More scars than skin
More nightmares than sleep
More sighs than words
More darkness than my inner sun can handle

Bathed in silver
from the moonlight
that seeps through my window curtains,
I find my mind
drifting off to you,
again.

The view of starry sky,
numbs down my brain processes,
or, maybe it is the effect of my heavy eyelids
battling drowsiness

and it is funny how I still have no illusions,
that the sight of the same nightsky,
ever leads your thoughts processes to me.

And for me, all the trains of thoughts,
have a single destination
you know for me,
it is always you.

I don't know why
the moon is looking quite sad today,
maybe it has finally realised
that the place it has always known as its home
is not only his.


is anything truly ever ours?

even our lives are not just ours,
maybe that is the way of the things,
what we love today,
has been loved before,
and will be loved again.

and I still can't stop thinking
about the kiss I left on your eyelids.

and look the stars are winking and shining brighter in moon's misery
and I know I have lost coherence
when I imagine how they would look hanging in your braids

And here I can feel the quiet ache hum again,
I don't know how or when but I succumb to sleep,

and I swear I felt the moonlight kiss me,
and I swear I felt you smiling at me.

I kept waiting
But all these rainstorms
Never gave way
To a single rainbow
And I could say
A thousand words
But the ones
That matter most
Are what I don't allow myself
To utter ..


I kept waiting,
At the crossroads
But no grand intervention
Told me
Which way to go
So I blindfolded myself,
And walked on,
By the time, I realised
You were on the other road,
I was too far in,
To ever be out.

I keep writing,
About all these unrequited loves,
But the one brown eyed love I loved,
Was the one thing,
I chose to walk away from,
And all these feelings I morph
Into literary arts,
Can never compensate,
For the loss I endured

But, life must carry on,
And so do I
With a burden tied to my heart
and a knife poking through my ribs.

We no longer know what to say,
we only touch,
when you feel right,
and it is convenient

I don't hold your attention anymore
how do I know I still hold your heart?

You no longer rush to welcome me home,
you never dress up for me anymore,
the twinkle in your eyes don't dance
at the sight of me the same way

the ink splattered on the paper,
no longer takes the shape of my name

And oh, I remember how it used to be
I was in your embrace so often,
you would let your love take me high,
any time you felt I was feeling low

and, oh, you could read me so well
you knew what I wanted
way before my brain had it acknowledged

Oh, what once was, and the used to be's,
will never be, not in the same way again,
look at yourself too,
could you honestly say you're still the same?

and you were so familiar to me,
i could see your emotions display on your face
the stolen glances, the silence
I could decipher them so well

you would say "sweetie, it's all in your head"
but the soft pecks on my cheeks,
mean nothing more than a formality

but I still love you the same,
tell me I'm still the one,
tell me for you, there could never be anyone else

**and I don't know if I can take a step,
without you over-looking into it,
I feel myself suffocating,
under the memories of all the glorious used to be's

but I still love you the same, baby girl
and I would show you, if you'd only let me.
tell me
that it is not too late for us yet, please.

People fall in and out of love,
they do it all the time,
sometimes simultaneously
like the setting of sun
gives way for moon to shine,
sometimes out of sync,
like thunder and lightening,
this was what happened to them.


She had fallen out of love,
but he loved her still, the same.

I met you
When I was
At a very strange stage
Of my life
All the faces had lost their identity
And were nothing but a blur
Till they blended into the background
Gone unnoticed
The same way they had come
And you were just the same
Among the dead memories and the ashes left
You were just one of the many's
Till on a cold night
I saw the spark you were giving
You were reaching out for me
I wondered why
I was curious where this might lead
I was the cold leaf
That then remained wet on the ground
Because it is a nature's rule
What goes up
Must witness a  scary down
I was denying the law of gravities
Being caressed by the wind
Till a thunderstorm came
And shook the very root
Of my being
And it was during that descent I realised
The high is never worth
The fall that follows
But you reminded me of the smell of spring
I never thought I would live to feel
I decided to watch from a distance
While you kept closing in on me
Your eyes penetrating through
Layers I had made
Not quite sure if they were there for my benefit
Or to bury me alive
I probed and poked to make sure
You were not another trick
Of this devious vile
We call life
Your steps, never hesitating,
I warned you
Your sparks will have no effect
On a leaf soaked in depression
You picked me up
Wiped the traces of the rain
The rain
I thought will never end
And held me in your palm
Like I was not dirt..
But a flower you found
In a field of weeds
Like I was the most precious thing
You had come across
One's garbage, another's gold
But I don't want to go high
Oh no please not another fall
But i like
The gentle touch of yours
Treating me with care
When every thing else is just friction
I like the warmth you radiate
When all I have been doing
Is shiver alone in the cold
I wonder if you can see
I'm trying my best not to lean further
Just closest I can get
Without actually touching
Cause one fine day
You'll see
I'm not a flower
But a drenched leaf
I hope you don't drop me
When the realisation comes
Creeping in

I went to the terrace and looked up,
The sky blushed and tore itself open.
I stood close to the edge,
To get a better view of the town,
It was the playfulness of the wind,
That finally took away my breath.

It was in the silence,
That I heard the branches talk to the wind,
And saw the leaves, swaying gently,
To the music the sky sang for the earth.

I closed my eyes,
To take in the smell,
To hang these pictures,
On the walls of my brain.
So that I could revisit this lane of memory,
Whenever it gets a little lonely,
So that I could have a little of symphony,
In my otherwise tuneless journey



I looked at the horizon,
And saw the sun wave a good bye,
The sky bled, hoping it could get it to stay.
The sun, in turn, left a million stars,
As a promise and as a reminder, that it would return.

With a reluctance will,
I saw the sun,
Blend into the sky,
Splitting itself, into pretty colors,
Maybe that's why, the sky can do this every day,
It knows that even when the sun is gone,
It remains a part of herself.

