It was then I realized I was drinking to fill the gaps between now and death, and I was smoking to make those gaps shorter, and I ****** for distraction, because living without you wasnt even living, it was just waiting.

I am a little boy screaming at the world to love me
To hug me
To accept me
When i cant find a way to accept myself
I hide from the world
and from myself
Buried in emotions i cant comprehend
When so many flood my mind and blur my vision and all i need is escape
A solitary moment i can hold in time to just make everything stop
To stop making lists in my mind about whats wrong with me, and whats wrong with the world
Why i can never forget, even for a secondx how much better everyone is than me
A toxic reaction spews forth from my thoughts slicing the character of others, pointing out their failures and stupidity so im not alone with my own inadequacies
Ive been told hate is a powerful word, but ive abused it to the point that all i ever need is another fix fro my broken mind. I hate you for what youve got, i hate the world for what its not, and i hate myself more then i could ever explain or hope to understand. There is a volcano inside me, fiery hot rage ready to spew all over innocent bystanders, exposing my self loathing with incendiary wit derived from knowing i aint ****

the time spent wishing my past was written in pencil
cause this permanent marker ain't cutting the ties that wrap around my throat like tentacles from the darkest parts of my mind choking out all the light with the suction of a black hole, or my mothers love that shined so bright through those beautiful lips, but fell short with action.

You came in a dream, dripping with beauty
I approached you confidently, bold as I dare.
We smiled and held a gaze, eternity sparked and ended,
but before it left
it ignited an inferno of desire between us both.
In a dimly lit room, opening obscured only by a thin tattered sheet,
we embraced our passion
Holding our innocence together so tight.
It burst through our grasp
I smile, staring down to meet your eyes as you laid back,
Breaking contact only to admire your parts individually
Painting every inch of your exposed skin with my eyes.
Claiming you as mine, and giving you every bit of myself
I lift the hem of your dress just above your knee and leave a light kiss just below your thigh.
Then I awake to the memory of you that will slowly fade away.