Sometimes we
Run into danger
When the
Truth seems stranger
Than fiction

Sigh

Sometimes I wake up out of breath
Questioning if I am living only for death
My bed holds bad dreams and demons
No peace comes when I am sleeping

Questioning if I am living only for death
I hate my life and I have nothing left
No peace comes when I am sleeping
Only thing keeping me sane is books

I hate my life and I have nothing left
I care for others more than I do myself
Only thing keeping me sane is books
My friends wear makeup and cute looks

I care for others more than I do myself
I can hardly stand getting out of bed
My friends wear makeup and cute looks
While I can't stomach my own reflection
Sometimes I wake up out of breath

-A Black Girl Untold

Did I figure it out?
I loved him more than I loved myself.
Everything I did was for him, because of him. Everything I did was to make him happy and what he wanted because I thought,
if he was happy, I’d be happy.
But that wasn’t the case, what made him happy didn’t make me happy. But I kept trying endlessly and didn’t understand,
but was more confused as to why we both weren’t happy together rather than why I, myself, wasn’t happy.

And it’s been 9 months...
9 months of mental and emotional turmoil,
9 months of confusion,
9 months of playing everything over and over again in my mind,
9 months of wondering why,
9 months since I’ve had moments of pure happiness.

There has been strides made, but stamina needs building yet. It takes time, practice, understanding, growth and patience to achieve.
But this,
Will take longer than 9 months to achieve.

Am I afraid to fall?
Or am I just in fear
Of unavoidable pain?

Love is the only sport
Where I won’t land on my feet.

When it rains look for rainbows
When its dark look for stars
Some people are just pure magic
You were the one that made me realize you aren't
Some people leave footsteps in your heart
You left me breathless
I found what I loved
Letting you in
Am I stuck in the past
In love with what could've been
But still all you left me with was a broken girl
And Bruises
Like lilacs beneath my skin