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 Dec 2015 Amanda O'Brien
g clair
What leads a man
to embrace false conclusion,
biting the hand
which is feeding his own?
sad sacks and poor hacks
who sport vain delusion
and spew rotten fruit
though good seed was once sown!
There's still an empty space
          where there should be a heart
From all the words you used,
                 hoping to tear me apart
There's still a giant ****
           in the back of my spine
From the knife you stabbed
        while looking in my eyes
There's still all these holes
                      in my chest
From the shotgun trigger pulling
              when you left
 Nov 2015 Amanda O'Brien
Onoma
The passengers board
the blue bus...it's full.
The passengers unboard
the blue bus...it's empty--
destinationless.
The blue sky's likeness.
There was a deafening silence
Ringing in her ears
She tried to scream out
No one was close enough to hear
She wanted to break down
Drown herself in her tears
Losing sight of all that's right
Forcefully banishing her fears
But it was too late
It had been too many years
Taking a slow deep breath
Letting all the fog clear
She sensed death in the distance
Her time was almost near
Leaving nothing behind
She shudders then simply disappears
Somebody call 911 cause I'm having a heart attack
I can't breathe anymore
Cause she on took my soul away
Now here I am staring at the moon wonder will things ever be the same
Will she ever come back
Will she ever come back

Somebody call 911 cause I'm having a heart attack
I can't breathe anymore
Cause she on took my soul away
Now here I am staring at the moon wonder will things ever be the same
Will she ever come back
Will she ever come back

I know I made many mistakes in my lifetime
Many in which I should never be forgiven for
But I don't know if I can live this way anymore
Cause I have never lived soulless before
Now I can't see and my heart is struggling to beat
And I'm craving to be whole once more
Please make the pain go away
I don't want to live this way

Somebody call 911 cause I'm having a heart attack
I can't breathe anymore
Cause she on took my soul away
Now here I am staring at the moon wonder will things ever be the same
Will she ever come back
Will she ever come back

I'm afraid, so afraid cause i have never felt this way before
I just want to hold her once more
Embracing her like I tried before
But I was a fool back then
I didn't realize what we had was so special
That we were actually meant to be forever
And not the short time I was hoping for
Didn't realize how much I falling for jer
Now I'm here wondering what is going on

Somebody call 911 cause I'm having a heart attack
I can't breathe anymore
Cause she on took my soul away
Now here I am staring at the moon wonder will things ever be the same
Will she ever come back
Will she ever come back

I love her, I love her so much
Wish I could tell her how sorry I truly am
I just want to hold her hand and lay in the sand
You know be free under a tree and hope not to get stung by a bee
But I know for a fact she won't see what I I see
Especially after I betrayed her after she she trusted me
I stabbed her in the back and walked the other way
Now look at where I'm at
Standing at the corner with a trick bat
Fighting them off like they are a witch rat

Somebody call 911 cause I'm having a heart attack
I can't breathe anymore
Cause she on took my soul away
Now here I am staring at the moon wonder will things ever be the same
Will she ever come back
Will she ever come back

Somebody call 911 cause I'm having a heart attack
I can't breathe anymore
Cause she on took my soul away
Now here I am staring at the moon wonder will things ever be the same
Will she ever come back
I hope she comes back
Though carefully selected words allow
A slight enlightenment of inner minds
And inner hearts, I'll never truly find
That perfect blend of letters to spell out
Pure sentiments of amour. There's no doubt
Those words do not exist and can't describe
Even a fraction of it all- You're mine.
And just how did that ever come about?

Reflections in your eyes, astonishing;
They never see the inner dark that hides.
Though in my mind it's all that I can bring,
As I can't seem to express any light.
If I could find the perfect words, I'd cling
Forever and you'd heard them every night.
I have no idea
what I feel anymore
I don't understand why
I seem to be the way I am

I no longer can
tell what emotion is
even if I could feel any, and
none of it cares to make sense  

I want to be near
other people and feel as
they feel for myself, to know I
still can and connect with them

But I'm constantly feeling
disconnected from myself and
regardless of what happens to me
I'll always feel as though myself is slowly
pulling away
Idk man
 Nov 2015 Amanda O'Brien
Kelsey
My mother was
a first generation lesbian.
My father,
a first generation divorcee.
His father was the one child
of a public school teacher.
He found my grandmother at 18.
A farm child, one of seven.
A painter, a baker.
My mother's father
a single boy to three sisters.
His aggressive masculinity
kept the line clear and thick.
He found my mother's mother at 17.
A middle of seven Pentecostal children.
A beauty queen, an agoraphobic.
Each had five children.
The door-to-door salesmen/
homemaker and mother of boys duo
bet it all to open a hobby shop.
They were by far the poorest of the
watermelon farming siblings.
They were artists and explorers.
The high school graduate and ladies man,
was a logger before a father.
And the single mother of 25 he left
scarcely left her home at all.
Neither pair made it big.
But they made my father.
A lonely, post middle aged man.
The poorest of his brothers.
A used to be pilot,
and could have been teacher,
a want to be pioneer.
A nuclear family super fan
who never got his way.
And they made my mother.
A nervous, eccentric hippie
who doesn't know how to talk to her siblings.
A woman working her *** off to excel at lower middle class.
A builder, a fighter, a **** good mother.
Even if accidentally so.
She has plans to travel.
He has dreams to live by a lake.
And they made me.
A single girl among three boys.
A quirky, nervous tomboy.
A thinker, a gardener, a climber.
A loser and a dreamer by blood.
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