My stars have all been crossed
Faded and wrong
It wasn't supposed to be this way
I am not supposed to be her.

I took the wrong fork
At the crossroads.

It smells like magic
To blow out a candle
Memories float from the wick
And noatalgia mixes in the air.

Dreams of a different time
Flood back as the vapors
Enter my nostrils.

I used to believe in things,
An enchanted world.

It reminds me of late nights
Alone in my childhood wasteland,
Dreaming and waiting...

The smoke dances
And I swear I can see
A future,
One that was supposed to be.

I can taste it in my mouth,
Ash is all that is left.

We carved our initials
Over each other's hearts
****** and raw
I thought we'd last forever.

But your's faded
Over my heart
And you in my mind.

From time to time
When I really try
I can still see ghosts of white lines
In certain slants of light.

I wonder if mine have faded
Over your heart
Or if I am still on your mind.

When I was little
I would hide for hours
Anxiously awaiting
Someone to come find me.

Excitement built as I waited
And wondered what people would feel
When they discovered me gone
Sadness?
Terror?
Desperation to find me?
Would I be showered in affection
When found unharmed?

But no one ever came
And I tried of my game
Much sooner
Than anyone missed me.

Sometimes, I still hide.

Instead of mere hours,
Days and weeks will go by...

As my resolve to wait
For someone to miss me strengthens,
The world notices I am gone
Much, much less.

I no longer want to give up
And reveal myself.

I want someone to find me.

Talking about things
Makes them real
And that's why
I just don't.

Speaking of my inner horrors
Brings them to life
With gnashing claws
And rotted teeth.

Pushing them back
Bottling it all up.

No one else deserves my suffering.

I knew it
Before you uttered
A single word.

And I knew it
Before the words
Even formulated
in your head.

And sometimes
Its even worse
Because I knew it
Before you did.

But I ******* knew it.

With each sip,
Your bitter lies
Become more evident.

But I'll bite my tounge
And as rust and whiskey mix
I'll take another sip.

The truth burns
On the way down
As I constantly swallow it.

This empty bottle is full
Of things I'll never say to you.