I pondered for a minute, how nice it would be to made up of the sunsets. A hopeful kind of goodbye.

I looked up at the sky, and saw the moon wink at me,
Despite myself, I felt a smile tugging on my lips.
It was a moment or an hr later
When the moon told me, it's not conscious of the scars on its face,
That they're beyond self pity.
(take it people, moon does not give a **** about your idea of beauty. *******)

It was with a much better spirit, that I left the terrace,
With a cheer in my footsteps and a new poem on my finger tips.

Maybe the stars shine
just to get a moment of your undivided attention
Maybe the leaves fall,
just to land in your palm,
Maybe it rains,
just to wash away
all the hurt from your past
Maybe the gentle breeze
only wants to caress and heal
your scars.

Maybe, these are the universe's ways of letting you know,
that it could never be the same
without you

Maybe time only passes,
according to its conspiracy to get you to my door,
maybe you and I'll keep parting,
only to have our paths criss cross again
Maybe, maybe, one day I'll get you to stay
Or, maybe, my ingeniousness, would keep sweeping me away.

**Maybe, these words are my way of letting you know,
a part of me will always be looking,
for a part of you

I saw a couple of leaves
Around the corner of this building
Fluttering so much,
For a moment I thought
They were a couple of parrots
Perfect, luscious, shade of green
that
I have not recently
seen
On leaves
For they are always
Covered in dust
And grit
Or maybe cause
I have not had much time these days
From wailing in self misery
And drowning myself in various level of toxicity

I saw a couple of leaves
Around the corner of this building
Fluttering so gleefully,
On a thin branch,
It almost filled me with hope,
And when has the odds
Been in favor of any one of us
Though, I have to admit,
Some of us have it easier
Than most,
But that is no reason to give up.

I saw a couple of leaves,
Paving their way
Through the concrete,
Fluttering so much more
Than any leaves on a high tree
And that is when I realised,
Though i don't know the how and the why's
We will all make it,
Eventually.

You see,
It's easy for me
To get lost in the
wildness of the moment,
To stop to see
Rainbow in a dew drop
Or to sway away
On the notes of the bluest songs.

You see,
It's easy for me
To see through the little things
And go deaf
To a heart thud only for me
But you must understand
What I believe
Every machine has to fail or break

You see,
It's easy for me
To be so selflessly selfish
There is always an orphaned kid
With a broken smile
Or a birthday wish for the dead
In order to make them
Feel alive

You see,
It's easy for me
To believe
Everything I touch
Will surely leave
Oh, such ironies
I wanted
You to stay so bad that
I guess I made you leave

A boy with spring lurking at every footstep he walked
Met a girl humming to the wind of fall
The scent of fresh beginnings marked his approach
In the intense fragility of life she remained involved.
On an ordinary day, their paths crossed
He had never seen beauty
In such raw form
She raised her eyebrows,
What trouble has she now herself sought
The ******* whose palm the leaves gladly dropped
Never knew where she herself would fall.
He was overwhelmed, so he probed
How could tragedies
Be so intricately connected with hope
In bright hues
He had always walked
Now a pair of black eyes
Had him ******
Black magic, it must be, he told.
She cried for autumn's loss
He smiled for what spring brought
Spring and autumn
With their eye's locked
In complete stillness, in this contrast they felt they belonged
The world unaware of
Who was it who loved first and more?
Maybe that is why in autumns
With such grace leaves fall
And every turn, springs do a makeover
For its beloved
No touch and no promised words
Maybe we should all stop
And give their love an applause.
Spring, autumn
And their eternal love.

"nothing good stays "
i always did, so that makes sense"
but your eyes were on your dream,
and apparently i was just some traffic
i always knew this was bound to happen
but that does not make it hurt less
you always think you've more time..there are going to be
more hugs,
more late-night talks,
more of everything
but then your world starts closing
in on you
and in the blink of an eye, he is gone..
and your time is over.
all the plans you made, all the promises..
they all get reduced to ..memories
memories that'l lhaunt you down at 2am
and make you cling to your pillowcase
and you'll realise you should never have let him touch you..
'cause
all the broken parts of  you that he fixed
just burn now, reminding you of his absence
and you'll see him, almost everything will remind you of him
the lonely moon, the other side of your bed
one sad songs, or the phone that no longer beeps
or the smell of him on your pillowcase
absence of him will be everywhere you see
time will cease to have any meaning to you
even the best of your friends will fall apart
and it won't be their fault, 'cause after months of not having their calls received ..everyone thought it's better to not call
you think this is it..that you won't ever recover but you would
and when the wounds his sudden departure gave turn to scars, you'll promise yourself that you won't ever love
but darling..you will
he'll assure you that he is different, you'll try not to believe but one day you will
And

**the whole **** will start again

Maybe it is the death
That makes the life so much more beautiful .

The bright yet flickering light,
Around which you must be careful.

Don't go crashing too fast
For it will be blown away,

Stare a minute too longer
And it will start to Decay

I might be sad but I'll never let that become a vulnerability that some one else might exploit.
I might be sad but I'll never expect anyone else to make me feel better about myself.
I might be sad and not do anything to conceal it but I'll never let that sadness become me or my most prominent feature.
I might be sad but I'll never use a person as a replacement for the happiness I could never feel.

I might be in love but I'll never expect that love to heal the wounds that run too deep.
I might be in love but I'll (not still there but I'm trying to be) never make it a point around which my universe balances.
I might be in love, but I'll never let it be the prime focus of all my passions.
I might be in love but I'll never forget how to love myself in the process.

I might be standing too close to the edge but I'll never jump
I might be tempted to the shiny blades but I'll never carve the first cut
I might be  inherently attracted to lonely, dark roads but I'll never shy away from the light
I might be waiting to be found at the moment, but I'm no longer looking at you to map my steps in case I want to find my way back.

I might have never been your priority but really how can I have let it bother me when I was never my own?

