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i am fearful
of you,
who decided
you wanted to know me

and i am fearful
of me,
who is willing to hurt you,
so i can hurt myself.

i am afraid
when you stay,
because i know
you will leave soon.

and i am afraid
when you leave,
because i really wanted you
to stay

(my favorite dreams
are when you walk away from me,
because i know you will be happier
without me.

and my worst nightmares
are when you stay,
because i know
it’s only a matter of time.)

keep your distance
because i am scared of you
who will inevitably
hurt me
in the end

i do not deserve the you
who will build me up.

i only deserve myself,
who will continue to break me down.
—i am afraid of how much i need you
I dipped my pen in Midnight's well,
but still, my quill remained dry.
I chased fallen stars to the Moon's mournful waterfalls,
and still, I had no tears to cry.
I followed the paths carved throughout my soul's forest,
but still, could not find where I'd let my dreams lie.
Finally, I crawled through the gates of every hell and saw
the trail leading to the grave where I'd let myself die.

The silence followed me everywhere I went;
that dreadful nothingness ringing in my ears would not relent.
No words, no words, no words could I invent
to relieve the pain caused by this constant, quiet torment.

I'm nothing. Nothing I dreamed I'd be.
I'm shipwrecked driftwood in this mighty sea,
tossed to and fro without understanding or control.
I've lost too much to ever dream of being whole.

Then, one day, an old artist told me,
"Never cover over your imperfections;
never hide the flaws beneath the perceived perfection,
because the truest beauty lies in being able to see
all the madness and chaos that birthed the masterpiece."

So I won't hide from my shadows anymore;
I won't run from the demons sleeping underneath my pillows.
I will not shrink in the light of the golden Sphinx's baleful eye;
I won't keep myself chained to never-arriving Tomorrow's.

I will face my silence until my ears are bleeding,
and from that blood will I find the words to write,
and from the river of those crimson words flooding,
perhaps I'll find the picture of what my masterpiece will look like.
I could build you a fortress,
Drape you like the moon does the sea.
But without the real you to know,
We are just the color of an empty fantasy.

Something we think of?
Something we need?
Time knows all the answers,
Especially the present portrayed
In these shaded words of please.

It takes two hands to make a strong hold.
Inside the grasp the ink unfolds.
Two touches to erase the long winter’s night.
One lover’s moon ‘til
One morning’s light.
Writing here of that imaginary muse who knows and understands everything about what I write mixed with a desire to go beyond the ink.
Babe honestly I'm not handling
this world so well without you
There to keep me smiling
and I've tried creeping slowly back into your life
But things just don't feel the same

Why doesn't it all feel the same
?
Baby, please tell me

Highlight all of my mistakes

In the brightest colours

So it all stands out to the crowd
Because I'm picking up the Mic
tonight to scream my love for you out loud
Because baby I can't handle life without you
When you are the one who holds me up,
And I couldn't careless
if people think that I'm weak
Honest to God, I need you with me
To carry on and help mend up
the torn pieces of my heart
I don't want us to keep ripping apart
from one another
Because I'm not handling
this world so well without you.

©2017 Written By Benji James
Am I the only one not understanding it?
Some poems have no likes or views
Some poems have a preview, others don't
Some poems are brand new
Some poems are two days old
There's a temperature gage that doesn't make sense
And sometimes there's a poem that disappears off it

*I'm flabbergasted...
//On this broken website//
I'm really confused by some of these changes... lol

Edit: Oh, the irony that this started to trend...............
Better to deserve and not have
Than to have and not deserve...
Better to do and not to be recognised
Than to be recognised and not have done...

One day
A friend in need
I did everything I could
I did not give up
He pushed away
He was sick
He was my brother
I was his little sister
Not of blood
But of heart
He was giving up
I wasn't
Even if he pushed away
I would always stay
He wouldn't answer
I thought all I did was in vain
But I kept on doing it

Now I know
Nothing was in vain
It's not the same though
But he is thankful for being my main
My main thought throughout those dark days
He is thankful for all I did
And he says without me he'd be lost

Now I know
Better to deserve and not have
Than to have and not deserve...
Better to do and not to be recognised
Than to be recognised and not have done...
Love you my little terrorist <3 Missed you all this time and I'm happy you remember that I didn't and won't give up!
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