Years in the past
The years have flown by.
Memories have faded
Feelings are lost.
I have chosen to forget the precious memories,
And keep the bad ones.
I had hated him ever since the split.
Because I thought it was his fault,
He fought with my mom,
He fought with his dad
He even fought with me.
But I later learned that he knew more than I did.
My mom took me away without even telling me,
I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
4 years later,
I got over it.
I took what life threw my way
5 years later,
I almost never even thought about him.
6 years later,
He was never mentioned,
He was like a fly on the wall.
7 years later,
I come home from school.
And learn that he is dead.
My brother, a strong person, a person who I never thought would do this.
Overdosed.
I never even got to say goodbye.
That is the one thing I will never forgive him for.
How could a guy like him,
Do this
To us.

I used to be like that
I used to be the teacher's pet
I used to have good grades
And I used to be perfect
But then, I went to middle school.
I met kids that turned my innocence against me.
I wasn't like that
I wasn't the teacher's pet
I never had good grades
And I wasn't perfect.

But then again, no one is perfect.

Friends have love-hate relationships.
Friends stick up for you even if it means they look stupid
Friends will laugh at you when you trip over your own feet,
Only because they know how much of a goof you are, and they love you for it.
Your friends know when you're sad because they know you when you're happy.
Your friends joke around when you mix up your words because they do it too.
Your friends give you random, and sometimes creepy, hugs, because they don’t know if it will be the last one or not; and they want you to know how much they absolutely love you.
You friends also give you random gifts, and then you feel bad because you didn’t think about it fist; and you have nothing to give them back but your comfort.
Friends hold the delicate thing that runs your body, your heart.

Mean girls,
They steal you from your dignity,
They steal your personal respect for yourself.
They break you down.
And never build you up.
They are full of themselves,
They don’t give a crap about you
Or anyone else for that matter.
They are not people you want to be friends with,
And definitely someone you do not want to be.
I was them once, and I hurt the people I loved.
I didn’t care,
I broke others down;
Because I was broken myself.
They don’t honor their promises,
And that's why they rarely ever make promises.
They tell you that your not good when you were terrific.
They tell you that you're not pretty, but then again, all of the guys ask you out.
They tell you that your clothes are old.
But, somehow you spent a fortune on them at all of the “popular stores”
And you used all of your hard earned money because your parents aren’t like their parents, you have to earn the things you want.
They get whatever they want, because their spoiled.
You don’t get everything you want because your parents are wise, and they don’t want you to be like those girls.

You are saying I am cruel
I bet you even care
Yes I am rude and also somewhat mean
Because I am a thunderous sea trying to calm the hurricane of your betrayal going inside me
You think I don't know
that you're the one spreading the rumors
Thank you for sharing with the world your opinion of me

I was not like this before
You loved me, you stood up for me
Making my already hard life somewhat nice
It's you who forced my mind
To shut the windows of my demons
but then, they finally convinced you.
these people, you call your friends.
stole me from my happiness and rid you of your love for me.
and from that day on I have thanked you, for making me a stronger person, for making me hate you, for making my life; a living hell.

Be the light in the world, they say.
But how can I be a light, when it feels so dark?
How can I be a light when all I do is burn out?
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick goes the dark
Tock goes my dignity
Tick goes the light
Tock, it burns out
Watching the hours go by,
Watching my life fall out of line.
The timeline does not exist for
I haven't found it yet.
Am I not fit for the job?
Do I not have the potential?
Am I not good enough?
I roll out of bed, get dressed, put on some makeup;
So at least I can be seen in public.
I go to school.
I hang out with the kids that aren’t like me because at least, I am not alone.
I eat lunch with those people because at least, I don’t sit alone.
Those people made me someone who I am not, and someone I am not proud of.
Those people I call my friends, don’t see me as who I am, only as who they want me to be; and that’s enough for them.
Those people I call my friends, don’t care, they don’t understand, they don’t see, they don’t look.  For the person who I really am.
I want to be a light, but it feels too dark for me to shine
at least a little bit.

