Philomena

Philomena Nov 2019

When I die I think of you
I think of your smile and your laugh
I don't want to be the one to steal them when I die
Because when I die you'll think of me
In nothing more than a fond memory
Your smile will fade
Your laugh will wither
And I'll rot in the ground where I was delivered
I don't want to destroy your happiness
How my existence makes you happy I'll never know
But as I die I think of you

#death #suicide #depression #alone #love #protection

Philomena Nov 2019

Take me Back

Take me back to our first kiss
To the endless nights
The Bright mornings
And the sun filled days
I want to be in love again
I want to see your smile again
Hear your laugh
And at the end of the day feel your embrace

#memories #love #past #kiss

Philomena Nov 2019

Loosing Interest

You asked me today if I was loosing interest
But what you don't know its you I hope for every night
You don't see me cry, see me worry
You don't know how much I love you
It's just hard to love you when I can't stand myself
I can feel you slipping through my fingers
And I just want to scream
You bring out the very best in me
Even when I don't think it's there
I love you

#love #loss #dying #fallingapart

Philomena Nov 2019

Game

It always starts small
A "wish I was perfect"
Or "could I be more?"

I never started playing the game with this in mind
And as I stand here one foot in the grave
Its easy to see how it couldn't have ended any other way

The little doubts grow into deep pains
The tiny voice whispering turned into screams
The sleepless nights became endless days

Maybe it began innocent
Maybe it was originally some small
But soon I'm slitting my wrists
Locking my door
Before I know it someone finally says it
"why don't you just **** yourself"

What an idea
The ultimate escape
The end of the game

Swallow the pills
Slash my wrists
Still here though

Couldn't even finish the game
Try and try again
Can't even win at this

#suicide #depression #pain #games #game

Philomena Nov 2019

Maze

I am but a rat in a maze
Round and round I go
Through corners and dead ends
Trying to find my way back to you
And it's not easy
But it's worth it
I just hope you'll be waiting with open arms
When I arrive
If I arrive

#maze #rat #lost

Philomena Oct 2019

Lyrics No. 16

All I ever wanted was to find someone
But holdin' it together is the hardest part
No one said life gets in the way
That our plans may change but our hearts remain
You stand in the doorway holdin' me
Feeling the tension, you beg and plead
Not to go away again
And then she said

Every time you leave, I lose a little piece of me
And every time we speak, words don't do it justice
It's just us from here
Here, here
And that's when she said
Every time you leave, I lose a little piece of me

All I ever wanted was to find someone
But finishing the puzzle is the hardest part
Everyday wishin' you could stay
'Cause our minds may change but our hearts remain
You stand in the doorway holding me
Lost in the moment, I can't believe
You gotta go away again
And when I say

#lyrics #loss #pain #everything #love #begging #everytimeyouleave #iprevail

Philomena Oct 2019

2 am thoughts No. 15

You whisper behind the door
Its soft and almost non existent
Against the noise of the everyday world its drowned out
But at night when all is still I hear it

You ask me why
Ask me if it's too late
Ask me to try again
Tell me its sink or swim

And I'd love to tell you to shut up
Or get a better door
But there is a hint of reality in what you are saying
And it leaves me listening for more

#door #thoughts #2am #past