Baby,
I know you love me
I feel it
As your body sways
Every word,
Every touch
Attempted to break these walls
At first it was bliss
What once felt fun,
Free
Now feels foreign
I don’t want to be here
I can’t be here
I’m sorry

I don’t need love in my life,
If i can’t love you,
No, I don’t need this heart,
If it won’t even beat for you
And I don’t really want to feel,
If i can’t feel you.

I’m scared as f*ck
to want you.

But here
I am,

Still wanting you
anyway.

I still remember the last time I saw you
and I remember the day I realized
it was really over

but life goes on, as things do
however, I still find myself
thinking about you

I’ve seen other people,
I’m sure you have too
but still, I really, truly do
myss you

Life can be tough, when it feels like you're walking your path alone.
The problems of your past can make it hard to let anyone in.
It maybe okay to be a lone wolf sometimes, but does it make you happy?
No one to talk to, to make you smile or to make you laugh can make this world a lonely place to live.
Are you lonely by choice or are you scared to let yourself feel vulnerable?
Is it better to have the emotional capacity of a robot or to be an open book?
Some people say you're born alone and die alone, but who says you have to live alone?
Who do you create memories with?
You are unique and your perfect match is out there.

i am convinced i need the approval of a man to be validated as beautiful. i believe i need men to give my body attention because they won’t like what’s beyond that. i have a strong personality and firm opinions but am willing to push that aside to be praised for my looks. i don’t believe i’m beautiful so i seek the attention of men who will say i do even if all they want to reveal what’s beneath the clothes. i am more inclined to offer my body because it has tougher skin than my heart. revealing my skin is much easier than voluntarily offering up the vulnerability of my feelings.

Skin so soft, like a baby, smooth to the touch
I love to sit and run my fingers up and down your back, or your arm, or anywhere really.
But your not a baby, you’re a man
A man who knew hardship and struggle
long before you knew what it was to enjoy the finer things in life.

My heart jumped and my eyes could not look away from you the first time we met.
With your shirt off on a hot summer day,
your smooth skin enticed me before I even knew who you really were.

And here I sit two years later, thinking back on that first day
When our love had just began, how much I already loved you in those first few moments.

And I wonder, how can one man be so **** good?
You never raise your voice or berate me,
you only show your undying love for me.

And maybe that’s why I so often push you away,
because Ive never known a love so pure.
Ive never had one man, or person for that matter, love me so wholly the way you do.

I couldn’t imagine my world without you,
yet I never fail to let you know how much better my life would be without you in it.
Maybe I don’t know how to love, or maybe I don’t want to be loved,
Maybe I want you and everyone else to hate me, just as I hate myself to my very core.
I pray everyday that I can be as women as you are man.
That I can wear my heart on my sleeve as you do.

That I can tell you my real feelings,
that I can tell you, you are my world.

But then you would know,
And I would be left open like a book, and vulnerable.
Maybe one day, when I'm ready of course, I’ll let you in and let you fully see who I really am
One lost soul among a million, tainted and imperfect.

Until then I love you more than you can know, even though I never let those emotions show.
I love you, I do.