i would love to be
skinny, pretty with a little
bit of fierceness
but why do i look
as if i wasn’t good enough

never the brainy
nor the beauty
i was always a second
choice, chance,
or even a lead in my life
i never became my own
because people
kept being too good

they kept stepping on
what i do
and they do better
i was an average asian
looking a little bit rosy tan
with a hint of korean spice
by my eyes
who was envied by others
but good-looking eyes didn’t
stand out
because makeup kept
shattering the concept
of natural beauty

we were all being fake
to the society full of hidden truths
they showcased
thin-*** bodies
abused by strict diets
and pressure
full of greed.

the scars of tomorrow will forever
be see through on my skin
the dark circles on my eyes
where i stayed up all night crying
but i knew somehow
that after winter there’s spring
after the coldness there is the warmness of you

and when millions of arrows are
aiming on me I know
i’ll never ever back out
because i’ve been real
catching the stars above
gave me my shield
and the ocean waves
became my kingdom

you showed me a different way of life
you showed me how to love myself
because you gave me the best
of you and
that’s the only
reassurance
that i
will ever
need

your curves are **** beautiful
your legs that show tiger marks
your thighs that were created by streaks of waves
the arms and calves build with love

they are criticized
judged by the eye of everyone
hello? is this fat?
*** that’s gross
they say
avoiding contact with
the realistic things
words do cut deeper than knives
and the thoughts were too cruel running
in my veins me being fed

so i changed
ate a little
starved myself
commitment to such
self abuse
being embarrassed of
how the curves of my body shapes me
why oh why?
who are you now
now i’ve got
bruises forming everywhere
on my body
scarring my pale tan skin
or should i describe it
as ash gray dead?

never would’ve thought that every words
that build up in my mind
became so life threatening
how they slay my emotions
and torture me
with pressure

sorry dear self for making you suffer
trying to fit in the wrong crowd
taking all these diets and pills
to make myself gorgeous
but in the end
the smile begun to fade
dark circles started to show up
and my perfect days were daunted
by the sickness of me,
anorexia.

a little while ago
i knew you
from an old song
sang by my friends
voices magestic like the sky
and lyrics painful as hell beneath
changing my life
spilling the glass of
water
that couldn’t be undone
i fight for you,
you battle for me,
there is no winning
in a person who
doesn’t want to win

you were all a part of a sky
and i was just a mere ****
of the grounds on earth
will i ever reach you?
fly to you?
enter the magic shop?
hope for someone
when at i’m at my lowest
or even swam the purple crowds
cheering on your master piece
as you produce rhythm
of gorgeous tones

i’m lost of words
knowing that the words
the lingers on your mouth
were reality
crashed upon you
at an early life

you gave me the best of me,
now i shall give you the best of you
blooming a dream
that someday could be reality
imagining holding each other
being selflessly happy
not caring about a single
thing in this world

i do love you,
but you were so up the sky
so hard to reach
and i’m so
down
the
earth

maybe one day i could fly to you
i will always find you as my euphoria
the epiphany today
and the truth untold
to my fake love
to thy
self