I have all my fingers,
The knife goes chop, chop, chop.

There's nothing poetic about the life I lead,
With feet like lead I tread and
Tread through halls of dread.

If I hit my fingers
My fingers will come off.

I trod and trod and trod,
Life is monotony and
The grind is ******.

If I hit my fingers
The blood will soon come out.

The world keeps whipping,
There is no relief and
Man is the thief.

But all the same we play this game,
That's what it's all about.

The priest keeps preaching,
The room spins, spins, spins and
I writhe in ecstasy with my sins.

You may not use a pen,
The only way is with a knife when
Danger is your friend.

Sometimes I think I was set up for a fall,
I could never even hope to have it all,
I don't know where to lay the blame,
Perhaps i'm sick with shame,
They are trying to get inside my head,
But worry not they will soon be dead,
I guess I never was and never will be,
It seems that not a soul can see me,
"Look here it comes," bow down in wonder,
It tears my mind and heart asunder,
I see blood so I must be insane,
And I hear prattle so inane,
It's all too much and I've had enough,
I'm not weak but I'm not that tough,
It's taken over me completely,
Death might come over me sweetly,
Maybe I should put the knife back on the shelf,
Or maybe I should just obey and **** myself.
I don't know.
It's just such a sly blow.

It's okay to stumble,
Try not to fall,
Dreams can be more,
You can have it all.

It's okay that you fell,
Just don't let it get darker,
Don't go back to hell,
That place is much starker.

You're in hell but it's fine,
You still have your life,
Just don't cross that line,
Please put down that knife.

It could be worse just clean up the blood,
Tell yourself not to die,
Pull down your sleeves and put up your hood,
Is your life not worth a try?

The pills are in you and the rope in your hand,
Your heart starts to pound,
It's not about hatred, life is so bland,
Next thing you know you're a foot off the ground.

A week later your sister is hungry,
Her belly starts to rumble,
She starves herself because she is angry,
Then next thing you know she starts to stumble.

Once I felt nothing but pain,
I had been without sense and insane,
I would carve my skin up like a pig,
Then you left and deep I had to dig,

I had to find the strength to be myself,
To find a way to reach beyond that top shelf,
You said it was too much but that's just you,
Albeit that seems normal I did not expect it from a friend so true,

At first it was a world of pain,
And yet for all that it did wane,
I learned to stand and fight,
My world changed in a movement so slight.

It would not be seen by naked eye,
Then you said "saturday, black tie."
And again, my world flipped,
My mind blew and my sense was stripped.

But how in the world could this be?
Perhaps it could be good to a tolerable degree.
It would seem that life is ever changing,
But life isn't something made for explaining.

Drip, drip, drip.
Something falls on the floor.
Something is loaded.

Click, it's a clip.
A hammering on the door.
Something exploded.

Skip, skip, skip.
Kids play outside, class is a bore.
"That's so gay," the older ones goaded.

Slip, it's a pistol grip.
Kids fight outside, it's all blood and gore.
"That's so gay." His sanity eroded.

Whip, whip, whip.
A prisoner screams, tell me more.
Broken, his ****** body corroded.

Flip, it's a jeep by the gaza strip.
It's not worth it, the leader's a *****.
The refugee food unloaded.

Lying here in pain, alone.
My mind has gone.
I want to be free,
Do you see a stonger person to be made of me?
There is nothing to gain,
So I'll hide behind the pillow to hide from the pain.
Because there is nothing to say,
I have long lost my way.
I was born meak and so I shall stay.
There is no way out,
From under this pain and doubt,
if I lay here I know,
There is nowhere to go but I will lay here and breathe to the rythem of the falling snow.
For the heart I once had and to the child forever dead,
I wish you eternal joy,
Even if it is just a personal ploy,
Time to get myself up to face another day.