the ice filled
my esophagus
i couldn’t breathe
it froze my tongue
no words could exit
they touched
me with
their warm
wicked hands
memory fading
but tears rolling
down my cheeks
ever so softly

the countryside passing by gradually
from the windows in the car.
wind whistling.
he stops abruptly
parking the car at the side of the dirt road.
you both exit the vehicle.
he grabs you by your sweaty hands
and lifts you onto the roof of the car.
slowly, he pulls himself up as well.
you both stare at the cornfield
as the sun is setting
along the line of pine trees.
you just watch nature, calmly, quietly.
his hand touches yours and you lean
on his shoulder.
he kisses your forehead and you smile
brightly, seeing midnight stars in his
golden hour blue eyes.
he climbs down and lowers you
as the sun sinks
below the brush.
he walks over to the passenger side
where you sit for the drive.
he buckles you in and kisses your lips.
they taste like cherry chapstick.
he packs into the drivers seat and looks
over at you adoringly.
you return the same exact breathtaking look.
the car starts moving, just as
leisurely as before.
soon you both spot an open field
hidden in between millions of shrubs
and trees and freshly bloomed flowers.
his teeth glisten as he grins so widely.
your wild hair tamed by the halt of the engine
whispers “yes” to his childlike disposition.
you both book it out of the car
and bolt towards the field,
yelling and pretending to fly.
you get a head start and twirl like
a ballerina in the light of the early moon
with clouds forming circles around
her majestic beauty.
he comes up right behind you and scoops
you up and hugs you so tightly.
you break out of the hug and tackle
him to the dry grass.
you both roll around, laughing, giggling,
smelling pollen, acting crazy.
you both stop for a split second,
seeing fireworks explode and
specks of the new moon
in each other’s pupils.
clarity strikes you and you fall softly
onto his chest with a sigh of pure bliss.
he strokes your hair,
the motion of the movement of his fingers
soothes your heartbeat.
you could die happily at this moment.
but he hears the howl of a
coyote and perks up.
you both jump up with enough energy
to power a twelve ton truck.
you race to the red jeep parked on the side
of the dusty road.
breathing heavily, you pack
into the automobile.
frightened, you turn to him
and you both burst out laughing,
throwing your heads back cackling like crows.
perhaps, you were afraid in that moment
but nothing allays you
better than him and his confident mentality.
once more, the engine restarts
and the road behind you grows
smaller and smaller,
the moon above sparkling,
leaving spots on the car where she shines
down on you.
she knows, she knows, she knows,
he loves you
to the moon and all the way back to earth
a thousand billion times

young kids are always afraid of the dark
in their closest, the monsters under their beds
and when they grow up, that never actually goes away
we just realize there’s more darkness in the people around us
than in our childhood bedrooms

stuck, writing about every person i come across
my friends, old ones, new ones
excerpts from movies that make me remember why love only exists in the grasp of the cinema
or in the manipulated minds of fourteen year old girls enthralled by the greek godlike men onscreen
confined, writing about people i wish i were, people i talk to on a daily basis
i exercise my brain so i can make it all go away, so i can write about the next person i see
maybe next time, someone will write about me

a familiar chirp of a machine
a fever dream lodged into my lungs
buried underneath surface tension
enough to swallow a bus

a familiar whine of a machine
hollering like a tea kettle
ready to be placed onto the burner
so so loyal, ain’t it?

a familiar wail echoing in every room
clogging the circuit systems of the opinionated
brainwashing the center of gravity
coursing in these veins of mine

if you only call me a monster, the only trait you’re gonna get out of me is monster
and if you only call me a monster, then monster i will be