I might want you to stay but I'm not bending out of shape to make spaces for you,
I might love you but really for how long can love be used as an excuse to tolerate disrespect
I might want you to remain happy but I'm no longer trading my happiness with the devil to catch your smile
I might want to give you my all, but I would not.

I might be sad now but that does not mean I'll never be happy

Why am I supposed to wake up,
When the dawn of light,
Does little to drive
The darkness far off?

Why, does the path I travel on,
Mockingly asks me
Where my destination is,
When mY feet won't carry on

Like the sand,
That escapes through the palm of a kid
Scattered everywhere
Lays my dreams.

Tried to write a new beginning,
But the tears of past
Washed away
Every hope that my words weaved.

The world is a step away, they claimed
Why did mine limit to the few lines of my fate
How I wish I could have made them understand
But the ink of grief often remains unread

How am I supposed to be at peace with these chains
When they Pierce my wings farther every second
Why am I supposed to pull a brave face
And believe all this hurt could only mean love.


Why am I supposed to wake up
And live through this life,
Like a puppet
And watch him pull the strings,
As He pleases.

The most she will do, is throw occasional glances your way
She may be your dream,
or the element of your worst nightmare

She may be the blush of your cheeks
Maybe the wetness of the tears
She will never see
She may be the cure or, the pain
The hurricane of trouble,
or a shower of blessings from above.

She Maybe the blanket that keeps you warm,
or the fire that brings you down
She will teach you all about love
The why's and how it is done
But she will never be yours

The most she will do
Is throw occasional smiles your way
She is the face you may never leave behind
She is always ahead of your time

She may be the kind of lost that you need
A feeling of homeliness
When you have been estranged all your life
She is both playful and grace
You'll never see more than she intends for you to see

She can either be ruthless truthfulness or casual lies
And she always catches you off guard
She may go left when all go right,
Walk miles to dance under the moon light
And you'll stand their enchanted
Envying the moon light that gets to caress her skin


The most she will do
Is let her shadows touch you
And you are more than glad
To live your life in her afterglow


She can take care of herself
She is the beauty you found in wilderness
she refuses to be tamed
That is why you love her

She smiles,
And the angels' sigh
She weeps
And the devil curses
you you'll take all those smiles and tears as souvenirs
And store them in your mind
To always revisit later

The most she will do
Is let you be her friend
For she won't be
Anyone's fool,
But you are already a fool
And she is the moon you want

I hope you slept well to the  new pillows that have not been imprinted by any essence yet
I hope you woke up startled and longing in a place defiant to show any familiarity
I hope you feel free now that you have burnt down your past to the ashes.
I hope you feel heavy now that the ghosts haunt you for your unbidden goodbyes
I hope the sun shines ever so gently, I will your sunflowers to never wilt
I hope the scorching summer heat reminds you of the spring that faded too soon
I hope the windchimes lull you into a dreamless sleep.
i hope i find my way to you and walk through your resistance even if it is in your dreams


I hope time grants you blissful forgetfulness
I hope you spend your nights trying to remember the feel of my lips against yours but can't
I hope no rain ever takes away your vision of a clear blue sky
I hope no rain is enough for you to drown the softest I love yous you confessed
I hope you now get to write the story you wanted to read, in peace
I hope you can't find a metaphor loving enough that I have not used upon you
I hope we find that we are the sun we were looking to orbit around
*I hope you wistfully say that I was your favorite sky to shine upon

The fireflies
Buzz all around you,
Scattered drops of sunlight
Celebrating the darkness
Maybe we should try it too
Because if we wait for a happy moment to celebrate
We might just have to wait forever.


The autumn trees
Dance all around you
Moving their bare branches
On the beat of the silent wind
You never planted their seeds
Yet they shed their leaves
Watching you shed those precious tears.


Never say, oh, never think
You are alone in your struggle.
Think of all the eternities the sky has bled
For the earth it has never touched.
Yeah, think about the longings with which the ocean and the moon look at each other
And yet can never meet.

So, if you dream of skylines you have never seen,
Wake up with your dreams sitting on your eyelids
And if your heart is at a place far away,
Just know maybe it is supposed to be that way.

The earth when too close to sun,
Will become a ball of ashes,
The moon will have the tides turn
Into merciless savages.
Your heart, with you in his arms,
Will finally be at rest

And if it was not for this sadness, what would I still be writing about?

He could not see
the picture her eyes painted 
the lyrics her heart beats wrote 
the grace by which she walked
he could not see her for the magic she was.


he could not see 
the way buds blossomed 
when she walked their way
or how the way stars aligned
to guide him to her
because he was too caught up in someone else's light


she could not see 
he was far off wandering
to a place she could never reach
his eyes following the movement 
of someone else's gaze
she could not see him 
for the momentary delight he will bring
followed by a series of never ending longings
that never to be fulfilled

He was blinded
But was never numb enough
not to feel the homely aroma 
she carried
slowly the aroma became his choice of drug
soon she became the irresistible force

her vision was tainted
with the sweet words he framed
moments after moments
she made a house 
where memories 
were bricks 
with love as cement. 
she knew he would fall in
and he did

but no matter how strong the drug is, 
a person gets accustomed to it
and wants more,
everything seems off-limit

no matter how much you are willing to sacrifice
you can only destroy yourself 
till you still have something left in you to give
but she already had loved him
with every bit of love she was allowed to give.

and on a stormy night, past came knocking at the door,
the girl was terrified, but the boy let the stranger in. 
When he saw her face, she was no stranger at all
she was the girl, around whom
majority of his life had evolved


Back before she knew, 
the pictures in the frames were replaced
the background was same
but it was the hands of his childhood love he was holding,
the letters he wrote for her
now had a new address
she came like fresh air,
and swept off the traces of the drug
He once could not do without

she became stranger in her own house,
he did not force her out,
but nothing was the same
With love gone
All the walls had cracked

now if there is one thing that is worse than to never have known love, it would be to have known love and watch it getting snatched away

she watched him delete all the messages,
rephrase the words he so happily wrote for her not so long back 
the photographs were burnt
the numbers were removed
it was as if,
she was never there.

and the boy lived happily
with his girl 
I'm sure this is not how
you thought the story would progress
but this is how it usually goes,
so if you are in love,
you are the lucky ones
cause most of us are writing
about the love we lost.

