My ****** cross falls with speed, neck to blade, death to me. "Thou shall not take your name and use it in vain!" Now the final test becomes apart of my name, inside of my vein, and you can use this to your POWER, under your knife, "END THE PAIN"... It's just a game in your world, in my misery, pain, anguish, and DEATH, "One short breath". One more lie to lie to, to end the pain to, to stop the game to, to end the anguish in your world, with my vein and my game, with my knife, to end my life.

Take me back
To the place I was before
Back to the time
When our love was so sure.
Take me back
To who I used to be
Back to the time
To when we were happy.
Take me back
To that beautiful night.
When all I ever wanted
Was for you to hold me tight.
Take me back
Before the sorrow
Take me back
Today or tomorrow.
When ever it is
That you'll take back my heart
Put it together
For I've torn it apart.
Pull me fast
And take me far,
Just please
"Take me back to the stars."

I cry everyday thinking of you.
I can't sleep at night because every time I close my eyes, I see your face.
I cut myself trying to cause more pain, than what my heart is already in.
My chest is heavy and my heart beats in an irregular way.
I look at your picture and I can not breathe.
I read the letters you gave me and fight not to **** myself after every word.
I went on your myspace today and read the comments from girls who said how beautiful you are, and how beautiful your eyes are...
Those used to be mine.
All I can do is think of you.
Kayla was the quickest fix the night you broke my heart again... Although I did deserve it.
Lesbian *** and drugs were the only thing that kept me alive that night.
The drugs were never strong enough.
The cuts are never deep enough.
I can't pretend to be happy for much longer.
Derrick makes me happy, but "every time he kisses my lips, I taste your mouth, and every time he pulls me in, I feel disgusted with myself."
Every time I love him, I want to call out your name.
I'm sick of being in so much pain. I want to stop dreaming of you every night and waking up in tears and sweat.
I want to tell my mom that I'm ok, and actually mean it.
I want to tell myself that I don't love you anymore,
But that would just be one more lie.
I used to stare at you from across the courtyard at lunch, or go a specific way to class just to run into you.
I used to tell all of your friends about how much I miss you
Hoping they would tell you.
I tried everything to make you want me back.
I tried jealousy at the mall,
Even offering you my body once more,
But you made it clear you don't love me anymore.
Remember that day you walked me home and Mandy told you that I still cut?
And remember what you asked me: "What, does Derrick not make you happy enough?"
I never told you the truth in my answer.
Though Derrick had much to do with my sadness,
It was really because I can't have you.
You were my life, my love, my reason to stay alive. You were the only good thing in my life... And now you're gone.
And I know it's all my fault.
I still blame myself for your suicide attempt.
I broke your heart too many times and I'll never forgive myself for what I put you through.
Gina told me something yesterday that made me realize how stupid I am, and how stupid I was.
She said that in every relationship, there will be a test of love. A test of how strong I can be... And I failed you.
She told me about how for her, there was another guy making advances toward her while her and Brad were dating, and she almost broke up with Brad for him!
But she didn't. And now they are married.
My test came by the name of Cory.
It happened the same way as Gina's test; Her and Brad were having problems when the other guy showed up, and you and I had a lot of problems too when Cory came into my life.
Gina was strong and didn't give in. But I was stupid and gave you up for him.
And I had to realize that I'll always love you.
But you have finally stopped loving me. And now I'm too late.
And now my life is a huge lie,
Filled with quick fixes that only make things worse.
I want to accept the fact that you and I will never be,
But I think that the only way that will ever happen is after my death.
Maybe I take too many pills.
Maybe I cut one millimeter too deep.
Maybe after I finally put an end to it all;
The lies, the drugs, the alcohol, the cuts, the pain,
Maybe then, I'll stop loving you.

Until then, my love.
I shall rot away in this body
Killing myself one day at a time.

I'll love you forever,
Amanda.

I know who you are,
I know what you hide,
I know what you do,
But I can't understand why.
I know the truth,
About the drugs,
I know the names,
of the men you ******.
I know you're back
in rehab too,
And this is why,
I'm done with you.
I know you lie,
You've lied to me.
A thousand times now,
It's plain to see.
You take care of kids,
That aren't even yours.
Yet, you're not a mother,
Behind closed doors.
You're "The ****"
That sleeps around.
"The one" they say
"who's been around town."
The one who cheats,
On the ones she "loves",
The one who's sent many babies,
To our god above.
I know the truth
About that too
Kidney stones?
Yea, caused by who?
These are only
Just a few
Of the things I wish
I could say to you.

The world between what I know
And what I want
Is the most horrible place
Filled with haunted dreams
And scattered nightmares
Along with dreaded hidden truths.
Ones that stab you in the face
And scream
OPEN YOUR EYES
LOOK AROUND
Even though you wish you could sew yours shut
And fall asleep
Forever.
Only to awaken in another world
Where you're with your "Prince Charming"
At the alter
In a white gown.
You blink
And you're right back in your world
Where you get thrown on your ***
And hurt
But you have to put up with it
And make these decisions all alone
And learn from your mistakes
But I don't want to be here anymore.

The lies eating through my flesh
Burning in my eyes
He can see them
I don't want to hurt.
I don't want to hurt him.
His heart is so fragile
And it lies in my hands
He will never understand
How I can call him my friend
But to me, he's so much more.
Two years with him
He will never see what it meant to me
It means nothing to him
Equal to nothing in his eyes
He's just a boy
And I was just his "play thing".
What happened to forever?
He took it back.
But now I found someone
To promise it again
But I still think back to him
The one that took "forever" away
The very next day
So I turned to him for help
Yet now I lie to him
To hide the questions, tears and days
When I call him and say
How much I've missed him
His face, his voice
And the way he gets distracted so easily.
And how much I still love him.
But then my mind starts to wander
And I go into my distorted daydreams
Back and forth between
The love we made
And the pain it caused...
The pain I caused.
Thinking of his body
Every inch and curve of his beautiful figure.
The way I memorized his face
The shape of his lips...
How soft they are when they touch mine.
The pictures make me shake
And yet I can't look away
Yet the one who loves me so,
Trusts me so fully
But these lies I tell him
They burn through my skin
They show in my eyes
Eating away at the flesh in my heart
I'm choking on my words
I don't want to hurt him
But I don't want to hurt anymore.

With all the mistakes that I've made,
This is the one I'm sorry for most,
It's carried with me, the pain I feel,
Haunting me like a ghost.
Every time I hear your voice, you can still say,
That you love me, and you think of me every single day.
But the pain, it won't die down,
The band aids are not enough,
I'm just about sick of myself,
Just about given up.
Because every time I hear your voice,
I still want to say,
That I love you too and I think of you every single day.
But then I remember our tragic end,
And how I asked you to be my friend,
And how then I watched you cry,
And even almost saw you die...
But now I want to hold you close,
Kiss your lips and love you most...
But the things I did,
The things we said,
The nights I cried beside my bed,
Would never compare to the pain I caused,
The many lives that I have crossed.
It's much too late to turn back now,
Even if I could, I wouldn't know how.
I'm not so sure, on what to do,
But I'll never give up - give up on you.

But with all the mistakes that I've made,
This is the one that I regret,
This is the one I'll NEVER forget.
The simple truth of first TRUE love,
Is that well never forget each other's hug,
Each other's kiss, each other's touch,
The way we loved each other so much...
And still do.
The way I dream of still spending
The rest of my life with you.
The nights I still cry,
The days were I lie,
to the one I gave you up for.
But with everything I've done,
To you, my love,
I'm so so sorry.

Because with all of the mistakes that I've made,
This is the one I'm sorry for most:

Saying goodbye.