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Was it easy to let go?
Was it easy to leave me drowning on my own?
Did you not feel anything?
Did you not feel like you were suffocating?
Because I did
Every step I took  it got harder to breathe
Easier at the same time too
Did you feel that as well?
I am sure you didn't
Maybe that is why you left me behind
Behind to fight for us alone
I took 5 mins to write this. I guess heartbreaks makes you think fast.
I think I'm broken
No really
There's something not right
I don't feel the things I should
But I see beauty in the flow of traffic
I have no motivation to breathe
And yet I inhale, and exhale constantly
My body is moving forward
My mind is expanding
But here I am
Stuck standing
I have zero desire to move forward
But I don't want to stay
these hollow bones
don't feel the pain
your merciless hands
always seem to convey.
i see the scars
and welts
and bruises
but the stars
in my eyes
shine brighter
than the warning lights
flashing in the distance.
no matter
how many tears
i catch in this jar
it'll never open my eyes
to the love
that's drifted afar.
and every time
i feel your bittersweet kiss
i can't resist
because the way
you make me feel inside
is stronger than
the physical pain
hidden behind
these sunken eyes.
i think about
a lot of things
and most of them
don't stay for long
but if i had to
sum it up,
for you,
i think i'd try.

i think about my memories
and replay laughs
and lessons, kisses
and the first time seeing
people who i now know well.

i think about the near future
and try to tame expectations
and try to focus on the now
but sometimes it
gets tough.

i often feel like
dipping in and
out of life like
something rolling
back and forth
along the wave break
resting now and then.

but mostly i just
think of that
which is before me
like a map or
flower or a shadow
or whatever form i find.

so when you asked me
what i think
it at first seemed
a riddle, for
i'm not sure
that i think at all
now that i
think
about it.
What is it in poems that burn?
Possesses me to twist and turn?
Pulls out the soul to let it soar,
To let it frolic to the core?

Is it the meter, sound, and rhyme?
The intricate weaves of words each line?
The charming couplet weaved with sense,
The playful paradox, soft and tense?

Is it the passion, bare and wild?
The Lust entangled with the child?
The artist's soul put into page,
The torned-up papers drowned in rage?

Is it the after, once it's read?
The moment's message stuck in head?
The "I understand." The "Hmm, indeed."
The conceited wisdom we all feed?

Is it the question beyond the ink,
The philosophies we're bound  to think,
The things we'll never view one way,
Which we debate o'er everyday?

Or is it the boldness of the art,
Ripping out the veins from the heart,
And placed in view of public eye,
Either to be noticed or passed by?

The dauntless effort of a soul,
To speak his mind and reach his goal,
Without fear of slander, death, or sin
Is that why poems burn my skin?
i like the way you look at me,
but i hate it when you do.
i love it when you kiss my heart,
but it hurts, that's just the truth.

when you leave and look into her eyes,
it reminds me your body is owned.
and this fact gets lost in my abundance of thoughts,
when you bring beauty to my sight of grey tones.

i hate you, but god, are you beautiful.
Little Carole Jean
You were born to early
Only 20 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy
Born without a heartbeat

I held you in my arms
So tiny so fragile
8.6oz and only 21 inches long
But so beautiful and pure

You had your daddy's long legs
And my annoying chin
Nine Perfect Baby fingers
And Your tiny feet so cute

I'm so sorry babygirl
That mommy couldn't protect you
I failed you little one
Please can you forgive me.

I see how Daddy cries for you
His eyes show how much he misses you
You were his world, his little princess

I miss you so much
I miss you growing inside me
Watching your daddy wrap his arms around my tummy
And say he is on protection duty

I wish I could have watched you grow up
I can picture you in my mind
Dark unruly red hair
And bright blue eyes like daddy

Your dad would have had to chase all the boys away

I wish I could wake up from this nightmare
And erase this whole last week
Look down and see my bellies small bump
Can I go back to when things were good?

Rest Easy Carole Jean
Be safe up there ok?
You have a whole lot of people to meet you there
And a whole lot of people still yet to come

I will see you again one day
Until then please be good.
I cant wait to hold you again
And I know Daddy can't either.

We will be a family again one day
Until then you are always in my heart.
I will NEVER forget you
I dont think I ever could

I love you daughter
And forever always will
You are with me for eternity

My little baby Carole Jean
My daughter Carole Jean was born 5/26/17. Weighting 8.6oz and only 21cm long. Born still but never the less Still born. I love you babygirl and Mommy always will
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