You are gone for excessive hours
And i know you dont mean to come back
But you do, you take a while but you always do
A part of me know you will
But there is a bigger part knowing one day you wont

You used to love the way i wrote about you once
Now you just want me to stop
And although my lips never move, my heart keeps begging you to come back
While my friends beg for who i was before you left to come back

Your ears used to love the sound my lips made
When i said ily and reached for you in my sleep
But the day you left the sun rose too early and my ilys turned to please come back
and it was then when the sun set in my eyes, never to rise again

You once said there is hope; there is a light at the end of this tunnel
And i was taken back to the time when i saw you smile
I thought the end must be near
But now you are gone and now this tunnel seems never ending
Owing to the darkness, nothing is all i see

You kept saying there is more to life than us
I nodded and said there is more to life than love and there is more to love than you
But you were my sun and my moon
Now i am left with the stars that will never stop spelling your name.

You begged and ordered me to stop reaching out
for someone who is not even there
It was my helpness that said-I have been trying to let go
But im not sure if my hands remember how to
Or my heart

Forever sounds
Awfully, torturing long
Till you're on your knees
Begging for just a little more.

Being friends sounds,
Awfully conveniently like a solution
Till you're lying in bed,
Longing for a gentle caress

Letting go sounds,
Awfully brave, heroic,
Till you see them learning to move on
Yourself becoming a vague memory.

Going silent
Continues to work in your favour
Till you have to open your mouth one day
Only to taste all the words rusted on your mouth.

Being a poet sounds
Romantic enough
Till you're in too deep at 3 am
Drowning in feelings you can't seem to word

His eyes,
Blacker than the darkest
Midnight sky,
Might just save
My black heart.

His lips,
The gentle shade
Of a rose bud,
Is the reason why
I have "attention deficit" disorder

His smile
Just like the sun light
Breaking through the mist of
Doubts and lies
Guides me

His innocence
A glimpse of which
I find in every toddler's smile
Reminds me
To save mine

He is not
the guy I expected myself to be with
But he is the reason that keeps me
From flying too close
To the sun

His mind
Does not get most of my
metaphoric reference
But his hand holds mine
And steadies my shaky foundation

And maybe if you just hang in there
You'll see You did not get
what you want Cause
some greater  possiblilty out there is seeking you

You don't know about
the no. Of times
I have sought you
In my dreams,
My face buried
Against the crook of your neck
Only to find
The place next to me empty
I guess this bed
was never meant for two


You don't know
about the no. Of times
I stop my legs
from steering in your direction
But there is little I can do
about my eyes
Which follow you through the crowd
So perfectly
I guess you are the only view
they enjoy to see

You don't know
about the no. Of times
I bite my tongue
To stop them from murmuring
I love you
When that is all my lips want to do
Other than to feel
the softness of yours
Pressed against mine
I guess some lips are meant to go dry

You don't know
about the no. Of times
My mind weaves these
Difference scenarios
With only one ending
Of me in your arms,
One day you'll just be
A fragment of my imagination
I guess some wishes intensify
If they  are kept unfulfilled

You don't know
about the no of times*
Half of my heart
reaches out for you
While the other half
holds on to its pride
Tearing me into two
I guess some hearts
never make up
their minds*

-
A.K

Last night
You killed a part of me
And i let you
Just like all the times before

If loving me were a crime,
You'd not have to worry
You'd be an innocent
Not a single blot on your conscience

Last night
I looked for you at the bottom of my drinks, the empty side of my bed and in every strangers' face
Just to find you in her arms

If loving me were a dream,
You'd be the insomniac
Dont even bother closing your eyes now
I already slipped off your eyelids

Last night, in vain,
I tried to find my way to our place
But all the houses on the street looked the same
Like the gravestones in the cemetry with the engravings washed away

**If loving me came
like the waves of our memories hitting you in the face
Not one inch of you would be drenched
You would be untouched and oblivious
Like a diamond in the distant sky

But when has a sunset
been able to take away
What the sunrise
Had brought?

But When has months
of being imprisoned
Made the bird forget
How to fly

But when has a sunless horizon
Has been able to prevent
The rose
From blooming

But when has bright colors of leaves
Kept autumn from coming
And shake them off

But when has loving
ever guaranteed
The feeling of being
loved back

But when has the darkest
of night
Kept the sun from
Rising again?

Maybe this is the only heaven
We will get,
Maybe demons are something we fight everyday
To keep the hell away .

Maybe we die, and are reborn and live
Every moment,
Never let the world make you forget
How rare it is to even exist

Stay, hold me
The way trees hold on to the leaves,
Shivering on a stormy night.

The way wind soaks away
The woes of the flowers
Right off their petals.

Stay, let me listen to your breathing
If you can’t seem to find a word,
That is just fine by me.

As your beating heart tells me,
All there is for my heart to know;
A grand gesture of just being there

Stay, just this one night,
In between your breaths,
Is where my safe haven lies

The almost rhythmic
rise and fall of your chest
Lures me into security

Stay, for
I’m longing with nothing there to long for,
Looking, for a place I have never been to.

Because
I have a restlessness in me,
That just can’t be contained.

But there is something in you,
That always
got me to stay.

So this time darling,
Won’t you stay
For me

Cause there is a warmth
Inside of me
That comes only from being loved by you

You look like a reason to try to want to wake up
A reason to try again
You look like the shameless shade autumn wears,
Not apologising for all the goodbyes it brings.