A couple months later

I don’t hang out with those people I used to call my friends.
Because I found my light, I have chosen to be me, and not them.
I have chosen to follow my heart instead of my mind.
I have chosen not to be a fool.

Being a girl is a blessing and a curse.
Being a girl means, you are underestimated, looked down upon.
Being a girl. Means, in this worlds eyes, you are small, you can’t do it, you are weak.
Why can’t girls, just be girls?
Why do we have to be looked down on because we are a different gender than the guys?
What makes us different from the guys?  
Our hair?
our different body parts?
our different likes and dislikes?
Why can’t we just be ourselves?
Everyone says that a girl can do anything a guy can do, but they don't act like it.

Eyes. they sparkle, glimmer, and glow like a sunset in the evening.
Eyes. they tell of personality and character.
Eyes. they store your past your present and your future.
Eyes are like a winding tunnel leading deep into your soul.
Your eyes are like a compass leading you in the right direction.
They hold grudges and devotion.
They never let go of delight or agony.
Your eyes fall in love even when you are not aware.
Your eyes cry rivers of heartache and passion.
Some people's eyes guide their heart
And for some, they guide their actions.
Eyes remember
And eyes forget
Eyes. they hold on, even if you want to let go.

Words are bigger than actions.
Words fill the silence.
Words burdon, remorse, and dismay.
Words uplift, encourage, and brighten.
Words are bigger than actions.
You may throw a punch, but calling someone a name leaves a permanent scar.
Scars, they stay forever.
Scars, remind us of the unforgettable.
Scars, no matter how much you try and change them, they never go away
Change, it cuts us, it loves us, and it holds us.
Change is a closed door ready to be unlocked.
Change drives people
insane
In love
And
In sadness

Laughter is our source of happiness,
Our happiness is the source of other people's laughter.
It seems as if we have a process of creating laughter;
I tell a joke and smile, you laugh and smile even brighter.
You stop.
but when we look back into each other's eyes, it brings the laughter back.
And you beam.
But then there's a twist to the story;
I tell a joke and smile, no one hears, I say it again yet no one hears again.
Its as if I'm invisible and no one sees the pain and heartbreak I caused for myself.
But if you couldn’t already tell, this is not about a joke, no this is a poem about invisibility, agony, and pain.
And no I’m not a depressed  kid that’s in writing club,
I don’t write my poems about my own experience, but of those who had experiences that are unbearable.
You see her crying but she is silent
You see him crying but he is also silent,
You walk over, tell a joke, hoping for a happy result.
laughter cannot heal pain,
But the pain will never hide laughter
Laughter fills the emptiness that holds you,
And laughter clutches the misery of your past.
You past leaves a permanent scar, and laughter, well it leaves different scars; laughter builds you up and glues you in place, in time, and in joy.
Laughter,
It is the color of your forever darkness.

I thought he was the one
I was wrong.
My parents told me I was singing the wrong song
That I needed to be strong
Not to hold on
But I didn’t listen.
I chased an impossible dream
I needed a different scheme.
My heart wanted to grasp someone,
Call them mine
But I couldn’t consign.
I broke him,
He broke me.
I wanted to flee,
These chains that held me
Why? Oh, why does this hurt?
I felt like dirt.
Sitting in my skirt
Waiting for him to arrive,
But he left me to survive
The wilderness haunting
And he didn’t mind flaunting,
That I needed him more than he needed me.
He knows he wasn’t the one, but he left me to figure out that by myself
He left my heart on top of the shelf.
For me to climb high trying to reach it,
But I was so lost that he wouldn’t preach it.
Why? Oh, why did he do this?
Why did he flirt?
When all he did was hurt.
Tell me why this happened?
Why did he flatten
My once beating heart
And rip it apart.
For the mistakes he made
That he will never aid
But yet he never triads
The love I had for him,
Back to me.
Tell me why; so I can understand, so I can heal, so I can learn.

To be free is to free others from their restraints.
To be accepted is to accept.
You have love running through your veins,
But it doesn’t reach your brain.
No one ever made a difference by being like the others
Being like others isn’t you; or her; or him;
You dance,
I sing.
The world doesn’t like to sin.
But when you look through the magnifying glass, all of that is just pretend.