You don't look the same
But why am I surprised
And honestly it's a shame
Because I miss your cold blue eyes

You say you envy me but you don't understand
I'm tired of fighting and dying
Just once I want to be given the upper hand
Because if I said it was easy I'd be lying

So maybe you're so sorry for me
Since you know what I've become
This thing I am forced to be
You know from where it comes

I don't want you help as much as you try to give
It's on my own terms that I plan to live

Sometimes I worry I won't have a beautiful life

I've never been one to ask for flowers
And I've never been one to see a perfect date as dinner and a movie
I just wasn't raised like that
Love to me couldn't be bought

As I look ahead I wonder if there will be any beauty to it
If anyone will truly love me
If anyone will ask for me
If anyone will cry over me

It makes me sick wondering if I will mean anything
If there is any beauty to me at all

But then I reflect
Turn my head and look back
And I think of all the moments with you
Filled with red carnations and fireworks

I see the beauty in the little places
It helps me to know that I am beautiful with you
And I can't wait to have a beautiful life by your side

There aren't words that can express the way I miss you
I miss your goofy smile
Your head nuzzles
Your beautiful dark eyes
I can't shake the gaze of those beautiful eyes of yours
Almost half a year since we locked eyes
And yet you stare at me forever
I'm sorry I wasn't there when you left this world
I promise I tried to be
I'll hold you in my heart forever
That's one promise I can keep

One second I'm dancing in neon light
And the next bleeding out in the shower
Its as different as night and day and yet
Both take place in under an hour
Because that's the thing about the human mind
It has unreachable highs
And unfathomable lows
Down in the sorrows or reach for the stars

When I die I think of you
I think of your smile and your laugh
I don't want to be the one to steal them when I die
Because when I die you'll think of me
In nothing more than a fond memory
Your smile will fade
Your laugh will wither
And I'll rot in the ground where I was delivered
I don't want to destroy your happiness
How my existence makes you happy I'll never know
But as I die I think of you