You look like a reason to want to die a little less,
A reason to play dressing up in front of the mirror
You look like this rebellious pen of mine,
Taking a break from the blues and writing about  the red in your cheeks
Clichés be ******, it yells.

You look like a liberation death could bring, but only sweeter,
The light filtering through the curtains, but softer
You look like the face of a stranger I confessed my miseries to long ago and wished never to see his face again when I was done
Except I could never run away from you, pls don't make me ever wanna

You look like the adrenaline rushed first kiss,
But with more finesse
You look like all the warning signs I have ever ignored when I ran past them,
Except this time I want to stay and discover why.

You look like all the poems I have ever sat on fire, except you fire never burns you into Ashes, it somehow compliments and coexists w your halo
You look a lot like humming bird, except you're humming in my heart, fuzzily flowing into my veins

A touch of hand
Hardly a brush
But you felt enough
A word
he whispered
Not much
But you felt yourself
getting swept away

A smile
He brings when he comes,
Nothing strong,
But it won't ever falter
A new hope you found
Amidst all these doubts,
No way to know where it will lead
But you can't stop

You can feel it,
Everywhere you go,
The winds keep spreading
His aroma all around you

You can see it,
In the darkness
You are now dreaming of his face
With eyes wide open

The adrenaline rush
Giving you the highest high
you ever felt
A shrug, it can't be that
But you can't stop looking her way

A glimpse
Not long before she goes
But she continues to linger
In your thoughts

You can feel it
In your solitude
The ebbing pain cursing her name

You can hear
the fresh leaves saying
The weather will soon change

A growing blush on your cheeks
Not too prominent, you hope
But everyone with eyes
Has started to see a pattern

A stutter along with some whispers
Your heart floats some place far
With a buoyancy  
it has just acquired

You can hear it
Inside your chest
What once was hollow
Is now pounding with grace

You can feel it
By the flutters of the butterflies
That rose from the ashes

A strange euphoria wreathed around you
Not one reason you can confirm
But your friends say
It is cause of her

A late night revelation
Not a thing you planned
But here you are hoping hard
The cupid hit both of you and not just one.

You can see it now
clearer than the moon
on a cloudless night
It is love.
You know it now
Better than the childhood rhymes
You have learnt
*It must have been love all along

The kind of girl
Who remains awake till dawn
To write about the sun

The kind of boy
Who would follow her
To the end of world
To just watch the fire inside her burn

The kind of girl whose lips
never talk about love
All her love is written, and preserved

The kind of guy
Whose voice is a home away from the house she has always known

The kind of girl who writes about peace
Because her mind is always at war

The kind of guy who holds on to her jagged ends
While she finishes picking herself off the floor

The kind of girl who sees
color in every
shade of black

The kind of guy who looks for her broken smile in every strangers' face

The kind of girl to unassemble herself
And put the splits on the pages for display

The kind of guy who patiently reads through the lines
Just to get a glimpse of
How it's like inside her head

The kind of girl to decorate
her braids with stars

The kind of guy to put a hundred moons in her path

The kind of girl who is content with being in the background as life goes on

The kind of guy to treat her as if she is the main character to his novel plot

The kind of girl whose smile is like the first light after a long eclipse

The kind of guy to give her the highest place
Even when the darkness environs her

The kind of girl who can't stay in
A place for long

The kind of guy to know her heart won't let her go astray

The kind of girl who is not ashamed of her wings
In a world where everyone else's are clipped off

The kind of guy giving her the space to navigate
Believing she'll find her way to him
All over again

The kind of girl who will spread through you,
Like forest fire
And get you hooked up
Like some dark magic

The kind of guy who will let her do so,
Cause behind every pure magic
Are some dark stories
And everyone you love, takes a piece of you
And he wants it to be only her

These people are the ones you should fall for

He was like a maze
My love was like the sky,
He thought no one could find him,
I looked down at him and smiled.

He prayed every night,
As a *****, I studied him quietly,
The closest view of heaven I'll ever see
Is his face.

He was like an underground city,
I was the ferocious hurricane,
I felt his heart beat within me,
And turned into a quiet breeze
To listen.

He preached of love,
And talked about happy endings,
A foreign language he spoke,
I was mesmerized, nonetheless

He was like a dandelion dancing,
He bloomed cause he knew nothing else,
I was the roots to support his flight,
Wishing he realised I do it, only for his sake.

In another life,
He used to love me,
But he remembers not about those days,
Sometimes I feel I faded with his memories.

Maybe it was not you, maybe it was me
Setting bridges ablaze
Before crossing
And trying to find  out
What was there on the other side

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were left there on the other side. If I had only known, if I had only seen, maybe we both would not have been smothered in the fire I had kindled. I swear it was only meant for me.. It's really funny how the fire I had hoped would destroy me just burnt me, it was that one look of anguish in your eyes that reduced me to ashes. Too bad. I'd have taken hundred of those burnings to take away your pain away. Pain that I had unintentionally carved into your flesh.


Maybe I should have said something, maybe you would not have heard it anyway,
But now these silences have become the crime scenes as well as the witnesses*

It's kinda ironical how you've always been the one to  get me down on my knees to pray and the one that had me concluding that both of us had fallen out of God's grace long before we were born. Lucifers in our own hell. Aching from the loss of what we could  have been.

Maybe I should have asked, maybe you should have stayed,
Maybe then we would have something in common other than our parents,
And our disappointments.


I wonder if you too have just gone through your life, uncaring, and, uninterested as if you were stuck in someone else's dream. I wonder which no. Of disappointment it was after which we decided that there was nothing to be salvaged. Not even us. Esp not us. We have gone so long without talking that yesterday when I opened my mouth, no words came out. Whenever I look at us, I wonder if cremation is just going to be a formality? I wonder if they know why I talk so much because I'm afraid if I stop I'd hear the unwanted sounds telling me that I did not talk you out of ruining yourself. I did not say a word, probably, the only time when my words held any significance and I'm sorry, my baby brother. I'm sorry.


