

Broken Spirit

As I watch the water flow from my hands
A glance in the mirror reminds me that I’m still human
& the heart must break to heal.
Graphic and detailed memories
Of a broken Spirit. I’ve succumb  to the darkness & of the pain I felt, losing my breath was the easiest thing to do. Walking amongst the crowd pity was not felt! Truly deserving ROARS of laughter
Foolish Broken spirit
The L on my forehead would depict a loser so I was marked and shamed named a *****
For a performance held behind closed doors
Embarrassed and Broken
Cause lack of knowledge furthered the humiliation of this woman
The anticipation of anxious hands grasped this angelic ***
And once more giving into a lie as I laid there naked and confused
Broken Spirit
A mouth full of *** not swallowed bothered me as his lips curved happy
Was he, I lost my respect somewhere on bended knee
And so unsure was he as he pulls his pants up and walks out
The door leaving me with this Broken Spirit…

I’m keeping my head up!!!

Thanks for the advice(M)
Written By Monica Chrisandtras Hines

Luke warm
was the weather that maybe kept us, and beautiful were the leaves that fell when he left.
Summer was gone and winter stayed a bit longer than I would have liked,
I was glad to see Autumn again.
Carmel yellow, red, and the deepest shade of green set a sense of fall
& through it all I'd remember Autumn.
The way the trees swayed in the breeze my soul could be eased by his voice and the choice to rejoice come dawn.
I'll always remember,
Never summer,spring, winter
Always Autumn.

Bottle half empty, beads of sweat glisten across the forehead
of a troubled man
The drink has him in this sedated state of rest, as he
drunkenly
tries to put his hands on my breast
not quite coherent my self  
Liquor enhanced my lustful state of mind
So I flash his vision blurred eyes
staggering to a corner to kiss
Bacardi laced lips, I raised my skirt
Not quite Sober
Warm lips caress what's hidden
I squat down too scared to moan
He takes another swig of the bottle and bathes
the ****, I shiver in excitement
As he unveils his ****
Not quite Sober !

Bruise's heal , but the scars still remain
& the subtle pain of a memory felt & the guilt of a not said sorry!
Abuse

The Space Between You and I

What can I say, I’m really feeling you but
The mood was sort of somber an I thought a back massage would do the trick
As you sexually suggested I play with your ****
I began to get aroused when your fingers tickled the ****
The sensual breeze of your breath on my thigh gave me this
****** high and the need the desire for you quickened
******* shift and this thing was stiff

The Space between you and me

Come closer not afraid im ready, my back against the wall
Legs around your waist your trust is deep and protected as you ****** those hips and kiss these lips
I **** on your neck hard is your body pressed firmly against mine
I brace my self for the motion
You speak softly (hold on) warm is this that runs down my leg as I begged for it
*** moans and words and beads of sweat filled my room with heaven
I was glad that the space between you and I
Got closer…..

Men give less value to a Promiscuous or immoral woman, and sometime she’s a victim not the circumstance, why do men hold less value to the hurt that is caused because they heard you get around or you trusted them with your secrets?

Some choose to pursue a faithless, unworthy, or idolatrous desire only to find out this person  this ***** does have a heart and *** is not meaningless ,to scurry around and bounce from bed to bed giving disregard to the countless broken hearts laid by a path of deceitful pleasure should you be so lucky??
Who gives a **** about a ***** or ***** or *******, they’ll get over it, there used to it, does it not come with the job or there easy! Not always true even a ***** needs love or the ******* needs genuine affection.
Why do you not care enough to hold them and or ease their pain if their hurting as well ,defined love and what’s valuable to you ….I don’t care about her I hurt my family but you cared enough to slip your **** up in her …and or have it ****** !
****** have feelings too!
You took your time and played out the situation, found a vulnerable place to lay you head even enjoyed getting in between this *****'s legs ,now you’re feeling some sort of way and she has to go because after all she’s a ***** and the pleasure was mutual, she was your refuge an open ear in your time of need ..But she still a *****!
WHY bother??
written by Monica Chrisandtras Hines

Betrayal

The knife is within inches of my heart as I stand holding it together, tremendously falling apart. I stare at a face promising never to tell me lies, as I smell the scent of another on your clothes and discover passionate scratches on skin, Thursday seems to be a really special day because you turn your phone off and decline to comment.
Magnificent liar you’ve inspired such random desires of us and I fall in love all over again
But I’m entrapped in a web of lies and soon the veil of betrayal covers me.
Lured with seductive intellect I’m a victim of doubt, He would not do this to me he loves me and wants me and never gets tired of his desires for me, but was this betrayal of my own accord?
Trusting you with my flaws, baring in front of you insecure confidence I allowed you to devour every inch of my scar riddled body, as I reluctantly released the key to this wounded heart once again I face betrayal.
Love seems to come with a clause and I neglected to read the fine print see I dove head first for this ****. The reality of love I can’t completely explain, and the pain of betrayal lingers like the smell of cheap perfume.
I carve love across my chest large enough for you to see the letters bleed a crimson reminder of Betrayal I loved you!
11:39 pm Thursday

Hours past and I’m sitting on the edge of destruction
  Avoiding endless distractions, pacing the floor till my feet hurt the souring
  Devotion of love diminishes every second I look at my phone, wondering if you’re alright.
Calm covers a face of disappointment, once again im left to play a game of hide and seek
  Where will I find my love? See love has not shown its face in a long time, ******* up playing games
  With my mind, I decide to confront love and ask that dreaded question “'do you love me”
   Realistic expectations of unconditional love has the last laugh, for comfort and deep emotions
   Reign deceitfully out of loves mouth!

My lipstick

My lipstick a deep shade of burgundy
Traced outline of my imprint on the inner most part of your thigh
Excites me!
Thoughts leave me lingering rolling around in your bed
Kisses like foot prints of a path to your navel
My lipstick compliments your skin tone
He grabs the delicate
Splendor the curvature
Which is ***?
Mounted upon strength
Switching places a dispiteous
Gaze of disambiguation and a subtle smile
Might be here for awhile
My lipstick
Smeared along your neck deep crimson
Leaves intricate detail of mouth on
Caramel colored skin. Sweet like a work of art
My lipstick traced outline on the inner most part
Of your thigh.


Written by MONICA CHRISANDTRAS HINES

*****

Men sometimes put no value to *** and the sacred decision a woman might hold dear for the reason to
Submit options of letting you indulge in her essences. See some have had men all over the world and there is one thing for
Sure that ***** has a name never a face, Mumu , myse ,kisse, pepita, catellus, passera, mita it  all mean
The same thing *****, *****, *****. And the truth of the matter is your sometimes not remembered or
Even thought about once you give the ***** up!
So guard and respect your ***** and you’ll be wiser for not giving it up, I thought of all the times I
Gave up my ***** and grieving the next day he was gone, nothing but a memory of the ****** he either didn’t
Or did put on! I have disrespected my body for a moment of pleasure far too valuable to get rid of, and
The 15 minutes or less or if I’m lucky an hour of pleasure soon will be forgotten as he’s on to the next one
Or back with his main love or the one whose holding out, but she worth waiting for.
***** is abuse sometimes tainted with the smell of ***** left inside you with your naïve ***, I’m not going
Anywhere imma be here for you, trust me so the ***** stinks reeks of disappointment!
As they get dressed to leave a delicate kiss on the forehead and a polite thanks for the *****!
Don’t be this chick (hold out on giving up the *****, be known for your worth)
You’re so much more than *** or *****! I now know my worth!

Written by Monica Chrisandtras Hines 9/16/2014