I just want to be a light in your life.

Society says

Don't cry;
That's weak

Don't talk about pain
That's selfish

Don't be smart
That's nerdy

Don't talk much
That's annoying

Don't be yourself
That's stupid

Be delightful,
Everyday is a gift,
Don't take it for granted,
Put it to use.

I
am
Depressed
I am
and I feel down a lot
I don't even know why
but I do
but when he's there
somehow everything seems to be okay
somehow he makes everything okay again
somehow his presence makes me feel safe
makes me feel happy again
and thats why!!!
THAT IS WHY!!!
that is why i can't let go
that is why I just can't let him slip away
why i will never give up on him
why I will defend him over anyone
he's the only one that has been there for me through everything
helped me through everything
always made time for me
even when he was super busy
I can't let him go
not now
not ever
I
I just can't
He means everything
And
he is the only one that makes everything seem okay again
he makes me happy
genuinely happy
safe
and smiley
like nothing is ever wrong
he makes every bad feeling go away
And I can't just let that go
I can't
it would be like letting my happiness go
He makes me happy
Genuinely Happy

I find it kinda strange
How everything
Seems to be working out
Lately

I'm not used to this kind of happiness
Something usually bad happens
That causes me to not stay happy
But right now
I genuinely am
Happy

I don't really know
What to think
What to feel
Because nothing seems
To be wrong

It's not what I'm used to
I'm used to pretending
Used to faking a smile
And hanging out with people
That don't make me
Feel that wanted
Used to being just okay

Now everything different
Is changed
For the better
It's a good change
But I'm not used to it
It feels weird
But I'm happy
Genuinely

So this is what it feels like
To be happy
Genuinely happy

I'm resting my head
On your chest
My hand on your shoulder
Your arm around me
Playing with my hair
Gently stroking it
Helping me fall asleep
Your other hand
Holding onto my arm
gently moving your thumb
Up and down
Your chin on my head
I can hear your heart beat
Your arms tightly round me
Holding me
Making me feel safe and happy
Genuinely happy
Even though it was the worst sleep
I've ever had
Because of the little space we had in the tent
It was one of the best sleeps
Just because you were there
You move and your cheek is pressed against mine
I can feel your breathe on my neck
You moved your hand into my sleeping bag
And pull my top
And gently rub my back
Because I'm almost in tears
With how sore my stomach is
I giggle quietly cause it tickles on my side
It starts to get cold
So I move closer to your chest and you hold me tighter
You're dreaming
A nightmare possibly
Sounds like your crying
My arm isn't on you anymore
You make a weird noise
And I pull you closer to me
And you seem to feel better
It's cute really
You felt better with my arm around you
Just like I did
Continue stroking my hair
As I fall gently asleep on your chest
Feeling the steady rhythm
Of your heart
And hearing your heavy breathing pattern
And you light airplane sounding snore
From you being sick
Slowly falling asleep
In each other's arms
Happy
And safe