Maybe If I had tried harder, maybe if you had not resisted longer
Then maybe we would not be soaked into this rain, permanently
The sky weeping silent poetry that only you and I can feel.

I never played with you. I tried yesterday to get you to but it was too late I guess. You remained seated in the corner of the balcony. I wonder what it is that you see that is interesting enough to keep you looking but not enough to go out and feel it. I wish I could tell you that is how I feel sometimes too. But I just don't know how to. So I stand there awkwardly in the sidelines. I laugh mirthless. Sidelines. That's where I have always been when it came to you. Have not I? I see our neighbor look at us. I wonder if they call it sweet, or, love? Me? I don't dare call it anything.

Have you ever looked in the mirror
And searched for yourself
In the reflection

But have you ever got everything you wanted
And still had an insatiable longing gnawing at your insides

But have you ever stared into the sky long enough
That you felt it staring back into the vacant nothingness inside you

But have you ever laid awake
Spilling yourself on to the blank pages
Cause you needed to empty you of yourself

But have you ever tried listening to all the complains and secrets the cold wind carries with itself

Cause, if you had,
you would have known
That pain is universal.

I have a poem growing in my chest tonight, rising to taste your lips and ***** your mind.

If you let go,
You may learn how to undo oneself
And together we can build ourselves back up,
Or just let the rain wash us away.

Unclench your jaw,
I have got words stuck in between my teeth,
If you can close your eyes,
I'll teach you how to breathe.

The earth is round, and the planets always moving,
So that the distant future can't swallow us, and we don't run stagnant.

Look at the vast stretches of mountain and oceans,
Feel your problems reduce their weight,
Look at the cells working at subatomic level,
You can change your world, even if all else fails.

Seek for the truth,
But alas, some things are better understood in hindsight
As to what the purpose of our life is?
I am not sure I know myself.

All my life,
I have run away from others' perception of what truth was,
Cause mine they won't accept.

Pardon me, my lord, for thinking there is no absolute truth. Religions are means to attain the bigger goal, and not the goal themselves.

Millions of people die
In a war amongst themselves,
Can't you see it all starts with a simple claim- I and only I know, what is the best.

******, and religions.. I see little difference. Except one never bothered to claim it was what the Gods wanted.

No need to take offence,
for simply it was not my intent,
Everyone has a right to follow,
The path they chose for themselves

But don't give me the talk,
How you are the only one that can be correct,
You may not like to admit but
We all are in a rollercoaster
With no details of where we might end.

So why you are unlike,
The God you talk about in high esteem,
After all even a human shows his enemies mercy
And not have them thrown in an eternal fire,
Because he prefers different flavors of icecream.

I had a poem stuck in my mouth,
I could not swallow,
It stung till I had to throw it out
And now it Is all over your pages.

Alas, words are merely words,
And you'll all continue to go down the path you had already chosen
But if my words stopped a few to ponder,
Well, that is Just great
And my work here is done

It is dangerous
To fall in love with a flame
When your words are soaked in gasoline
One look
And your whole world
Comes down burning.

Yes, the world will never understand
How easily the moth is drawn to a flame
The world will never understand
How can any one trade hearts
For such an unbearable pain.


(But you do, don't you?)


It is dangerous
To decide to walk up a bridge
What if no one is waiting
On the other side
And you're left feeling trapped
With only yourself
On a cold December night

Yes, this has happened all the times,
The coldest nights
Are spent with a constant longing  
On their lips
The world will never understand
How can a name be called out
Like a prayer
How can love be someone's religion

( but then again you do, don't you)

It is dangerous
To let someone renovate your heart
In colors of their favorite Shades
What if one day they decide
That this is just not the color for them
And your heart will shatter down
Because they have left a permanent mark
No one else can erase.

Alas, such tragedies you are talking about
Who is she who let you down
Don't you know some passions are too fiery
To last for long
Cause if they did,
The whole society would see in silence its norms
Falling down
Like ashes on a graveyard.

It is a dangerous thing
To fall in love
How can I let someone in
Without tearing myself apart
And making spaces for them
Where they can reside
And leave memories when they don't want to be around

Why do you see the world in shades of heartbreaks and wounds
Light always finds its way
And it will dissolve right across your skin
And love is a light
You'll only notice
When you see her glittering eyes
Looking down into your abyss
While the intensity of her gaze never falters

But you already have seen it happen, have not you?


But..but your words make it look so pretty
Like it is not a sin to avert your eyes upon
Like it is not a deadly disease
Tell me, woman,
Have not you had moments where you just wanted to quit this


Yes, I have had moments, a whole lot of them
But if there is one thing time has taught me,
There is nothing love can't fix
You just have to
Let it find its way to you.


And as she got up
To finally leave
I realised how my heart will always go out of way
To find reasons to love her
Again and again

And as she turned her gaze away
Hoping I don't see the tears
I myself have created
I knew I'll forever be the beat to which her heart sings,
Her first, her last and every thing in between

But there is a warning
She gave me,
A warning I now owe to you,
Between world and love,
The world always wins.
You might not let the world control
The way you feel,
But the world will not change its ways,
For something as abstract as love.

And though our hearts beat as one,
We could never be,
One and whole.

But you won't let that stop you from loving, will you?

Sometimes I find myself getting overwhelmed,
By the intensity of fear that ripples through me,
When anyone suggests me to love anyone else,
I ask myself
Could I ever go down a path like that?


I guess, I can.
Love someone else, I mean, in some ways.
But I'll love you with all the loves,
In all the ways,
Forever and
Always.
Because most of the poems I have written
Can be broken down,
Into a simple word: love.

And love has never been a feeling to me,
It is a person,
And it's you.
And if someone finds it twisted,
I am sorry,
But I'm not going to apologise,
For the way I feel.


So, for this once,
I decide to cave into my selfishness
And hope the stars align right now,
To make a wish for us.

