I'm trying to learn that it's alright for people to find me
strange.
So often I am met with remarks of:
"I wish I could be as confident as you."
"I can't believe you're not scared to wear that."
"You didn't really say that to him...right?"
I don't feel confident.
I am scared.
I did say it.
I've regretted it since.
Oddities are a novelty until they surpass an acceptable monthly quota.
However,
I've found that habitual marijuana usage and
pretty white lines
can be a valid excuse for
strange behavior.
Each joint shared
Each liquor bottle opened
Increases the monthly quota by one.
You're allowed to be:
"Off."
"Eccentric."
"Weird."
If you're a substance abuser.
It's actually
expected
at times.
If I act too normal, I'll get
comments,
such as:
"Wow, I forgot you do drugs."
"Do you not need your meds anymore?"
"Have you thought your mania is just from all the ***?"
I didn't forget.
I do need them. I often don't take them.
And, sometimes.
But then I'll soberly proclaim to be the next Van Gogh and that my **** are nicer than
Mia Khalifa's.
(They're not.)
Regardless,
you can write off absurd behavior
if it occurs while
intoxicated.
I learned that younger
than I
should've.
It's harder to refute the confused glances
whispered jokes
when your head is
clear
but your
heart
is foggy.
"Let us know if [ ] scares you in the group chat;
you'll get used to her eventually."
"I hope we don't have to have this conversation again."
"She's hot, but she's kind of
crazy."
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.