She looks so deep,
deep as the dark blue sky full of stars,
shining in the middle of the night.

They were burning,
crystal clear like a diamond,
glimmering and trying to touch your heart.

"I felt the cold yet I feel more warm.
In the middle of the night,
I know I fell asleep in your arm."

She speaks freely, like how the universe
speaks to me. And she knows every language,
and always say them beautifully.

Oh how can you be so lucky,
free falling to a star, dust free.
Wishing to someone like a dear fairy.

I hope you see how wide her world is,
how you could lost track of time in it.
I hope you see how beautiful she is.

How she live to lighten them up
everytime the world began to darken.
And how bright her fragile heart is.

There is a whole galaxy inside her,
lots of world rotating in her
and lots of things surrounding her.

But she always love how people
get excited about the stars.
How they admire her, she felt appreciated.

Even in a million star shining above,
you can find her shining
brightest than the other.

Because of her heart is pure,
and she can loves you with a promise.
Promise of forerver love in her heart.

Know that no matter how far you are,
she will always be with you. There
Up above, shining brightly and watching you.

In silence I found myself screaming,
hands shaking and my heart's pounding.
It is more than pain, more than emotions
that kills me inside. I knew this will happen.

After everything I've been through
I thought I already understand.
Things that I know will never happen,
thing I should have accepted years ago.

I'm in pain. So much pain that it hurts
more than words, more than tears
and more than anything my voiceless
heart could ever feel. It cuts deep.

It was me who wanted to see those,
It was me who wished for it.
But why does it feels like I poked
at my own heart. Why?

I have  watched how the sun set and
leave the day to let the moon rise at night.
The burn it leaves to its body and
letting the cold night heals them.

I've seen it so many times that
I already lost my count.
Many times and in may ways,
I know I shouldn't have done it.

I shouldn't wish for the sweet young
moon to meet the burning sun.
Where in the first place they weren't
supposed to cross their path.

I shouldn't let the moon see how
the sun's shines brightly without her.
I shouldn't make her feel she's
not needed for him to burn.

Maybe I should have accepted
how ironic the real world is.
That it makes one of them set
to let the other one rise.

How hard it is to see that it needs to
die beautifully to let the other
rise brightly. And so to the other one
for them to continue to live.

Maybe that's how playful the
universe is. That it makes them
need one another but fated to
never meet in their parallel world.

Maybe it's time to accept the fact
and end my wishful thoughts
that one day or one night, the world
will realize that they were fated together.

For it will never happen,
for it shouldn't have happened.
I should have known what they are,
should have seen what they're not.

So close and yet so far.
So close to reach their hands
but so far to embrace their arms.

Life might be too ******* us, as we always think. We always complain for the things we have to face and overcome, for the dissatisfaction and the things we can't always have. But, I guess it's just trying to teach us something important. I've just realize that the easier things to achieve the complicated our life might be. You see, if we will never learn how to push ourselves, to get out of our comfort zone, to make sacrifice, to believe and have faith or to do something we thought we can't but we did, we will never learn the value of something. It might be the value of someone to us, the value of their efforts, the things they do to get wherever they are right now, the importance of time we have while we're living or simply the value of life.

We will never learn how to be stronger, to be wiser. We might never have the chance of meeting the better version of us if everything was easy. And most importantly, if everything will be easy for us to get then everything will also be easy to be taken away from us. Life wants us to grow and learn every single time it throws us challenges or opportunity rather. An opportunity to extend ourselves and learn  or think more out of the box.

Be brave, be kind and always look forward to the good things. We never lose. If you made it, it will be an achievement and if you fail, consider it as a lesson that you have learned along the process. Sometimes we just need to learn things in a hard way, we will never fully understand the ways of life. But whatever it is, it's always about the choice that we make today that will lead us to where we will be tomorrow.

The most important lesson that I have learned is "The best part of learning is not when we are being taught, instead it is when we start to discover"

And wow, just like that, look how growth finally say hi to me.

I've been holding back the tears
For years and trying to be strong
enough to hold this for so long.

Try to smile and understand
every situation just not to disturb
and cause any trouble to anyone.

And then that night I burst into tears
for I cannot hold it anymore,
and then he asked worriedly..

"Why are you crying?"

I keep on crying and crying,
heavily, I barely breath, then all I can say is,
"I don't know if you do understand me"

My tone sounds begging
for him to finally understand me,
the pain he unconsciously putting on me

And then he answered,

"Babe, I do understand you,
I just don't know what to do"

Now I don't know which
hurts me more,

The thought of he does not
actually understand the pain
that I am going through,

Or the fact that he knows
about it but doesn't care that much
that left him nothing to do

Enough with these games,
enough with those lies.
I've done enough my whole life,
I've been patient enough to
listen with your excuses.

I can see them all, the truth,
the fact and the reality of everything
So stop those sweet excuses
and apologetic eyes you always do.

Let me do this at least now,
something you cannot do for me.
Let me save myself from this
torture that slowly killing my soul.

Let me make you feel how careless,
and how insensitive your heart is.
That you let it close while
your eyes are wide opened.

Let me make you put in this place,
where my mouth keep shutted to
protect you. For you not to get hurt
even in return it will be me who will suffer.

Feel the every inch of the pain
that flows inside my veins.
The unbearable agony of waiting
and the tears I keep forever holding.

This nightmare which I believe
a dream for a long time.
That I forgot I wasn't even sleeping
So i was dying....