Because every day without you,
Is like going to a war zone,
Where I'm the only soldier,
And I still end up losing,
With my blood on my hands.

And this war will only stop,
When we have found,
The missing pieces of ourselves,
In each other.

See the sky turn crimson red,
The same hue
With which your soil is covered.

Tell me, how are you going to explain this to mother
That the boy she cradled in her arms as a child,
Has now gone cold.

No more sneaking on his side
To get a scoop of his favorite ice-cream at midnight
And the plans she had for his 8th birthday party
Will never see the light of reality.

See the colors seep Out of her world,
The same way blood drained out of the boy's body.
Tell me what could you possible say to justify
The killing of innocence
To justify the replacement of laughter and joys
With ****** and blood
The heart that soared over with pride,
Is now weighing down with guilt
If only she had listened to his excuse, he made to stay out of school
She would not be holding him for the last time,
Fighting the tears that are too numb to come.

See the sky clear up again,
From the tears of the innocents,
You'll hope, plead and pray then forget
Till it gets ****** yet again.

But the mothers' heart will remember,
And one day they'll pay,
The heaven they had foreseen
Will be worse than any hell

Last week, you saw the sun bleed itself on the empty sky and give rise to a million stars. And you thought of her. Absent mindedly, you touched your wedding ring loosely wrapped around your finger. You sipped your coffee and wondered what was it that made the sun and moon rise and set? You envied how oblivious they remained to the suffering of this world. A couple of more sips led you to think how your life has pretty much been like them too, spinning uncontrollably, not listening to your suggestions or demands. Till you found her. And suddenly your universe had a focal. Last few months had been tough.
It has been like two ghosts living in a house, unaware of each others presence. You missed her, you wanted to hug her, and hold her till she found her way back to you.
But every time you tried to talk to her, she would break down and then fade off. It was like there was an invisible wall growing in between you two and you did not know how to cross it. Not without her opening the door and letting you in.
It has been 4 months since the test came positive. The doctor said it was the last stage of cancer. And that they were sorry. They had been having a fight over room renovation when they got the call. They were to visit the doctor asap.
Elisabeth could not believe it. It would be easier to take it in had Michael not gone numb. At first, he thought it was a joke. A cruel one. But after half an hour of arguing and no camera person coming to tell them "you have been pranked" he had to give in.
The drive to home was quiet. Neither knew what to say. Unlike the movie scenes, there were no emotional dialogues or crying. There was just a quiet all over the place.
Since neither of them felt like  eating, they went to bed.
Elisabeth had her back turned to Michael, but after a hour two, she was clutching to Michael for the life of her, sobbing madly.
And seeing her cry made him break down as well. He had never cried in all his adult life. And together they sobbed. That night was the last conversation they had. Elisabeth asked Michael to move on. But this act of bravery could not last for long and in between her muffled sobs, she asked to save her, he said he did not know how. And she had looked up in his eyes and said never forget me. And with her head on his chest, her consciousness had finally drifted to faroff place. She would occasionally mutter something in her sleep and shiver and hold on to him closer. He was her safe haven and he knew it. He wished he could save her, but he did not know how to.

The qualms of morning seemed so silly now. It is so tragic how we let the little things take away from us the greater moments. We think we have enough time. And that is the thing, we never know that the kiss we had would be our last.
So i m writing this to let you know there is nothing you would regret more than not being able to show your love while you still had the chance to.
Let your partner know you love her, take her on a long drive, send her unexpected flowers. Smile at strangers. Listen to your grandparents. And send love letters to your parents
While you still have the chance to do it. I don't.

And now that I think about it, I regret how I let those little things take away from me, the happiness I could have given her and the memories with whom I'll have to live my life

It is so easy to get mesmerized
By this haze called love
I find myself forgetting
That you ain't him
And I ain't her.

And it is easy to give in to the urges
Walk hand in hand
Talk heart to heart
But if you walk in circles,
You'll exactly reach from where you begun

The brown of your eyes
Still reflect the same warmth
The misery of my heart
Still longs for your company.


And all the houses and the memories we burnt
Sometimes it is hard to believe
That you were ever him
And I was ever her.

While walking through the path of life,
Sometimes we bump into strangers,
In the lonely nights when we can't sleep,
Some stories are made
With no particular ending
And then we go apart
to seek our own density

Out of those stories,
Most corrode with time,
But few become a part of us.


You are one of such stories.


While treading formalities,
Sometimes our walls go down
And lots of secrets are spilled

Out of those secrets,
Some lead to the foundation of long lasting friendship
Others get buried, with the night.

I'm the buried secret of yours.

Maybe, my fate
Decides to compensate for its harshness
And today, this poem finds the stranger,
It targeted.

And he knows,


Sometimes in the middle of night,
Or the quietness of noon,
Mind often travels
To strange places our feet has not been.


Out of those places,
Some fade off like a long seen dream
While some keep playing behind our eyes,
And become a deep longing.


You are one such longing.

But have you ever had a passing moment that renders you nostalgic for a place you have never been to? A smell or a tune that sounds familiar but you could not place a finger on where you experienced it, not even  if your life depended on it. Has a view ever flashed randomly before your eyes, deep into the night with a longing in your Heart. And you brush it off knowing you have never been to that place and so you blame it on the late hours and carry on?

I think this is what poetry is. A list of moments, of feelings, that can't be conveyed in words. Though we try. Of course. Because sometimes we need to write it down and read it to understand it ourselves. So we sit down with a pen in hand. We write but something remains missing. So we drop the idea but that feeling keeps nagging us at the back of our minds. Till it fades. Till we heave a sigh relief. Till it happens again and there we sit again. Against a type writer. No, poetry is not all about what I mentioned. But I do believe that poetry is what is written on the page and what remains missing. An echo imprinted on our brains. Something always gets lost in the process of translation of our feelings into words. Whether it be an exaggeration or not paying things enough attention.

Or, maybe that's just me and my lack of poetic skills.

