I seem to be having
An existential crisis
I feel as though
I am lost
Not physically --But rather
Emotionally--
I am not whole
Rather, pieces of me
Are missing
Why? Well--because
I gave them all away
To past lovers
Or partners--
Look!
He has a piece
And so does she
And **** so do they
In the corner
All of you
You have pieces of me,
I need them back!!
I'm not me
Without them
Oh--- but there aren't refunds
On souls, or love, or time--
They're gifts
And I gave most of mine
Away
And now---I'm empty
I'm lost, I'm incomplete
Oh god--
I have no
Identity

Stretching out, my palms
Are swaying in the wind
Like leaves of palms like
Leaves of trees
That are my palms
And off they go like kites
Like leaving calm
And making way for grinning madness
And its widening smile

she is bitter
I can see
I follow
as she walks again to the dark back of the building
where breaks are allowed
she attacks her cigarette
******* the smoke and hurling it out at the cold night air
our way is silence
now she knows how well I hide it
she knows I know
as our minds join at the top of her rising smoke
we await midnight
where our bittersweet passion
will find it's home

Making me believe I was unworthy
This was the most unkindest cut of all
Wanting to please, I gladly take the fall
Shamed to the core, I feel deeply *****
Seeking self-acceptance, I take love’s journey
I cling to the shadows, feeling most appalled
Making me believe I was unworthy
This was the most unkindest cut of all
Can I forgive and show myself mercy?
And not hit my head against the hard wall?
I long for the light, still I feel *****
Making me believe I was unworthy
This was the most unkindest cut of all

Kelly Rose
© March 1, 2018

I've looked bad but felt good
I've looked good but felt bad
I've looked bad and felt bad
I've looked good and felt good

I've failed so many times I can't count
I've learned so much I can't find individual moments

I have gradually increased

But I am finding myself

I am finding the confidence to strut out of my dorms like I'm walking on the runway
I have found myself so sad my body has become immobile

I am growing stronger

Physically. Mentally. Spiritually.

I am finding God in the most random moments, but when I do it is glorious

I find myself alone too often
I find myself feeling alone too often
I find myself hiding too often

I'm ready to let my potential loose
And become the lion I am meant to be