If you are a suicide survivor
Inbox me your name
And I’ll add it to my tattoos of others

You guys mean the world to me
And I have my own name on my arm
Because I too, am a suicide survivor.

It was heavy.
The weight of the world
fell on me, and it was heavy.
All the moments of my life
I have carried this weight.
My body was tired
from it.
I could no longer do this,
I could no longer support this.
Crash. My knees hitting the dirt.
Crack. My body failing me.
Screams from my friends
Ringing in my ears.
“Help her!”
“Save her!”
They knew
the weight I carried
was hard for me
but they did it anyways.
Forcing nutrients into me.
Giving me more weight.
Weight I had to carry
not them.
Weight I could not
live with,
weight I hated.
For I was too heavy.

I want to ruin you
the way you ruined me
and you know I can
and you know I could
and you know I won't
and you know I didn't

I want to ruin you
because you ruined me
you took away my happiness
my reason to smile
you took away my soul
like the angel of death

you ruined my love
because I gave it all to you
and now I hate love
as much as I hate you
I don't trust love
just like I don't trust you

you ruined my heart
you broke it into pieces
and stepped on every piece
crushing every hope
I ever had
to be whole again

you ruined my life
by stepping into it
and then leaving
and then running back
only to walk away
slower

you ruined me
conquering my mind, body & soul
so much that
your happiness and sadness
became mine
but my inside went numb

you ruined me
worse than
he ruined you

I want to ruin you
but I don't have it
in me
to be as selfish
as heartless
as you