But I have a list of feelings I never could write about. Though I have tried but something always felt off about it.

Like the first time as a kid I wondered how could something so vibrant be so close to death when I looked at the autumn leaves decorating the roads? Is that how we are? A bit dying every moment and we only notice that when we have become a shadow of who we were? Are we already gone by the time we are medically dead. I did not know. I was a child. Not that I have an answer now. But I'm now better at handling these moments of retrospect. If something itches at my heart, I make it a point not to scratch it. You see, I have long been accustomed to watching my mind ricochet between two ends. But oh, the naivety of a young mind. I did not understand it then. So I tried to write about it. I gave it a title "dead like the autumn leaves" never got much farther than that.


Some more moments.

Like the time I saw the sadness in my mother's eyes for what it was and realised there is nothing I can do to change it. For it was not the angry sadness, not volatile. It was the type of sadness that comes after you have cried yourself to sleep for many nights only to learn to accept it one morning. It was the kind of sadness we learn to live with. And that was the day I lost a bit of my innocence. A bit of my resolve. That was the first time I had walked in her shoes and was amazed by the amount of beating our heart can take. But it was not the first time my heart failed to explain what exactly it felt.

Now you would ask why is it that I write. Personally, most times, I don't know. I write because.. I just have to. It does not come to me at my command. It is just sometimes when I hold a pen, my hand moves on its own. Trying to find consolation in the non judgmental, patient care of the paper, in the tender caress of words.  

And so I think, poetry is always more than what's written on the page; more than what the poet has let out. Or, this could just be me. Have you ever had moments you tried to write about but all it gave was a pale description of how it was like to feel it?

A girl with contrasting longings;
she comes in every shade ranging
from love to truth to lie.
She's every emotion at the same time

I have let you in
Every time you asked me to
I have held your hand
Every time you were about to fall
I think I had the right
To call you my safe haven
But today when my feet ran
out of the ground
Your arms were too occupied
to catch me

I wished I could give you the world
But I already gave you everything
that was mine
And all these words I say
Mean nothing to you
They melt and dissolve
I no longer want to look
Maybe they will find lips
Of someone new
Who might appreciate the love
You could never see in them

I have burnt myself
To give you warmth
I have fought the world
To get a minute with you alone
I have fallen from grace
Just because you asked me to
I probably would do it again
Without ever blinking twice
So why is it when I want the same
Your pace falters

Why you can't do with effort
What I did out of love;
So effortlessly
Where is your love
When I need you to show it
Why am I only sought
When you have got nobody
And even though I know we no longer
Are a thing officially
I wonder where did all your love get buried

I spilled my secrets to the night sky
And it bled a million stars
Trying to get your name right.

I lost countless sigh
To the wind
And it echoed a thousand probabilities,
A nostalgic memory reminding me of things that will never be

I shed a tear or two
On the spot we used to sit
And sunflowers sprouted there
A perfect burial ground
For how things used to be

I slit my veins open
On the blank page that was supposed to say
Happily ever after
To make this ever after
Without you tolerable

I start a poem
I say it's not going to be about you
They say if you lie long enough
It will become your truth
So I'm still waiting for a day
You won't sneak into my poem
As if we were playing hide and seek
Except it's been ages and I gave up
And one day, you suddenly decide to surprise me

"were you just starting to forget me"

I start a poem.
I see you ******* around.
You get to **** around now.
Especially with my mind.
And that's okay.
I try too, to ******* back, but my words don't **** around.
Well, whatever.
Here's another poem you won't get to read

"pls, do you ever miss me too"

I start a poem,
It's 4 am
I think I don't have a choice
In how I get my heart broken anymore
So I write about you
Cause you were the first tragedy I chose
And the only one I am willing to talk about.
It's hard to be ****** at a God you don't believe in
So I stack my "tragedies" together and
Give it your name.
I almost feel bad for doing it to you
But you're warm, and in love
And all I have is these bitter words.

"guess who the joke is on"

I start a poem.
And midway I stop
Not knowing what to do with it
Like the fact that
The only thing separating you and me
Is this 6 feet of earth between us.
I have been making a graveyard inside of me,
In hopes that you would come, visit

"if for some reasons we don't work out, we will  keep each other in memories and move on. There's much more to life. Promise me"

I start a poem
Because what does a broken promise mean
To someone who is long gone
And buried.

Your mother did not keep you in her womb for 9 months, to see you lose yourself over trying to find a home in his thoughts.

Your father did not put you on his shoulder, only to see you worship the land on which he walks, when he so gently and patiently taught you how to fly  

Your brother did not look up at you expectantly from his sleepy eyes, to see the light fade from yours.

Your grandfather did not tell you about his dreams, if he ever for a moment thought, you could not have them fulfilled.

The steps you take,
The breaths you breathe,
Oh, you were beautiful
Long before he told you that is what he thinks.

The words you write,
The pain that kills,
Will only take you towards,
The person you were meant to be

Your 5 year old self
Did not just want to live to breathe,
Let her teach you
How not to let your brilliance get
Tainted by the silhouettes of grief

And I have been losing sleep
Over that one dream
Where you come to me
And hold my hand
Your eyes, apologetic
And I say I'm sorry
But I have already let you go

And I have been losing my head
Over that one what if
Where you come knocking
At my doors
After years and
I still hold you In my embrace Saying I knew you would find me again

And you see
Holding you a captive
In my memories
Hurt just as bad
As the thought of
Having to let you go
To be finally healed

I have woven you so intricately
Into the fibres of my being
And what if one crazy day
I realise I can live without you
Like the stars are independent
And don't need a moon  
To make them glow

What if I realise
I shine better without you
Eclipsing my judgment?
Would that be the day
I shall finally be free
Or the day I lose a part of me
Never to have it back again

Her dark eyes sang of wildness,
Her skin promised eternities,
But her heart was lost,
In a place she hoped to find him.