One day I realized something:
That I love stars a lot
But they're so hard to find
(At least that's what I thought)
I traveled to the library
And I checked out lots of books
And read them all quite thoroughly
From there I went to look
That night was cold and windy
(I was unsure if I would stay)
But Cassiopeia then appeared
To me and showed the way
She showed me Ursa Minor
And Orion, standing strong
She showed me all the Milky Way
And I began to hear their song
The Seven Sisters called to me
And Pollux showed his light
Oh, there were many things I saw
That cold and windy night
I still love stars an awful lot
And above me I still look
I try to show the light I know
That they gave, and I then took

Sometimes you just miss her, don’t you?
not the way you normally miss someone,
No.

But in the way that the sky misses the sun,
when she leaves for the night.
when all light is gone,
and all that’s left is darkness once again.

She fell into your arms, didn’t she?
like water down the drain,
she washed away the mess and left greatness,
clear as day.

So, you held on to her, didn’t you?
like a father does a son,
but conflict rose, and thorns grew,
stealing away the petals,
as they fell to the ground.

You couldn’t hold onto her, could you?
not in the way a blacksmith can’t hold a flame,
but in the way the stars can’t hold onto the night,
coz someday, she will come back again.

I keep all my emotions
In a treasure chest
under the oceans
much to my unrest.
I squeezed them all in
and threw away the key;
may as well have been the bin
or the bottom of the sea.
No wonder I have none left
to wear on my face;
to fill this empty cleft
or give me lasting grace.
No, I have put them in lines
Through ink and paper
Through artistic designs
And through every stanza.

Her name was Sarah M. Walker
The M stands for Marie
And she didn't want to change her name
If she ever got married
She loved the smell of gentle roses
and the sound of melodic violins  
She captured her favorite moments with photographs
and always secretly wanted a twin
She always said her prayers at night
and deeply loved her mother
She wore her hair in cascading waves
and was never a good bluffer
She read all about her world and others
and admired every act of bravery
And if she ever had a daughter
She wanted to name her Avery
She cherished all her time alone
because herself was her best friend
Fascinated by the things
she could never fully comprehend
Her name was  Sarah M. Walker
The M stands for Marie
And she didn't want to change her name
If she ever got married

Maybe a month ago.
I would have thought about you.
& hoped all was well.
Well enough for me.
To be able to check in.
To a small motel.
That you hold close to your heart.
Which resides on the outskirts of your sleeve.
I mean after all.
We both know I can be classified as one.
An outsider that is.
Because its been much longer than a month.
Since I've been a nearby presence.
Or even a neighboring smile.
But more of a far-off memory.
That has been followed by absence.
& if it's anything like they say.
Absence somehow has a way.
Of making the heart grow fonder.
But that was a month ago.
..& my maybe was hypothetical.

Maybe yesterday.
I would have thought about you.
& found myself.
On the verge of saying hello.
Asking if everything was everything.
From school being school.
But it's something you love.
From your family being your family.
& they are everything you live for.
From work being work.
With it being something to just get you by.
Leaving love to be love.
Where you aren't looking.
But if it were to happen.
You wouldn't mind.
& I wouldn't mind that for you.
Because after everything.
That you've dealt with because of me.
& vice versa.
We both deserve that one day.
Just not from each other.
But that was yesterday.
..& my maybe was hypothetical.

Maybe tomorrow.
I will think about you.
& pray you think enough about me.
To send me a quick text.
Or a small email.
Where you tell me.
All the things.
I've thought of telling you.
Where you ask.
All the questions.
I find myself being to hesitate.
To ask you.
But there is nothing hesitate about you.
Your words are simple.
Your tone seems to be complex.
& I find that you are asking me a favor.
That I know I will have to commit.
No response.
No reaching out.
Just giving you time.
To think for yourself.
& find all the pieces that have become ajar.
But that is tomorrow.
..& my maybe is hypothetical.

Maybe a few years from now.
I will think about you.
& time will have healed.
Just like.
All the voices I hear around me.
Said it would.
& from there.
I can meet you for coffee.
Or maybe even tea.
Where we can show each other pictures.
Of the babies we went half on.
Without you or I.
Being the other half we thought we'd be.
You named your boy Hayden.
While I named my girl Riley.
Knowing those were the names.
We picked for ours.
But we aren't bothered.
Because we are happy.
We are loved.
We are where we are meant to be.
But that is a few years from now.
..& my maybe is hypothetical.

Maybe a month ago, I would’ve hoped.
Maybe yesterday, I would’ve said hello.
Maybe tomorrow, I will pray.
Maybe a few years from now, I will heal.
But today is today.
& you are under the same roof as me.
About thirty feet away.
Where you know I'm here as well.
So you wait until I'm watching.
To smile & laugh.
Make jokes & take phone calls.
& pretend you are just amazing.
Now that I'm not there.
Which makes me show no emotion.
Tell everyone I don't care.
Because if I say it long enough.
I'm bound to eventually believe it.
But what I do believe.
Is that today is a vicious cycle.
With no maybes.
..& nothing about it is hypothetical.